Friday, August 18, 2017

It's Here, the Solution to Sending the Wrong Message without Knowing It!

I hope you liked your free Say it! Hear it! report and it has helped you start improving your relationships.
Here are some of the common questions that many of my clients have with the tip on "5 Ways to Use Non-verbal Communication More Effectively" when you are trying to send a message to someone.
(1) Question: "How could my tone of voice and body language contribute more to the effectiveness than the words I say? It does not make any sense!"
Response: You are right. Your words are important. However, there will be a problem when your words say one thing but your posture or gestures or tone say something different. Can you think of someone who makes a statement without saying a word? How about these examples? What message is the person communicating?
(a) a child hiding in the closet when dinner guests arrive his home,
(b) a teenager rolling her eyes when being lectured by her dad,
(c) a visiting grandfather from China greeting people in United States with smiles and nods, or
(d) a mother holding her fists and yelling "OF COURSE I LOVE YOU!!!" to her child.
(2) Question: "I was taught to stick with the facts and be clear about what I want. Why do I have to pay attention to my emotions in a conversation?"
Response: What you said might work in some business situations when staying calm, cool and collected is highly valued. However, while in relationships, most people need to know, like and trust you before they could have deep sharing and meaningful conversation with you. Healthy and productive communication means two people can openly share how they are feeling, what they are thinking, and the needs they have. If you were upset but did not express your feelings, the other person might not feel safe enough to continue the conversation. It's just human nature.
Emotions are often times hard to hide. When emotions take over, the other person will pay attention to your emotions instead of what you are really saying. They might try to calm you down or get out of there. Then communication breaks down, you think they don't care, and miscommunication happen.
Knowing your own emotions and sharing it verbally is one of the best ways to connect with someone at a deeper level as long as you are not blaming them. If necessary, take a few deep breaths, count backward from 10 to 1 (it really works!) or take a time out if necessary.
(3) Question: "My husband and children keep accusing me of yelling all the time, but I wasn't! Sometimes I just have to raise my voice to make sure they hear what is important. I feel discouraged. How do I change their minds about me?"
Response: Everyone has different needs. If someone says you are talking too loud or too fast, they are saying it's too loud or too fast for them. If you want them to hear you, listen to them. It's hard to change a habit, especially if that's something your family did when you were growing up. I understand your disappointment, but arguing or reasoning would only look like defending yourself. Try to say things in different ways and adjust your tone of voice as an experiment. Don't be surprised when you catch someone's attention by your whisper.

Monday, August 7, 2017

Why Say it! Hear it! Communication works for parenting and relational challenges

Relationship problems is one of the biggest problems of our time for people who feels isolated, frustrated, ignored or rejected. We recently shared in our special communication report some tips on how to communicate for understanding and deeper connection.
But does this REALLY work?
Let’s take Tom and Mary (not their real names) for example.
Mary came from Taiwan and Tom was from Hong Kong. They are high-tech professionals raising two American Born Chinese children in the Silicon Valley. They approached parenting differently. When Tom rationalized things, Mary got mad. When she attacked and blamed, he retreated and withdrew. Their interaction spiraled downward with negative thoughts, actions and words. They both felt stuck. Here’s what Mary said about our services when she finally sought help.
"I felt better after talking to my counselor. I was reassured that our family dynamic was not uncommon. I felt relieved that I was not alone. When I felt understood and accepted, I started to calm down and examine my role in re-enforcing our negative cycle. Instead of fighting, I started listening, and that drew Tom to open up with his feelings and needs, not just sharing his opinions. We became close again. Working as a parenting team, we have learned to provide an emotionally healthy environment for our children to grow up."
As you can see, Parenting ABC worked for Tom and Mary, hundreds of others, and will work for you too. This is why we are frequently invited to speak and lead workshops and seminars at churches, retreats, conferences and conventions!
If you’re struggling with parenting or other relational issues, and you’re looking for the right solution, click here now to schedule a consultation.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

How to Get Along with, Enjoy, and Influence People You Love?

I’ve prepared a special report on communication called Say it! Hear it! The Power of Effective Communication. In the report, I want to show you how you can improve interactions in your family.
You see, most people who struggle with parenting and other relationship issues try all the wrong approaches to talk things out and just get more and more frustrated. But in this special report, I’m going to show you exactly how to rid yourself from hurtful destructive patterns once and for all.
You see, most people who struggle with parenting or other relationship issues, try all the wrong approaches to talk things out and just get more and more frustrated. But in this special report, I’m going to show you exactly how to rid yourself from hurtful destructive communication patterns once and for all. 
Effective 2-way communication will give you these benefits:
  • Getting along instead of having constant conflicts 
  • Enjoying conversations that promote understanding and support
  • Closing the cultural, gender and generational gaps
  • Building an emotionally healthy family