Have you ever experienced any of these?
Hot-tempered young man in a too-fast car cut you off this morning; it’s already noon and you’re still seething?
Husband had an affair 15 years ago and even though you’ve been divorced for seven, your stomach still knots up when you think about it?
You moved to a new city for a great career opportunity but long so much for your old home and your old friends that you can’t find anything to like about the new place?
Your son stays home to care for the kids while your daughter-in-law works at her law practice and this just doesn’t seem right to you?
You know you should let it all go, and you try, but there it is—that same old stuff still getting rent-free space in your head.
Just exactly how does one let go, so that the residue of the past is put away, forgotten, or transformed into memories that can be called upon and released at will, rather than showing up as memory fragments that grab your attention and consume your energy day and night?
Letting go has to do with living in the present moment rather than the past. It happens when the past isn’t projected into the future, but is left behind where it belongs. It is about making amends when called for, taking care of that which needs attending to, forgiving rather than re-living.
• Try this: Next time a thought about something that happened in the past floats into your mind, let it pass through without jumping aboard and going along for the ride. If you focus on it, like a weed that gets watered it will grow. Try acknowledging the thought, then, with a deep breath, letting it go.
• If the thought that comes along is about something that’s left undone, you may need to take some action before you can let go. Do you need to make amends to someone, apologize, clear up some misunderstanding, write a letter or make a phone call? Perhaps you need to make a list of the actions needed to clear a situation, and set some goals. Begin with small, manageable steps. Whatever you must do, begin. Taking action sometimes precedes letting go.
• Stay in the now and appreciate the circumstances of your life. Make a gratitude list of what you like about wherever you are, not just your living arrangements, but other parts of your life, too. Get rid of what is no longer appropriate in your life, and create more space for new parts of yourself to show up.
• Write letters that you may or may not send to people you need to release. (Caution: always wait a few days and check with someone you trust if you have any doubts about the appropriateness of actually sending a letter.) Write unsent letters to unforgettable situations from your past or to people, even those who have passed away. Write down how you feel, say what you need, surrender them to God in prayer, and then say goodbye.
• Let go by putting away pictures, keepsakes, clothes, gifts and anything else that keeps you actively connected with someone who’s no longer with you. Otherwise, your mind will always be focused on this person's existence, and you will not be able to live well. Only when you are willing to let go can you move on. Of course, dealing with loss and grief takes time, and the process and steps are for another article in another time.
• Make a ceremony of letting go. Burn old letters or journals. Dig a hole in the earth and bury what needs to be buried. Write a letter or vow for the occasion, read it aloud. Light candles, sing songs. And weep, if need be. Include others in your ceremony to witness or assist you.
• Let go of old ideas. People, lifestyles and cultures change. Talk to others, get other perspectives. Focus on what’s good about change, find the ways it benefits you and others. Holding on to how it used to be keeps you from participating and living better in the present.
• Release thoughts and words that categorize people, that measure or evaluate or that judge or condemn or hold others with expectations. Eliminate words like should, ought, can’t, if only, however, and impossible. Take responsibility and let go of your fears.
Gerald Jampolsky, M.D., author of Love is Letting Go of Fear, wrote, “When we cherish or hold onto grievances, we cannot let go. We become imprisoned.” Perhaps the highest level of letting go is to practice forgiveness in love.
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loved us." (1 John 4:18-19)
We cannot let go by ourselves alone, but by the Lord Jesus who rose from the dead, because He has forgiven us. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications
