Gratefulness and What a Friend We Have in Jesus

Most of us are thankful for our health, our safety, our loved ones. But what else? What do we take for granted? What moves us? What would fill our hearts daily if we would just notice it?

1. The senses. Sight, sound, touch, smell and taste—daily miracles each of them.

2. The plant world. From the productivity of a late-summer tomato plant to the delicate unfurling of a fern, nature’s richness and tenderness is something to behold.

3. Opportunity. Our steady companion, opportunity is always ready to take us down a path yet unknown. (Hint: We have to say “Yes!”)

4. Beauty. What do your eyes feast on? What splendor makes your heart rejoice? Beauty is all around us every day. How often do you stop to enjoy it?

5. The ability to learn. There is no age limit on learning—period. When we stop learning, we literally stop living.

6. Young children. They model for us innocence, faith, resilience, playfulness and unconditional love.

7. Music. What inspires you and lifts your mood? Classical, Rock & roll, African drumming, violin concertos, a hymn, a nightingale?

8. The ability to give. Every act of love benefits the giver as much as the receiver.

9. Color. Sunsets, paintings, green trees, blue sky, purple flowers. Imagine a world without color.

10. Change. It’s unavoidable; the only constant. Change can be unsettling or challenging. But the mystery of it and what lies beyond it can keep us young at heart.

I used to take many good things for granted. Instead of being grateful for opportunities and changes, I was annoyed because they took me out of my familiar comfort zone.

The reason I refused to go to church before I became a believer was because I didn't want to admit that there were problems in my life that I couldn't solve. After saying "No" for six years, I finally accepted an invitation from two friends in 1988. We had dinner at their house before going to their church's Christmas celebration. We sang songs. We listened to people sharing. But the only thing that touched my heart was a skit performance. The drama compared and contrasted the lives of two women, one with Jesus and one without. It got me thinking.

A few days later, on Sunday, January 1, 1989, I remembered the "new" church near our house that our friends mentioned. That was the first time I attended any Sunday worship. To avoid talking with people, I arrived late and departed early. Nevertheless, I went again the next Sunday, and the next. I heard about a upcoming "Double Healing" Evangelistic meeting that would be held on the last Saturday of January. Even though I had no idea what that was all about, I went because I yearned for healing.

The preacher at the meeting was a physician-turned-pastor. Like me, he came from Hong Kong to pursue the American dream. All of my proud accomplishments paled in comparison to his. To my surprise, he also experienced loneliness and emptiness at the peak of his career. He shared how he neglected family relationships in pursuit of his career and material successes. Being suddenly diagnosed with terminal cancer was his wake up call. That's when he called out to Jesus Christ whom he had heard of as a child. Indeed “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” (Romans 10:13).

Long story short, God restored his marriage and he began writing many letters to his young children so that they could receive timely letters from their "Father Far Away" while growing up without him. Miraculously, his cancer cells disappeared suddenly. He received double healing!

After he finished his testimony, someone led us to sing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." My heart was pierced by the lyrics "Oh, what peace we often forfeit? Oh What needless pain we bear? All because we do not carry everything to God in prayers!" I couldn't stop sobbing. It turns out that I also needed the Savior Jesus!

I am thankful for the opportunity to say "Yes" to my friend's Christmas celebration invitation. I am grateful for the opportunity to say "Yes" to Jesus Christ on Saturday, January 28, 1989. Jesus Christ is my Lord, my God, my King, and my Good Shepherd. He is not only my Savior, but also my closest friend.

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." (John 15:13)

Top 10 Ways to Have the Best Holidays Ever

Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Year. With each special day will come the hope that this one will be truly exceptional. However, many of us quickly get bogged down in busyness, stress and old patterns. Here are 10 ways to turn that dynamic around.

1. Give yourself a break. Perfection -- even perfect happiness -- just isn't possible by human efforts. Let your best be good enough. Make a budget for both your time and your money -- and stick to it. It really is the thought that counts. 

2. Make conscious decisions. Get clear about what you really want to do over the holidays before compromising with others. If you don't have a clear plan and clear intentions, you might find yourself getting swept along by others' desires. Even if you compromise later, get clear first. Be loving and assertive, share your feeling and tell people what you want. Don't blame them for guessing your wishes wrong. Better yet, be sensitive to what God wants for your relationships.

3. Shorten your to-do list. What do the holidays mean to you? For many, it’s about family and friends and spirituality. If an item doesn’t add to your holiday spirit, scratch it off. Otherwise, be creative! Many years ago, my sister-in-law (who has five kids) suggested each of us to bring one gift on Christmas Eve instead of buying one gift for each person. After dinner, we played a modified version of the "white elephant" game that allows you to "steal" a gift you really like. It has been a big hit ever since!

4. Say no when you want to. It’s very liberating. Try it and see. It sounds simple, but too often obligation trumps desire. When faced with options, choose the one that would make you happier around people and pleasing to your Heavenly Father. It is better to treat people with truth than to go along and be secretly dissatisfied.

5. Limit obligatory activities. If you can't avoid certain events, limit the time you're there. Don't burn yourself out.

6. Take good care of yourself. The old standards help keep stress at bay: eat healthfully, exercise, drink lots of water, and breathe deeply. Please schedule time for relaxation and fun. I love to spend time by myself with the Lord to reflect on His love, goodness and faithfulness.

7. Start early. To avoid a last-minute frenzy that can bust your budget, start shopping or making presents now. If you are not ready for the holidays this year, keep it simple. Just remember that Thanksgiving is a reminder to give thanks in all things; and Jesus Christ is the real reason for Christmas!

8. Ask for help. Don't be self-righteous and feel that everything is up to you. The burden of preparations should not fall upon one person. The more specific you are in your request, the more successful you’ll be.

9. Get support. If a glorious holiday season feels completely out of reach, you may experience the holiday blues. Many people do. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling that way. Reach out for the support you need.

10. Establish new traditions. If you have experienced a major life-changing event, such as a death or divorce, consider doing something you've never done before over the holidays, such as travel to another country or take a cruise or just enjoy in quietness and peace with gratitude.

The pandemic has affected all of us. It reminds us that life is short and unpredictable. Many of us feel trapped, even imprisoned. Let's see how did the Apostle Paul exhorted believers in his letter while he was actually in prison.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:4-7)

Self-Acceptance is an Action

Imagine you are standing naked in front of a full-length mirror. You are asked to stare at yourself for two minutes.

Now take a quick inventory of the feelings  this suggestion evokes. Did you feel curious or afraid? Interested or hesitant? Willing or unwilling? Or did you reject the whole idea as something you would absolutely never do? Imagining the experience gives you an indication of your level of self-acceptance; actually doing it will tell you even more.

Self-acceptance is an action. It is something we do, not just something we feel. To say “I value myself” is an act of self-affirmation that provides a base from which self-esteem develops.

When practicing self-acceptance, we don't have to like everything about ourselves. In fact, we almost certainly won't. What it really means is that we acknowledge and accept that our thoughts, actions, emotions, bodies, dreams, etc. (that is, everything about us) are our own.

“But I don’t want to be insecure (or afraid or judgmental or angry or fat or old or alcoholic or any of a dozen other things),” someone might say. “If I accept that about myself, it means I don’t want to change. Or I won’t change.”

Here’s the paradox: without acceptance of what is, it is impossible to change.

When we deny any part of ourselves, we see that part alien or outside. To say, “I don’t want to be _________, therefore I won’t accept that I am,” is self-rejection, the exact opposite of self-acceptance. To say, “I don’t want to be ________, but I am and I am willing to change,” is the kind of self-acceptance that gives birth to transformation.

Healing and growth can only come in when awareness and acceptance open the door. Someone said, "Nothing boosts a person's self-esteem more than being aware of and accepting that part of oneself that is not valued."

Here’s another exercise: Try on any emotion that is difficult to face — insecurity, jealousy, anger, fear. Try it on as if it were a sweater or a pair of shoes. Breathe into it and focus on it; feel your feelings. Notice how, as you accept and experience it, the feeling begins to melt away.

If you are resisting — tightening your muscles, holding your breath — accept your resistance. If you deny the resistance, it will only gain in strength. But, like the feelings themselves, if you embrace the resistance, it will dissipate.

It’s not only negative feelings or thoughts we sometimes don’t accept; we refuse our positive sides, too. In fact, some of our bright side can seem more frightening than the dark. What a loss to refuse to accept our excitement or joy, our charm or our beauty. How sad it is to be afraid of the talents, visions or dreams God has given us.

It has been said that the greatest crime we commit against ourselves is not that we deny and disown our shortcomings, but that we deny and disown our strengths or being different.

At its lowest point, self-acceptance is what keeps us alive. It is the strength that keeps us moving; it is what gives us the courage to finally say “No!” or “Yes!” It is the hand that reaches out for help.

To be self-accepting is to be for yourself, not against yourself. This is the birthright by grace for every human being.

"I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me." (1 Corinthians 4:3-4)

Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications

Develop Emotional Resilience to Meet Challenges

Major disruptions are traps we all experience at one time or another in our lives. We get fired, laid off or passed over; a loved one dies, leaves or gets in trouble; a project stalls or gets cancelled. The list, unfortunately, is endless.

For some, the impact of these hard times is overwhelming. Recovery, if it comes at all, can be painfully slow. Others show resilience and are admirably able to glide through these times fairly easily, bouncing back to a normal life again quickly. Resilience -- the strength required to adapt to change -- acts as our internal compass so we can resourcefully navigate an upset.

When unexpected events turn life upside down, it's the degree to which our resiliency comes into play that makes these "make-or-break" situations an opportunity for growth. The good news is that each of us has the capacity to reorganize our life after a disruption and to achieve new levels of strength and meaningfulness. Though it's easy to feel vulnerable in the midst of chaos and uncertainty, life disruptions are not necessarily a bad thing because they help us grow and meet future challenges in our lives. It's a lot like a bone that was once fragile or broken, and is now strong from being used.

So how can you become more resilient? Here's a look at seven key characteristics of Christians who demonstrate resilience during life's twists and turns.

1. A Sense of Hope and Trust in God
Resilient people rely on their belief in the basic goodness of God and trust that things will turn out alright in the end. This positive attitude allows them to weather times when everything seems bleak and to look for and accept the support that is out there. This approach toward the world gives them the ability to hope for a better future.

2. Interpreting Experiences in a New Light
The ability to look at a situation in a new way (a skill called "reframing") can minimize the impact of a difficult situation. Christians can reframe situations through the perspective of a loving and faithful God. Resilient people take a creative approach toward solving a problem, and don't always use an old definition for a new challenge.

3. A Meaningful System of Support
One of the best ways to endure a crisis is to have the support of another person who can listen and validate your feelings. Knowing that others care and will come to our support decreases the feeling of isolation, especially when tackling a problem alone. It's important to choose people you trust. Don't be surprised if it takes several friends, each of whom can provide different kinds of support. Resilient people aren't stoic loners. They know the value of expressing their fears and frustrations, as well as receiving support, coaching or guidance from friends, family or a professional. Even if people fail you, remember that God will never leave you nor forsake you. God is your ultimate support!

4. Believing that God is in Control of Your Life
You may not be able to predict the future, but you can face problems with God, not by forces beyond your control. Resilient people know that ultimately their survival and the integrity of their life values depend on their ability to take action rather than remain passive. Tough times call for you to tap into your own sense of personal responsibility while journeying with God and others. Knowing God controls circumstances and outcomes, we can be free from performance anxiety while motivated to do our best for the glory of His Kingdom.

5. Self-Reflection and Insight

Life's experiences provide fertile ground for learning. Asking yourself questions that invite introspection can open a door to new understanding and appreciation of who you are and what you stand for. Giving voice to your thoughts and feelings leads to insight and helps transform the meaning of a problem into something useful. Resilient people learn from life situations and do not succumb to punishing themselves because of decisions made in the past. Identity unleashed: "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1).

6. A Wide Range of Interests
People who show resilience in the face of adversity are those who have a diversity of interests. They're open to new experiences and ideas. Because their lives are rich and varied, it's easier for them to find relief from the ramifications and worries that often accompany a crisis. Each person has strengths and weaknesses. Each one of us is unique in God's eyes.

