tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73468724702390922902024-03-12T21:29:20.272-07:00ParentingABC-BlogThis is the blog of Parenting ABC.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger169125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-22331353737085422342024-03-02T10:12:00.000-08:002024-03-02T10:12:38.397-08:00Letting Go: Great Idea. How Do I Do It?<p>Have you ever experienced any of these?</p><p>Hot-tempered young man in a too-fast car cut you off this morning; it’s already noon and you’re still seething?</p><p>Husband had an affair 15 years ago and even though you’ve been divorced for seven, your stomach still knots up when you think about it?</p><p>You moved to a new city for a great career opportunity but long so much for your old home and your old friends that you can’t find anything to like about the new place?</p><p>Your son stays home to care for the kids while your daughter-in-law works at her law practice and this just doesn’t seem right to you?</p><p>You know you should let it all go, and you try, but there it is—that same old stuff still getting rent-free space in your head. </p><p>Just exactly how does one let go, so that the residue of the past is put away, forgotten, or transformed into memories that can be called upon and released at will, rather than showing up as memory fragments that grab your attention and consume your energy day and night?</p><p><span style="background-color: white;">Letting go has to do with living in the present moment rather than the past. It happens when the past isn’t projected into the future, but is left behind where it belongs. It is about making amends when called for, taking care of that which needs attending to, forgiving rather than re-living. </span></p><p>• Try this: Next time a thought about something that happened in the past floats into your mind, let it pass through without jumping aboard and going along for the ride. If you focus on it, like a weed that gets watered it will grow. Try acknowledging the thought, then, with a deep breath, letting it go. </p><p>• If the thought that comes along is about something that’s left undone, you may need to take some action before you can let go. Do you need to make amends to someone, apologize, clear up some misunderstanding, write a letter or make a phone call? Perhaps you need to make a list of the actions needed to clear a situation, and set some goals. Begin with small, manageable steps. Whatever you must do, begin. Taking action sometimes precedes letting go.</p><p>• Stay in the now and appreciate the circumstances of your life. Make a gratitude list of what you like about wherever you are, not just your living arrangements, but other parts of your life, too. Get rid of what is no longer appropriate in your life, and create more space for new parts of yourself to show up. </p><p>• Write letters that you may or may not send to people you need to release. (Caution: always wait a few days and check with someone you trust if you have any doubts about the appropriateness of actually sending a letter.) Write unsent letters to unforgettable situations from your past or to people, even those who have passed away. Write down how you feel, say what you need, surrender them to God in prayer, and then say goodbye.</p><p>• Let go by putting away pictures, keepsakes, clothes, gifts and anything else that keeps you actively connected with someone who’s no longer with you. Otherwise, your mind will always be focused on this person's existence, and you will not be able to live well. Only when you are willing to let go can you move on. Of course, dealing with loss and grief takes time, and the process and steps are for another article in another time.</p><p>• Make a ceremony of letting go. Burn old letters or journals. Dig a hole in the earth and bury what needs to be buried. Write a letter or vow for the occasion, read it aloud. Light candles, sing songs. And weep, if need be. Include others in your ceremony to witness or assist you. </p><p>• Let go of old ideas. People, lifestyles and cultures change. Talk to others, get other perspectives. Focus on what’s good about change, find the ways it benefits you and others. Holding on to how it used to be keeps you from participating and living better in the present.</p><p>• Release thoughts and words that categorize people, that measure or evaluate or that judge or condemn or hold others with expectations. Eliminate words like should, ought, can’t, if only, however, and impossible. Take responsibility and let go of your fears.</p><p>Gerald Jampolsky, M.D., author of Love is Letting Go of Fear, wrote, “When we cherish or hold onto grievances, we cannot let go. We become imprisoned.” Perhaps the highest level of letting go is to practice forgiveness in love.</p><p>"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loved us." (1 John 4:18-19)</p><p>We cannot let go by ourselves alone, but by the Lord Jesus who rose from the dead, because He has forgiven us. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" (2 Corinthians 5:17)</p><p>Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-46985204963337620632024-02-03T09:40:00.000-08:002024-02-03T09:42:15.894-08:00Don't Destroy Your Happiness<p>It is human nature to pursue happiness! Unexpectedly, my husband James and I had our first conflict after we got married over sharing a tube of toothpaste.</p><p>He said: "Why are you squeezing in the middle and ruining the toothpaste?"</p><p>I said: "Why do you have to squeeze up from the bottom? It's too slow! It's so stupid!"</p><p>My reaction was huge. I felt sad and disappointed inside because in the three months we dated, James had never said anything was wrong with me. How could he blame me so quickly when saying he would love me forever?</p><p><span style="background-color: white;">James didn't say anything and quickly bought another toothpaste so that we can each have our own way. But I was still hurt.</span></p><p>In marital and parenting relationship, there are always people who say they really don’t like to argue about trivial things all day long. Unfortunately, they don't know that everyone is pursuing that elusive "happiness". Everyone believes himself or herself is right and hopes that the other person will admit their wrongs. They argue, even to the point of biting and devouring each other. No wonder it is said that we ourselves are our worst enemies.</p><p>Here are some things that can take away your happiness. Please be alert and stop them because these behaviors affect your daily interactions with others (whether at home, outside, or online). No matter what, don't forget that your words and actions really matter!</p><p>1. Impressing others ... with what you have —your possessions, your accomplishments—don’t result in real relationship or lasting happiness.</p><p>2. Blaming. Your response to any situation is your choice. Try making it a learning opportunity—taking responsibility is empowering.</p><p>3. Controlling. It doesn't help you feel good about yourself. Honor your boundaries, but make space for others' needs and choices, too.</p><p>4. Criticizing. We are all unique and different, not better or worse. Appreciate the differences instead of zeroing in on shortcomings.</p><p>5. Whining. Complaining is ineffective, whereas asking for what you want is liberating.</p><p>6. Clinging to what is known. When you’re feeling afraid or insecure, be willing to let go of the familiar, take a risk and try something new.</p><p>7. Being Ungrateful. Stay aware of all the gifts, grace and blessings that you do have. Express gratitude then surely happiness will follow.</p><p>8. Lecturing. Another form of judging. Find more fun and empowering ways to share your knowledge.</p><p>9. Negative Self-talk. Train yourself to notice your mind's chatter. Working towards changing negative thoughts to positive ones will transform your life.</p><p>10. Fear. Don’t let fear get in the way of progress. Whatever you’ve been dreaming, get going on it. Feel the fear and do it anyway.</p><p><span style="background-color: white;">Everyone needs understanding, support and encouragement from family and friends. Beware that what we think affects how we feel. When James didn’t argue, he thought he was being tolerant. But being ignored when I lost my temper only reinforced my belief that he didn't care.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;">I felt lonely when I only saw things through my own eyes. The shadow of my family of origin also made me feel fearful, anxious, depressed, and angry about my marriage and the future. These emotions might seem normal, but they built a wall between James and me. It wasn't until I believed in Jesus and felt the incomparable love of Christ that I had a turning point. I realized that I had been unconsciously destroying my own happiness over the years, losing much peace, and suffering in vain.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;">"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery... You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other." (Galatians 5:1, 13-15)</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-size: small; text-align: right;">Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications</span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-57820971316696995412024-01-05T13:16:00.000-08:002024-01-05T15:39:06.158-08:00New Beginning in the New Year<p><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">At that time, two friends often invited us to church. After saying "no" for six years, I finally accepted their invitation in 1988. We first went to their house for dinner, and then attended a Christmas program which included singing, sharing, and skit performance. The short play mainly compared and contrasted two women: one had money but no love, and the other had no money but had loving relationships. It turned out that one did not have Jesus, but the other had Jesus.</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">On the morning of January 1, 1989 (Sunday), I thought of those two women and asked myself, </span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">"What do I want? Can people really live differently?"</i></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">My friends mentioned a "new" church not far from my home, I decided to go and have a look. That was my first time attending Sunday worship. As soon as I entered the door, I heard singing. Seeing rows of people sitting in a big hall </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">reminded me of the "morning assembly" in my secondary school days. Those were the happiest, calmest and most stable time in my youth. </span><i style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">How many years ago was that?</i><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;"> I arrived late and left early to avoid talking with people and having to introduce myself. But from that day on, I went to church every Sunday to find some peace and quiet.</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">On the evening of January 28th (Saturday), I attended an evangelistic meeting to "go and see". The speaker is a doctor-turned-pastor. Like me, he came from Hong Kong to pursue the American dream. All my proud achievements suddenly seemed insignificant compared to his. Unexpectedly, at the peak of his career, he also experienced loneliness and emptiness, and he also neglected family relationships. When he was suddenly diagnosed with terminal cancer, he turned back to seek the God whom he had heard of in his youth ... </span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">After his testimony, someone led us to sing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus". </span><span face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">My heart was deeply moved by the lyrics </span><span face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">"</span><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">Oh, what peace we often forfeit, </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">Oh, what needless pain we bear, </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">All because we do not carry e</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">verything to God in prayer!" </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">I couldn't help but sob. It turned out that I also needed the Savior Jesus!</span></p><p><span face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">In the new year, may you know the one true God and the real you, for </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">"if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">(2 Corinthians 5:17)</span></p><p><span face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">Old things have passed, but our old habits and old influences are still there. We need to trust and obey, live by the grace of the Lord, and let God change us. As the Serenity Prayer says, "</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, t</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">he courage to change the things I can, and</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 12px;"> wisdom to know the difference."</span></p><p><span face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">Have you ever had trouble achieving your New Year's resolutions? You are not alone. Most people who make resolutions cannot abide by them on their own. However, here are ten ways to make and keep your New Year’s resolutions or any changes in your life.</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">1. Make resolutions you care about. Be certain the change you want to make really matters to you, and that it’s not just something you think you “should” do.</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">2. Be specific and concrete. Not “I want to lose weight” but “I want to lose five pounds by March 15.” State your goals in measurable and attainable terms.</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">3. Make time. If you want to exercise three times a week, write the dates and times in your calendar.</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">4. Easy does it. Start slowly. Don’t expect to run a marathon by February if you can’t make six miles now.</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">5. Do it differently. If you’ve made the same old resolution for ten years and never been able to keep it, do something differently this time.</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">6. Emphasize</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">the positive. Better to say what you can do rather than what you can’t.</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">7. Start over if you need to. Don’t let one slip cause you to quit the whole program.</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">8. Share your resolutions with a buddy. It’s easier to exercise with supportive family and friends.</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">9. Believe in yourself. Post positive, affirming, and encouraging words to your bathroom mirror, desk, and refrigerator.</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">10. Celebrate your successes. Congratulate and reward yourself.</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">I pray that God will lead you to make the resolutions you most care about and start the new year with a new beginning.</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;">"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us; establish the work of our hands for us—yes, establish the work of our hands." (Psalm 90:12,17)</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 12px;"><span style="color: black; font-size: x-small; text-align: right;"><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span>Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications</span></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-63471506972546963052023-12-02T10:45:00.000-08:002023-12-02T11:47:43.248-08:00Good News with Great Joy<p>Ever since I got sick, my grandchildren have been careful not to tire me out when they come to visit. Although my heart wanted to play many games with them and read one book after another to them, I was more aware of my limitation.</p><p>So that night, when my three youngest grandkids came, after playing one game of Chinese Checkers with them, I was happy that the older two wanted to read by themselves. I asked the youngest whether she wanted to play with NaiNai and she nodded happily. That's because she usually could only be my assistant to move marbles when I played with her older siblings.</p><p>Since there were only two of us, I slowed down and took the opportunity to explain the rules of the Chinese checkers game step by step. She chose the red marbles and I chose the white marbles. I asked her to place the marbles on the chessboard in their respective positions, and then asked her to make the first move.</p><p>"Remember, when it's your turn, you can move your marble by walking or jumping over another marble. You can do this, and you can do this. Give it a try."</p><p>She took action timidly, then smiled.</p><p>"You can move your marble by jumping over another marble to go farther. Watch how NaiNai jumps."</p><p>She tried jumping over another marble, but it was random, not in a straight line.</p><p>"See how these marbles jump off and form different lines? When a marble jumps, it has to stay in the same line. Like this."</p><p>Starting where one of the marbles was, I moved her finger along the lines, one line at a time.</p><p>"When you jump over another marble, you need to count how many holes there are on each side to make sure the marble lands in the right place. If there are one, two, or three holes here, there should be one, two, or three holes there. Count the holes."</p><p>After learning a simple jump, I went on to teach her how to jump over many marbles in a row, taking advantage of every marble she could jump over along the way. She happily jumped from one side of the board to the other, jumping as far as she could. Watching her count holes or try to stay in a straight line, I knew she understood.</p><p>At a good moment, I continued to show her how to jump the marble backwards, thus taking a different route. It's not that easy to learn, so I don't force it on her and just let her choose to walk or jump, as long as the marble can move. I also deliberately slowed down, walking one step at a time, and not jumping too far at once. The four years old is enjoying this game, and we have a lot of fun together. </p><p>Finally, when she moved her last marble to the final target, she excitedly raised her arms and shouted, "I won! I won!" Then, she looked at me and added, "With your help."</p><p>"With my help?"</p><p>She smiled and nodded: "With your help, I won!"</p><p>Sometimes I get frustrated that things don’t go as planned because I’m sick and can’t pick up the pace. But in this precious moment, my little granddaughter taught me a valuable lesson. Because, my "slow" pace can bring the joy of success to a little girl.</p><p>"Dear Lord Jesus Christ, with your help, I am still alive. Thank you for saving me and giving me new life. Thank you for helping me from feeling lonely or afraid in difficult situations. You are with me every step of the way as I take the path of grace.”</p><p>"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.' " (Luke 2:8-11)</p><p><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-35952187846410251492023-11-04T10:47:00.000-07:002023-11-04T10:47:13.976-07:00Count Your Blessings<p>My husband James plays the harmonica, but prefers to whistle. Whether it’s a hymn, an old pop song, or a movie theme song, he can whistle a beautiful melody anytime, anywhere. During weekly family worship with our son, daughter-in-law, and grandchildren, because of the small font in the hymnbook and his poor eyesight, James simply closed his eyes and whistled to join our son’s guitar accompaniment. Even when James has never sung a song before, he can often listen and match the tune.</p><p>For many years I have envied James who taught himself to play the harmonica and whistles. He makes music with his heart, ears and mouth. Although I have learned pipa, piano and vocal music, I have never been able to whistle; no matter what, I can't even make a sound other than a whirring</p><p>In recent months, I have experienced severe pain in my lower back and middle back, including muscle spasms in my chest and ribcage, especially when getting in and out of bed. I had difficulty breathing, rapid heartbeat... and poor sleep quality. I was eventually diagnosed with spinal compression fracture. Severe pain and cramps are caused by every muscle working extremely hard. Eventually I had to wear a special back brace to protect and help my spine heal. I had no strength to do anything.</p><p>During this period, James took me to visit family doctor, orthopedics, cardiology, physical therapy, and various types of tests and scans. While leading Bible studies and preaching as usual, he did all the housework. I felt sorry that I had burdened him, and I worried that he would get tired and fall ill. Sometimes I felt very sad and disappointed. I had just retired, moved, and reunited with our son and family. I really didn’t understand why I fell sick at this time. Sometimes I feel resentful and unwilling to lose my health. I am afraid of not having the chance to see my grandchildren grow up.</p><p>Thank God that James took care of me without complaint. When I was depressed and felt useless, he would ask me: "Do I have to seek your forgiveness if I am sick?" He also reminded me of our retirement and interstate move, pointing out how the smooth transitions are all by God’s grace and timing. "Think about it, if we were still living in California and you were so seriously ill, would I want to move? Could our son, daughter-in-law and grandkids come to visit you so often?"</p><p>Every day, apart from sleeping, eating, receiving treatment, slowly pushing my walker back and forth, and doing simple rehabilitation exercises, I seemed unable to do anything. But when I saw James doing housework step by step with ease, and heard him whistling while he worked, I gradually felt relieved. Yes, things are tough right now, but everyone has difficult times in their lives. Really, I am so grateful to be alive. For my family, for my health, for everything I have, and if the Lord is willing, I want to live well.</p><p>I began to recover in peace day by day reading Scripture, praying, enjoying the presence of our Lord Jesus. When I was tired, I would go to bed. If I couldn’t sleep, I would take deep breaths and recite Scriptures. When I woke up, I would listen to hymns or Bible readings, and walk slowly. This is how I realize the Lord’s good will. The Lord’s grace is sufficient for me, and it is new every morning. One day, I told my son that I couldn’t whistle and I could only whir. To show that I really didn't know how, I pursed my lips without thinking, and unexpectedly made a sound. It was incredible.</p><p>I continued to practice whistling, and I was able to whistle a simple children's song. Even though it was not tuned well, my grandchildren could still guess what song it was. After a few days, I started to whistle "Count Your Blessings" with lyrics written by Johnson Oatman Jr. and music composed by Edwin O. Excell. Here is the first stanza and the refrain:</p><p>"When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed,<br />When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,<br />Count your many blessings, name them one by one,<br />And it will surprise you what the Lord has done. </p><p>Refrain:</p><p>Count your blessings, name them one by one;<br />Count your blessings, see what God has done;<br />Count your blessings, name them one by one;<br />Count your many blessings, see what God has done."</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-88686214533264968662023-10-12T13:28:00.002-07:002023-10-12T13:50:45.272-07:00Do You Have Trust Issues?<p><span>Everyone has different levels and styles of trust. For example, a person may trust a family member completely even though no other family members or outsiders are willing to open up to that person.</span></p><p><span>It can be difficult to trust if you've been hurt—as a child, in a romantic relationship or in a situation that seemed "out of the blue." Rejection, betrayal or abuse are never easy to deal with.</span></p><p><span>But sometimes we build such a strong wall around ourselves that we miss opportunities to develop wonderful, healthy and lasting relationships with loved ones, friends and colleagues. Answer true or false to the statements below to discover what role mistrust may be playing in your life.</span></p><p><span>1. I keep my problems to myself and don’t tell others.</span></p><p><span>2. I don't like to depend on others; they almost always let me down.</span></p><p><span>3. It’s too risky to reveal my weaknesses to my spouse.</span></p><p><span>4. I tend to expect the worst from people; that way, I won't be disappointed.</span></p><p><span>5. People are basically "in it" for themselves. There's no such thing as people doing things for others out of the goodness of their heart.</span></p><p><span>6. I don't rely on anyone other than myself.</span></p><p><span>7. I assume my loved one will cheat on me; that's why I have to stay observant.</span></p><p><span>8. I feel insecure in unknown situations.</span></p><p><span>9. I make no promises and I don’t ask for them.</span></p><p><span>10. I've been betrayed before; there's no way I'm letting that happen again.</span></p><p><span>11. People and situations are never predictable, so it's important to keep my guard up.</span></p><p><span>12. When it comes to making things happen, I'm on my own; it's all up to me.</span></p><p><span>13. I know that I am the only one truly committed to my success in life or business.</span></p><p><span>14. Loyalty never lasts.</span></p><p><span>15. You might be able to trust people when times are good, but forget it when things become challenging.</span></p><p><span>16. When my partner isn't around, I feel anxious, worried, even paranoid.</span></p><p><span>17. When someone becomes interested in me, I feel suspicious.</span></p><p><span>18. There's no one with whom I feel I can completely be myself.</span></p><p><span>If you answered true to five or more of the statements, you may want to explore your concerns around trusting others. Remember: trust must be earned. But if you don't give others a chance to earn that trust, you may be missing out on fulfilling relationships and a more supported life.</span></p><p><span>Do you live in fear or in faith? Now might be a good time to find out what you're afraid of and where this story comes from. Obviously, if you cannot trust others, it may be difficult for you to trust God, rely on Him, and lean on Him from the bottom of your heart; and vice versa. Do you have trust difficulties?</span></p><p><span>When you read, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6), do you feel disbelief, worry, relief or something else? Are you willing to pray to God to change your habit of “unbelief”?</span></p><p><span>“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this:” (Psalm 37:5) because "blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord; whose confidence is in Him” </span><span>(Jeremiah 17:7)</span></p><p style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications</span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-67587059205726261162023-09-07T19:59:00.001-07:002023-09-07T20:08:38.626-07:00Listen to Your Body<p>The body holds most of the information we need to function optimally, but we often ignore what it is saying and focus only on what our brains are telling us. Perhaps because we are not taught from a young age to focus on balancing internal information with external demands, we neglect the body's communications.</p><p>Therefore, we often resort to taking a stronger painkiller instead of investigating what is causing our pain. We use more caffeine or sugar to give us a lift when we feel tired, rather than hearing the message from our body that it needs a break or recognizing fatigue as an early symptom of burnout and paying attention to it. By observing children, we may better understand the importance of taking naps.</p><p>We fail to take into account the thousand little messages communicated to us by how we’re holding ourselves: the mouth that’s pinched and tight rather than relaxed. The fact that our shoulders are up around our ears, the knot of tension in our stomach as we promise to do something when closer consideration might tell us we are already over-extended.</p><p><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">These days we’re notorious for putting deadlines ahead of the protests of aching bones or inadequately nourished bellies. Too often, instead of asking our body what it wants, we go for the quick fill-up or the comfort food that may be the last thing we really need.</span></p><p>So how do you give your body an equal say in how you use it?</p><p><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><b><span style="color: purple;">Start with the breath. </span></b>Breathing consciously is a major part of body awareness. </span>Thank God for every breath. Turn off thoughts and just let yourself experience the inflow and outflow of breath. Label them, “In. Out. In. Out.” Note how and where you are breathing. Not breathing properly is a clear sign that something important is going on.</p><p><b><span style="color: purple;">Allow yourself quiet time. </span></b>Sit for ten minutes just observing yourself, even (especially!) in the middle of a busy day. Meditate on Scripture and pray. Take a walk or a nap. Allow time to do nothing. Soak in a hot tub rather than taking a quick shower.</p><p><b><span style="color: purple;">Get a massage.</span></b> It’s not self-indulgence to be massaged. It wakes up the whole nervous system and helps you tune in.</p><p><b><span style="color: purple;">Use your journal to dialogue with your body.</span></b> Ask your body how it’s feeling, what it wants, and what’s going on. Give that sore wrist or stiff lower back a voice and let it tell you what its message is.</p><p><b><span style="color: purple;">Eat when hungry, sleep when tired. </span></b>Take a week and really pay attention to your body’s most basic needs. Do your real rhythms for eating and sleeping conform to the habits you’ve established? If they don’t, change them!</p><p><b><span style="color: purple;">Do a body inventory to relax. </span></b>Start with your toes and work upwards. Scan your body from the inside. Or try tensing each part slightly, then relaxing it to release residual tension.</p><p><span style="color: purple;"><b>Practice mindfulness</b>. </span>Get used to tuning in to your physical self, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing.</p><p><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif"><span style="color: purple;"><b>Reflect on spiritual truth</b>. </span></span><span face=""verdana" , sans-serif">Nobody likes to be sick, not even a common cold. </span>Life is short. Being sick interrupts our plans. But isn't there more to life than just our physical wellness and existence?</p><p>God uses our families and churches to build us up. The Bible describes the church as the family of God and the body of Christ.</p><p>"Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ... Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many... As it is, there are many parts, but one body... If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it." (1 Corinthians 12:12-27)</p><p>If we need to take care of our physical body, isn’t it even more important to take care of the Body of Christ? Are you listening to your body?