7. Sense of Humor
Have you ever had a wry laugh during a difficult situation? The ability to see the absurdity, irony, or genuine humor in a situation stimulates our sense of hope and possibility. Humor has both psychological and physical benefits in relieving stress because it encourages a swift change in your perception of your circumstances -- and when your thoughts change, your mood follows. Christians can rejoice even in our suffering because we know and trust we are loved by God for eternity.

When you look to improve these seven areas now before adversity hits, you'll be able to bounce back more quickly. By practicing in real life, you will influence your kids and develop resilience in them -- by showing, not just telling.

 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications

No One Wins in the Blaming Game

Whether we fabricate unbelievable excuses like, "The dog ate my homework," or blame others for what happens to us, we give up not only responsibility for our lives, but also our power.

When things go wrong, blame is an easy way of taking the spotlight off ourselves and shining it on others. From the first excuse we used as a child, shifting blame often becomes an all-purpose gadget in our toolbox of defenses, so handy we often reach for it without even thinking.

Why do people blame?

• Blame is a ready outlet for anger, hurt and disappointment. It is always easier to point the finger at someone for our troubles than to consider our own roles in causing or maintaining the problems.

• Having someone to blame allows us to maintain our self-image. In our own eyes, we can remain that punctual, efficient person we would be except for the interferences and inefficiencies of other people.

• Blame is a reflex action. It's the first thing you say when you've been caught and you need to preserve your dignity. Remember the time you tripped over a loose brick left on the sidewalk and immediately cried out, "What idiot left that here?"

• Blame is a convenient form of procrastination. To our own ears, the flimsiest of excuses can sound like a reasonable explanation when someone else is at fault. "I would build that bookshelf for you today if Jack had returned the tools he borrowed."

• Blame can act as a defense. Shifting responsibility to someone else can be comforting. For examples: "If only my parents had encouraged me, I could have become a really great dancer" and "if only your boss didn't demand so much, you'd have more time for those classes you want to take."

• Blaming others is less painful than blaming ourselves. If we regret choices we have made in our lives, pointing the finger at someone else means we don't have to own up to our decisions, some of which might not have been the wisest.

• Blame can be a potent psychological weapon. Making others feel guilty can give us a feeling of power.

• Blame obscures the root and true nature of problems. As long as someone or something else is responsible for our feelings, our failures, our lives, we don't have to do anything. The problem is not ours, but theirs.

The benefits of taking responsibility

.• The consequence of blame is that it traps us in the past and prevents us from moving forward. Blaming others keeps us in the role of victims. However, that didn't help change anything.

• While we may not always have complete control over what happens, we do have control over our own reactions and emotions. One way to claim our lives is by taking 100 percent responsibility for what we feel. Rather than "you make me feel...," say, "I feel... "

• Like using chewing gum and baling wire for a repair job, blame may be a handy tool, but it won't hold up over time. Using blame makes us forget we have power to control our own lives by the grace of the Lord, and that we can choose to take responsibility for ourselves and enjoy the freedom in Christ.

Are you familiar with when and how blame entered into the world?

God said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”  (Genesis 3:11-13)

Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications

How to Handle Resentments

Some people can spend hours dwelling on the wrongs done them, the injustices, the slights, the snubs, insults, indifferences, slurs, and just plain bad treatment. They can think of a particular instance and, sure as Pavlov’s dog, up comes the same feeling the original occurrence caused, and they get mad all over again. They hold onto their resentments with the same tenacity that dog’s hair might cling to a cashmere sweater.

Resent comes from the French word sentir, to feel or experience. To resent something or someone is to feel again the fear, the anger, the hurt, the humiliation, the pain of the original experience — real or imagined. Carried along with us, this feeling gets packed away in a bag labeled grudge or blame. It’s a bag full of judgments where other people are always wrong and at fault, and, after a while, it can make for a pretty heavy load.

“Of all the futile and destructive emotions to which human beings are prey, perhaps the most universal is resentment,” said Theodore Dalrymple in his essay, “The Uses of Resentment.” Resentment eats away at self-esteem and peace of mind. It replaces hope with bitterness and opportunities for growth with stagnation. If a person can blame someone else, then they don’t have to take responsibility for themselves. 

Of course, we can’t always have control over what happened to us, especially if we were children, but we do have control on how we choose to respond to it today, and how we will deal with it.

A life filled with resentments chains the one who would be victim and stifles any change that could make life easier, more productive and joyful. “Resentments,” as the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous puts it, “keep us from the sunlight of the spirit.”

From one perspective, any time a resentment takes up emotional space, it indicates there’s something at issue that has not been resolved. Maybe the best thing is to slow down and try to see what part of is still trying to get your attention.

Getting rid of old resentments isn’t as easy as simply saying, “Resentment, be gone.” Judgments, the need to be right, not taking responsibility for certain actions or behaviors, a feeling of being special or entitled, vindictiveness or a need for revenge, a simple (or not so simple) misunderstanding, or an inability to forgive — all these might be in the way of releasing resentments.

Along with causing a “re-feeling” of the original emotion, resentments give a person an opportunity to re-look at the event or situation. Sometimes holding onto a resentment is a way of avoiding pain, and this re-looking can unlock the doors that have held it at bay. 

How to deal with old resentments? Write them down; talk about them, not in a blaming way, but with a willingness to see all sides of the issue. Determine what the lessons are, what needs to be let go of, what needs more work. You may begin to see where empathy can create wholeness and where forgiveness can heal. 

Tragedies in my family of origin, including my grandma's preference of boys over girls, my dad's infidelity to my mom, and Mommy's untimely death caused me to be filled with inexplicable resentment in my married life. I thank the Lord Jesus for the opportunity to break free from the bondage of sin. Not only was I released from resentment, I was able to forgive those who had hurt me, so that I could experience freedom in Christ. I am especially grateful that my father finally believed in the Lord. The old has gone, the new is here! 

"Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong ... Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil." (Psalm 37:1,7-8)

Author's content used under license, © Claire Communications

In Your Anger Do Not Sin

The day before I left Hong Kong in August 1973, my Mommy insisted on personally ironing my every shirt. I was packing when I suddenly heard her yelled, "Oh, No!"

Rushing out of the room, seeing the burn marks on the pointed collar of my yellow blouse, I couldn't help but shout, "Mommy! Why did you do that?"

But I felt bad as soon as the words came out.  I hurriedly fled the scene and ran back to the room to hide my frustration and disappointment.

It seemed that my head was about to explode. I was mad at losing my favorite top. That silk blouse had a pointed collar, a bright yellow background, and a cute pattern of little white elephants. Not only did it look good in my eyes, but it was often envied by my classmates and friends. Now that one collar was burned, how could I wear it again?

On the other hand, Mommy's pale face reminded me of her sacrificial love.  How could I lose temper at Mommy before leaving to study in the United States? The blouse was ruined, and I broke her heart. Why did I do that? The more I thought about it, the more guilty I felt. Tears were streaming down my face.

Just when I was frustrated and dazed, Mommy showed up and said in a gentle voice, "Your blouse is good to go again. Look!" She held up the blouse with a smile. After her skillful repair, the pointed collars on both sides became round collars and the blouse looked cuter than before. Through my tears I smiled again.

We hugged goodbye the next day. I didn't expect it to be a farewell, but I never saw Mommy again. Two years later, her heart suddenly stopped and she died in Hong Kong at the age of forty-eight.

At that time, I was still a college student who recently got married after only 3 months of dating. (My husband and his family had immigrated from Taiwan a few years back.) I never had the chance to fulfill my childhood dream of buying a big house for Mommy and taking her around the world, and my biggest regret is that she never saw my husband, son, and grandkids.

However, I will never forget her selfless and gracious love. Her understanding, acceptance and forgiveness had always encouraged and motivated me. Thank God for my Mommy! Years later, I got to know the Lord Jesus and experienced the great love of my Heavenly Father. I began to learn the importance of being responsible for my own thoughts, feelings, words and deeds. I want to love people around me, especially those closest to me, while I still have time.

“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." (Ephesians 4:26-27)

Ten Fears that Make Us Withdraw

Fear often stands between us and our ability to make decisions, take actions, ask for what we want—even to know what we really want. It is the gatekeeper of our comfort zone. But as poet-philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “He has not learned the lesson of life who does not every day surmount a fear.” Below are 10 fears that commonly get in our way.