</p><p>I am so grateful to belong to a community filled with love and unity! The hurt caused by my family of origin made me long for a perfect family since I was a child. After believing in the Lord, I realized that God’s family can be different. Of course, local churches in various places will still have problems. Only by everyone "living in Christ" can a church be transformed into "the church of the living God, the pillar and foundation of the truth." (1 Timothy 3:15)</p><p>How can we as individuals and as churches be shaped by God? "Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches." (Revelation 2:7,11,17,29; 3:6,13,22)</p><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;"><div style="text-align: right;"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif" style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: #cccccc;">Author's content used under license, </span><span style="line-height: 20px;">©</span><span style="color: #cccccc;"> Claire Communications</span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-54849070073288986362023-08-05T19:40:00.004-07:002023-08-05T20:34:13.061-07:00 Tending the Fences: Setting Healthy Boundaries<p>"Good fences make good neighbors." This is a line from a poem by American poet Robert Frost.</p><p>Likewise, good personal boundaries make for good relationships. Boundaries are those invisible lines of protection you draw around yourself. They let people know your limits on what they can say or do around you. Healthy boundaries give you freedom in relating to others. Make them too solid and you build walls, too weak and you allow other’s actions to harm you.</p><p>It’s not always clear where our boundaries are or need to be. Recognizing and studying the signs of ignored or ineffective boundaries is a good place to start, as these “symptoms” give clues to the needed boundary. See if any of the following ring true for you.</p><p><b>Aloofness and distance. </b>When you are unwilling or fearful of opening your space to others, or when you build walls to insure that others don’t invade your emotional or physical space, this may be a defense against cruel behavior, abuse or neglect that you allowed to happen. A person with healthy boundaries draws a line over which they will not allow anyone to cross. They recognize their right to say, “No!”</p><p><b>Habitual aggressiveness. </b>This kind of attitude declares, “I dare you to come too close!” and is often the result of anger over a past violation or ignoring of your physical or emotional space by others. Healthy boundaries mean you are able to speak up when your space has been violated, leaving you free to trust that you can assertively protect yourself to ensure you are not hurt.</p><p><b>Over-enmeshment. </b>In some groups, the rule of interactions is that everyone must do everything together, and everyone must think, feel and act in the same way, without deviation from group norms. Healthy boundaries acknowledge that you have the right to explore your own interests, hobbies and outlets. </p><p><b>Invisibility. </b>The goal here is not to be seen or heard so that your boundaries are not violated. Healthy boundaries are in effect when you stand up for yourself—be visible, be heard—so that others can learn to respect your rights, needs and personal space.</p><p><b>Dissociation. </b>If you experience “blank out” or “go away” during stressful emotional events, it results in your being out of touch with your feelings and unable to assert your limits. Healthy boundaries allow you to assertively protect yourself from further violation or hurt, and to choose to end relationships with those who will not respect them. With healthy boundaries, you can begin to feel your feelings again.</p><p><b>Smothering and lack of privacy</b>. When another is overly concerned about your needs and interests, or when nothing you think, feel or do is your own business, it can be intrusive into your emotional and physical space, leaving you feeling overwhelmed or like you are being strangled. Healthy boundaries ask that others respect your uniqueness, your choices, your autonomy. </p><p><b>Applying Boundaries</b></p><p>Once we see where our limits need to be clarified or put into place, we can begin to install fence posts or patch holes, to keep unwanted critters out. Here are some strategies for applying limits when your boundaries are intruded upon:</p><p>• Calm yourself and take deep breaths.</p><p>• Remind yourself of your right to set limits.</p><p>• In a firm and composed manner, tell the other person how you feel.</p><p>• Communicate clearly what your limits are, especially when you are extending a new boundary.</p><p>• Ask the other person to respect your boundaries.</p><p>• Make decisions about the relationship according to how the other person responds to your request.</p><p>Our kids and teenagers need boundaries and structures so that they can learn self-control and grow into taking ownership of more and more responsibilities. Choices all have natural and logical consequences. By respecting personal boundary, young people can earn their freedom and experience the reality of living in this world. So, in daily living, it is always important to differentiate between what you would do for yourself, what others would do for themselves, and what they really need help with.</p><p>Boundaries are fences, not walls. They shouldn't be too tight or too loose, just make your boundaries well known and apply them consistently. Good personal boundaries really help in building good relationships, personal growth and the building up of the other person. May all parents, relying on the grace and wisdom of our Lord Jesus, teach by example and by words, and guide their children to establish healthy boundaries amidst the impact of cultural turmoil.</p><p>"Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load." (Galatians 6:1-5)</p><p style="text-align: right;">Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-64461997046867424972023-07-01T09:37:00.394-07:002023-07-01T19:21:44.752-07:00May All Couples of the World Become Lovers in the End<p>I remember that year. I was an undergraduate student at the University of California, Berkeley, majoring in Electrical Engineering and Computer Science. On the first day of one course, every tiered seating in the vast lecture hall was filled. I was sitting near the left entrance and busily taking notes. Suddenly, the door of the right entrance was opened, and an Asian came in. Arrogantly, that person walked behind the professor from the right to the left side of the lecture hall, went up three steps, passed several classmates, and sat down. With a clean and square face, thick hair over ears, a white, yellow and brown shirt and white bell bottom trousers, I couldn't tell whether that was a male or a female.</p><p>When the bell rang for the end of class, TW, a classmate, caught up with me from behind and asked about the group project. Suddenly, the other person approached. It turned out that he was the older brother of TW's friend and was about to graduate with a master's degree. This is how I first met my husband James.</p><p>The group of four was established. We met for the first time in the I-House dormitory of James for discussion. Suddenly, a girl with long hair came to hug James, and my heart sank. Fortunately, she was his eldest sister. After our project and final exam were completed, James started dating me.</p><p>At that time, I had only been studying in the United States from Hong Kong for two years, and I lived with a Caucasian old lady for free room and board. James, on the other hand, immigrated from Taiwan with his parents when he was fifteen. He finished high school in San Francisco and graduated from Berkeley. He was very familiar with the language, environment, and culture. With him caring about me, respecting me, and listening to my broken English, I don't feel alone anymore. What's more, he called every day, drove me to school, took me to dinner after visiting tourist attractions in the Bay Area on the weekend. He loaned me his sisters' magazines and romantic novels. After dating for a month, I met his parents at a restaurant for the first time. I was so impressed seeing them walking hand in hand in their fifties!</p><p>Before finishing graduate school, James found a full-time job, and it seemed that our days together would be ending soon. One day, he said on the phone: "If everything turns out fine, I would like to marry you." I quickly replied, "But I don't know how to cook!" He immediately said, "No problem, we can eat out every day." In this way, after only three months of dating, we got married during my summer break. So the lovers of the world finally got married.</p><p>After the wedding, we moved into a small apartment near his work to have a little world of our own! I was not good at cooking, so I made American breakfast and sandwich lunch, and spent a few hours cooking my "specialized" Chinese dishes for dinner every day.</p><p>One night, I mustered up the courage to ask, "How do you like dinner?"</p><p>His silence surprised me. After a long while, he finally said, "Good, but can we have some variety?"</p><p><i>Not good enough? Didn't you say I didn't need to cook? </i>My heart sank to the bottom, and tears flowed inside. No wonder my mother often said, "Marriage is the grave of love; and all men are unreliable."</p><p><i>Has he forgotten? I grew up in a "son patriarchal" environment. My grandmother was dissatisfied with my mother having two daughters in a row. Later, my father had an affair and gave birth to an illegitimate son and took a concubine. As her second daughter, I stood up for my mother by working hard to be strong, independent, unyielding, and relying on myself in everything, until I met him.</i></p><p>In March of the following year, I graduated from college and also became an engineer. We worked hard to make money and advance our careers, but our relationship was getting more and more distant.</p><p>A few years later, our son was born. James and I often disagreed about parenting our only son. I was well respected at work, but when I got home I felt useless. Every time I came home with my son after shopping for toys, the serious face of James seemed to accuse me of wasting money and spoiling his child. I couldn't wait for James to speak, so I preemptively said, "I earned the money, so I can spend it as I like!"</p><p>James usually remained calm. He avoided conflicts by fleeing the battlefield. The more silent he was, the louder my voice became. Such a vicious circle! In order to prove my worth, I became a "Silicon Valley workaholic." In the middle of the night, I felt hopeless that life was so meaningless. <i>I have been married for thirteen years, and my son is almost six. Is there no other way but divorce?</i></p><p>Thank God that in my desperation, I met my Savior Jesus and became a Christian in 1989. God's unconditional love unraveled my "being bullied" knot, and healed my anxiety and fear. So I excitedly attended church meetings several times a week. A few months later, James had a serious showdown with me, "You say you are saved, and I can let it be. You used to run away to work, and now you run away to church, still ignoring me and our son. You used to be a workaholic, now you are a church-aholic!..."</p><p>It turned out that James was preparing to have a big fight. Unexpectedly, I didn't interrupt at all. After listening to him patiently, I said with tears in my eyes, "You're right. I didn't take your needs into consideration. I was so selfish. I made you angry and disappointed. I'm really sorry, please forgive me." Just like that, we started communicating again.</p><p>When I obeyed God, changed myself, and used empathy to understand, accept, and respect James, I realized that he had always loved me silently. To protect me from cults, he accompanied me to church; to find out what I believed, he read the Bible from cover to cover. He and our son soon became Christians, one after the other, showing me God's amazing work!</p><p>Not arming ourselves, not avoiding conflict, listening with empathy, sharing each other's observations, thoughts, feelings, needs, and wishes, have brought us closer and blessed our son. James supported me in giving up my leadership position at work in 1995 and becoming a full-time mother. A few months later, he encouraged me to attend seminary. I graduated in 1998 and became a marriage and family therapist in California in 2003. James suggested the name of "Parenting ABC" for the organization I founded!</p><p>God's love changes lives. In a blink of an eye, we have been married for decades. Our son has grown up, got married and is raising a family while serving the Lord. Who could have predicted that James and I would become pastor and pastor's wife? Along the way, there are high mountains and low valleys, but we are still connected heart-to-heart and walking hand-in-hand, which is entirely by the grace of God. Conflicts between husband and wife are inevitable. May all couples of the world become lovers in the end.</p><p>"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." (Romans 5:1-5)</p><p>Winnis Chiang, founder of Parenting ABC and a retired LMFT, is passionate about helping Mandarin- and Cantonese-speaking parents to get along with, enjoy, and positively influence their American-born children.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-28341976312952827572023-06-03T03:37:00.001-07:002023-06-03T14:22:31.556-07:00 Recovering from Improper Parenting<p><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">Do you believe the Chinese proverb, "Under heaven, there are no parents who do wrong" (in ping yin: "Tian xia wu bu shi de fu mu"). Most of us care so much about our children that we often love them more than ourselves. But I have to point out that there are improper parenting practices in the Chinese culture.</span></p><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Because parents are usually the first influence in our lives, what we learn or do not learn from them when we're young can have lasting repercussions. Unfortunately, this can translate into many people suffering from the effects of improper parenting.</span><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">If not addressed, those effects can be felt for a lifetime, and they include low self-esteem, being drawn into abusive relationships, unhealthy habits or inhibitions and feelings of worthlessness.</span><br /></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Improper parenting can include physical, sexual and verbal abuse, physical and emotional neglect, rejection, favoritism of one sibling over another, lack of discipline, forcing choices on children and being overly protective or indulgent, and of course, favoritism of one gender over another!</span></div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Often, people raise their children the way they were raised. So, it's important to heal your own wounds first and learn proper parenting techniques so you don't perpetuate this vicious cycle.</span></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">How, then, can we heal from improper parenting to become whole, healthier and happier members of society as well as being better parents to the next generation?</span></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">First, it is important to understand that, in an adult, there is still a part that thinks, feels and reacts like a child because, unfortunately, time alone does not heal childhood wounds. In addition, here are some other steps you can take to learn how to nurture and heal the child within:</span></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /></div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><strong style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Embrace the recovery process.</strong><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="line-height: 18px;"> </span>Whether you decide to seek pastoral counseling, professional therapy, spiritual guidance, life coaching, or learn coping skills yourself, be aware that the process will take time and effort. Be patient with yourself and don't expect perfection.</span></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><strong style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Don't blame others.