1. Fear of being judged. Many people often need the approval of family members or friends to have the courage to act. Once denied, we are often unable to bravely pursue our dreams and goals.

2. Fear of rejection. Rejection just means that someone else has a different opinion.

3. Fear of emotional pain. Rather than incapacitate us, painful feelings can sharpen our sense of joy and gratitude.

4. Fear of embarrassment. Sometimes it's terrible when our mistakes are made public, and we feel ashamed. But in fact, it is not so embarrassing and scary to face mistakes bravely and correct them in time.

5. Fear of being alone and abandoned. Don't worry too much. A strong sense of self-worth and what we can offer the world reduces this fear.

6. Fear of failure. A biggie for most of us and born of the notion that it’s not OK to fail. Don't be afraid, believe in the famous saying "Failure is the mother of success".

7. Fear of success. More responsibility, more attention, pressure to perform can be frightening when we don’t believe in ourselves. But in fact, our contribution to this world is reflected in this aspect.

8. Fear of expressing feelings. An authentic life means being willing to express our true feelings to our loved ones, colleagues, adversaries—even ourselves.

9. Fear of intimacy. Emotional intimacy—really being seen by another—can be very scary. However, there is no need to hide. Sometimes you may be more likable when you are real and be yourself.

10. Fear of the unknown. The unknown can be exciting and expansive if we shift our fear to curiosity.

So, don't worry and fear too much, because God tells us that all things work together. Sometimes bad things and feelings are God's way to prepare us to receive what is better. With faith in Christ, we pray and rely on God to transcend everything by experiencing the presence of God. 

"I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears." (Psalm 34:4)

Remember Good Friday.  Don't forget that Easter is just around the corner!

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

How to Interrupt Negative Patterns

When unfavorable situations, actions and emotional conflicts happen again and again in your life—same scene, different characters—there's a good chance you are in the presence of a negative "pattern."

Some examples. Repeatedly choosing the wrong friend or partner, having constant conflicts with coworkers, being chronically in debt, trying to please others, seeming to get along with everyone, but often throwing tantrums at a family member you care most about!

At best, these negative patterns lead to frustration. At worst, they cause undue pain, uphill struggle, bodily harm, and sometimes even death.

The good news is: you have the power to change these negative patterns. Below are some ways to begin to disrupt them so that you can start laying down new, more positive patterns.

Become aware.

No matter how entrenched a pattern seems, the act of noticing begins the shift away from damaging thoughts or behaviors. Put simply, you can't change what you're not aware of.

One way to increase awareness is to sit and think and observe patterns. The goal here is to pay attention, nothing more.

In this step, focus your awareness on just the facts and feelings of the patterns. Don't let your mind wander into the analysis of "why" you have them right now, for it will likely try to justify and defend the pattern. You can analyze later (see below); for now, just notice.

Also, ask people you trust to help you see the patterns. Our blind spots are called "blind" for a reason; we just don't see them. But they'll be clear to others.

Discover the hidden payoff.

Becoming aware of your negative patterns, and you will see evidence they are damaging you and your relationships. For example, your pattern of conflict with co-workers has gotten you fired several times, and now your resume reflects that pattern, too.

The key to interrupting negative patterns is to understand this: we generally don't keep repeating behaviors unless, on some level, we get something good out of them.

These hidden reasons are known as "payoffs," and they either help you get more of something you want or avoid something you don't want.

In the example above, the person in constant conflict with co-workers could be using the conflict to cover up deep insecurity with the quality of his/her work. The conflict, in effect, distracts from scrutiny.

Or the conflict could stem from uncensored outspokenness. The person may have an oppressive situation at home, and being excessively frank at work may allow him/her to feel powerful and self-expressive in at least one arena of life. 

Look for positive patterns.

One of the best ways to disrupt the negative patterns that may be wreaking havoc with your life is to also study the positive patterns in your life. For these can be "grafted" onto your negative patterns with great success.

For example, you can use the discipline you've been exercising regularly to stop using credit to finance your lifestyle. For another example, if the boss calls during a quarrel, the couple can immediately stop the fight.