</strong><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"> We cannot thrive in the present if we are living in the past or blaming others for our problems and conflicts. Even though we could not control the first years of our life, we also should not blame others for the choices we have made. We have to learn how to take responsibility and work through the traumatic feelings from the past that continue to haunt us in the present.</span></div><div><strong style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></strong></div><div><strong style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Identify and remove mental and emotional blocks.</strong><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"> Through therapy, journaling or other techniques, it's important to probe the unprocessed issues from childhood that continue to negatively impact you and block you from living the life you want.</span></div><div><br /></div><div><strong style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Learn new strategies.</strong><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"> Realize that the process consists not only of learning the right behaviors, but about being a whole person. That means taking reasonable risks to build your emotional confidence, self-esteem and self-worth. Personally, my mindset and perspective changed when the Holy Spirit spoke to me through the Bible -- the word of God.</span></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><strong style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Growing up all over again.</strong><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"> Essentially, it's almost like going through the growing up process again, but this time in a way that works for you. </span><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Self-help books may urge you to</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;"> learn to rely upon yourself to meet your own needs </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">or get what you feel you have been lacking, but </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">we need a </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">"full of grace" environment</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;"> to grow. Taking it one step further, we need to be re-parented by someone who is safe and trustworthy. Ultimately, we all need to be re-parented, nurtured and re-shaped by God our Heavenly Father </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">because no parents on earth are perfect.</span></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><strong style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Forgive.</strong><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"> Forgiveness can be a controversial issue. Some regard it as necessary for healing; others say it is not. At heart, forgiveness comes from God and is a process of setting you free. It's not about condoning the way that you were parented, but about understanding the roots of your parents' behavior, letting go of the past, and moving on. Whether or not you decide to forgive your parents, do try to forgive yourself for any choices or behaviors you may regret. You might even reframe any regrets as opportunities for growth and learning.</span></div><div><br /></div><div><strong style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Share your story.</strong><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">Support groups are an excellent opportunity for you to share your story with others in a safe environment. Listen to others who are also suffering, and pour your heart out to someone who can understand what you are going through or have been through, and you will find that you are not alone because of fellow travelers. Attending church fellowships and small groups on a regular basis could help because we all have one Father in heaven!</span></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">It's hard to imagine being a good parent and setting an effective example for our children until we've gone through the recovery process ourselves. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">However, once we begin to heal and let go of the mistakes our parents made in our childhood, we can not only break negative parenting cycles and become better parents, but better functioning human beings as well. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">Only by experiencing God's love and truly learning how to love and accept ourselves can we in turn love and accept others.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">Thank you God for guiding me to recover from improper upbringing and giving me the opportunity to know my Savior Jesus Christ for who He is: </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">"The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is Himself God and is in closest relationship with the Father, has made Him known." (John 1:14, 18)</span></div><div><div align="right" style="background-color: white; color: #d5d5d5; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9px; line-height: 18px;">Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-5937834602035879732023-05-12T06:58:00.001-07:002023-06-03T08:53:46.958-07:00Grow Yourself as a Parent<p><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">In so many ways, having a child really changed my life. I was forced to grow up even though I was already a software development manager in the Silicon Valley. Having to take care of and develop a little child really got me thinking. My life was transformed when I started finding out what I didn't know. Amazingly, even now, as a grandmother for many years, there is still so much to learn.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">How about you? What has your parenting journey been like? No matter where you are on your journey, has it ever occurred to you that you still need some encouragement to face the amazing challenges of parenthood?</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">Imagine a baby shower where the guests bring a special kind of gift for the new parents. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">Not baby clothes. Not strollers or cribs. Not even a single book on child-rearing. The gifts for the new parents? Self-awareness, self-love and self-growth as a person, as well as a parent.</span></p><div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">If you feel uncomfortable with that last statement because it seems to focus too much on yourself, think twice and consider what Jesus taught in the Bible. </span><span style="font-size: 12px;">“The most important one is this: ‘... Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">(Mark 12:29-31).</span></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">As a Chinese parent, you probably care more about your child than yourself. Love and caring are good. However, remember the flying safety instruction of putting on our oxygen mask before helping the child or elderly next to us. If you cannot breathe, you cannot help others!</span></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Parenting is one of the -- if not the -- most challenging jobs on the planet. There is the awesome responsibility of raising and guiding another human being, of course. But it's the daily interactions between children and parents that can require almost super-human amounts of flexibility, patience and awareness. All the experts and all the books aren't there when it's your toddler who won't sleep, your school-age daughter who stole a valued toy from her best friend, your depressed teenage son who is desperately searching for answers, or your adult child who can't hold down a job.</span><br /></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">At one level, successful -- even joyful -- parenting is about listening to ourselves as well as listening to our children. It's a hands-off approach that brings the focus back to what we are feeling and experiencing, so that we don't unthinkingly rain anger and fear down upon our children. Being aware of ourselves helps us develop a strong "mind of Christ" or an intuitive sense of knowing what is best for us and our children in any moment. (And accepting that sometimes we really don't know yet!)