Even if you will, if you are frustrated that things are too difficult to change, remember that you are not alone. There is hope because "what is impossible with man is possible with God" (Luke 18:27)

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2)

Author's content used under license, © Claire Communications

Top 10 Daily Practices of Loving Relationships

"Better a small serving of vegetables with love than a fattened calf with hatred." (Proverbs 15:17)

Living with those you love—whether they be your spouse, children or older parents—brings intimacy and stresses that are different from other relationships. Here are 10 daily practices that help keep the love flowing and the relationships growing.

1. Share something from your day. Involve your loved ones in your life outside the home and inside your heart.
2. Express gratitude. Show that you notice their daily contributions to the family and your life. Receiving a “thank you” for doing the dishes or taking out the trash feels soooo good!
3. Eat dinner together. Connecting with each other over food is an ancient human practice. It’s worth it to make time for this heart warming activity.
4. Do something for yourself. Doing what nourishes you strengthens your relationships. 
5. Smile. Laughing is even better—especially if it’s laughing at yourself!
6. Express regret and make up. The sooner the better. And from a truly open heart.
7. Take responsibility. Renew daily your vow to hunt out your own “stuff,” to own it as yours, and to do the work of transforming it.
8. Be a sanctuary. Give a safe and comforting place where you provide "shade” to each other from the scorching rays of difficult days.
9. Speak from the heart. Risk telling the truth about your feelings.
10. Envision the best. It’s a wonderful bedtime meditation to visualize your loved ones inhabiting their highest, best selves. 

How can we love someone who is not that lovable at the moment? "We love because God first loved us." (1 John 4:19).

There are many Bible verses that guide us on how to love God and others. As long as we are willing to follow God’s precepts and practice daily, we can build a close, loving, harmonious and warm home together with our families.

"May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you." (1 Thessalonians 3:12)

                                                                                                        Author's content used under license, © Claire Communications

Take Stock of Your Life to a New Beginning

Whenever we enter a new year from the last, we will naturally look back and look ahead. This year, why not consider taking more time to evaluate your current life after reviewing last year and looking forward to the new year?

Who are you? What do you believe? What do you want?  What do you really need?

When we discover who we really are, we stop living on autopilot and start to live with intention, focus and purpose. Our choices become clearer. We begin to make active choices in our life, instead of making excuses or passively living with the status quo.

Here are a few questions to get you started. Have a journal or some way to record your thoughts. (Writing by hand keeps you in touch with your breath and your heart.)

• What do you want to express the most?

• What in you needs healing?

• What unique gifts, talents and skills do you bring to the world? How are you using them (or not)?

• Who do you need to forgive? Do you need to forgive yourself?

• What beliefs are holding you back or getting in your way?

• What can you let go of in your life?

• What makes you happy?

Don't forget to consider the vital information that other "parts" of yourself are giving you. When you use only your head, your experience of yourself and the world is more limited.

• What is your body telling you? When someone yells at you, does your stomach tie up in knots? Do your shoulders stiffen when you've been too focused on fulfilling others' needs and ignoring your own? Notice the messages your body is giving you.

• Check in with your heart. The heart is the home of what is most alive in us. What does your heart have to say about your job? Your relationships? About how you spend your days? Does it need more play, rest and recreation time? Is something missing? What, according to your heart, really matters?

• Listen to your intuition, your spirit, your "gut." Your inner voice speaks volumes, but often gets ignored. What is this voice saying now? What are you yearning for? What voices are you listening to? Don't forget: If you are in Christ, you are a New Creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). Would you like to walk in the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:16) moment by moment to live out your new life? 

Don't forget to notice what you already have that is working. Acknowledge and give thanks for the gifts and the beauty and the miracles that are in your life right now. Write them down.

• Tell the truth. Now is the time to start being honest about who you really are. Encouraging those unlived parts of ourselves to emerge can provide an exhilarating sense of discovery and optimism for the New Year and beyond.

May God protect the physical, mental, and spiritual health of you and your family. May the oldest psalm in the Bible be a prayer for you and me in the New Year: "Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the whole world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God. Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom" (Psalm 90:1, 2, 12).

                                                                                          Author's content used under license, © Claire Communications