</span></div><div><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">In his book "Sacred Parenting," Christian author Gary Thomas writes, "Our natural (but not necessarily holy) inclination to make life as easy as possible for our children, coupled with our focus on what we really want them to achieve, ultimately tells us parents what we value most about life. In what we stress with our children, we reveal the true passion of our own hearts."</span></div><div><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">One of the first challenges is to understand that old patterns -- often formed in our own childhoods -- can often rule our behavior as parents right now. For example, if our own parents tried to fix everything that went wrong, we may try to do the same with our children. But </span><span style="font-size: 12px;">the truth is, sometimes</span><span style="font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">our children may need us just to listen to their fears and not jump in with our own fears and try to "fix" it all.</span></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">In the process, we allow our kids to make mistakes, and that means we can, too. And if we can forgive our kids and accept them with all their flaws and imperfections, it can't be too difficult to do this for ourselves.</span><br /></div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">As author Gary Thomas </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">writes: "Are we leaving an authentic example for our children to follow? Will what they've seen draw them to God, or will our hypocrisy create a roadblock for faith? None of us can leave a perfect example, but we can provide a genuine example, an authentic picture of what it means to walk hand in hand with God."</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">As a mother, have you ever wondered what to leave for your son like I did back then? The Apostle Paul once wrote to Timothy: "</span><span style="font-size: 12px;">I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also." (2 Timothy 1:5)</span></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /></div><div><span style="font-size: 12px;">If you think you can't make it, you're not alone. Who can give you hope, help and healing? Perhaps as Christian parents, all we can do is to live out our new life of "Union with Christ" day by day, moment by moment!</span></div><div><div align="right" style="background-color: white; color: #d5d5d5; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9px; line-height: 18px;">Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications</div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-45497139854363218852023-04-15T11:53:00.003-07:002023-04-15T11:57:07.448-07:00Staying in Touch 保持聯繫<p class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 13px 0px; padding: 0px;">I hope this email finds you well. Thanks for reading my "Parenting ABC" newsletters!</p><p class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 13px 0px; padding: 0px;">As you know, I am now a retired California marriage and family therapist who no longer provides counseling and therapy services. Lord willing, I shall continue to write articles and lead workshops; and you are still welcome to visit ParentingABCtoday.com for additional resources.</p><p class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 13px 0px; padding: 0px;">I understand not everyone is looking for referrals so I have added a CONNECT form on my website so that you can send me a message, ask questions and request prayers in Chinese or English.</p><p class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 13px 0px; padding: 0px;">As a new believer, I received what Jesus said, "Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you." (Mark 5:19) and changed the direction of my life.</p><p class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 13px 0px; padding: 0px;">At this stage I'm still serving as a Pastor's wife being a child of God, a wife, mother, grandmother, sister and friend. There will be changes in the direction and website of Parenting ABC, so please stay tune and <span class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="color: #5e5e5e;">pray for me.</span></p><p class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 13px 0px; padding: 0px;">It has been wonderful to hear from my readers over the years, I still feel encouraged and supported each time I get a message. I'm so glad we have met each other, please tell me how I may pray for you.</p><p class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 13px 0px; padding: 0px;">In case somehow you're not receiving my emails in the future, y<span class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="color: #5e5e5e;">ou may use this CONNECT form to get in touch with me any time. T</span>o use it to update your change of email address, or request a prayer, simply visit <a class="bard-text-block style-scope" data-track-key="link_8889" href="https://parentingabctoday.com/" style="color: #2baadf; line-height: 1.6; padding: 0px;" target="_blank">https://parentingabctoday.com/ </a>and select the CONNECT tab at the top. Please try it now.</p><p class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 13px 0px; padding: 0px;">Remember, you and I are never alone in Christ. May the Lord bless you and your family!</p><p class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 13px 0px; padding: 0px;">=================================================</p><p class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 13px 0px; padding: 0px;">收信平安。感謝你閱讀我的《美國孩子、中國爹娘》Parenting ABC 每月通訊!</p><p class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 13px 0px; padding: 0px;">如你所知,我現在是一名退休的加州婚姻和家庭治療師,不再從事專業諮詢、輔導和治療服務。但主若願意,我將會繼續寫文章和作陪訓講員。請為我禱告,也歡迎隨時到 ParentingABCtoday.com 網站尋求資源。</p><p class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 13px 0px; padding: 0px;">我知道不是每個人都需要專業心理諮詢和治療師的轉介,所以我在網站上添加了一個聯繫表格,這樣你就可以用中文或英文向我發送消息、問問題和請求代禱。</p><p class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 13px 0px; padding: 0px;">初信主,我領受了主耶穌所說的話:「你回家去,到你的親屬那裡,將主為你所做的是何等大的事,是怎樣憐憫你,都告訴他們。」(馬可福音 5:19) 並改變了我的人生方向。</p><p class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 13px 0px; padding: 0px;">在這個階段,我仍然是師母,是神的孩子、妻子、母親、祖母、姐妹和朋友。《美國孩子、中國爹娘》的方向和網站將會有變化,<span class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="color: #5e5e5e;">敬請期待</span><span class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="color: #5e5e5e;">,</span>為<span class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="color: #5e5e5e;">我</span>禱告。</p><p class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 13px 0px; padding: 0px;">多年來收到讀者的來信真是太棒了,每次收到消息時,我仍然感到鼓舞和支持。我很高興我們認識了彼此,請告訴我如何為你禱告。</p><p class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 13px 0px; padding: 0px;">以防你收不到我的電子郵件,你以後可以隨時使用此表格來與我聯繫。要使用它來更改電子郵件地址或請求代禱,只需訪問 <a class="bard-text-block style-scope" data-track-key="link_8891" href="https://parentingabctoday.com/" style="color: #2baadf; line-height: 1.6; padding: 0px;" target="_blank">https://parentingabctoday.com/</a> 並選擇頂部的 CONNECT 選項卡。請現在就<span class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="color: #5e5e5e;">試</span>試看。</p><p class="bard-text-block style-scope" style="background-color: white; color: #343434; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 13px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">不要忘記,在基督裡,你我永遠不會孤單。願神賜福給你和你全家!</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-87275586505539411882023-04-01T12:46:00.003-07:002023-04-01T13:01:28.191-07:00The Power of Resurrection<p>Ten-year-old Fanny moved from the East Coast to the San Francisco Bay Area with her parents. (Fanny was born in the United States and her parents were professionals from overseas.) It had been half-a-year and Fanny was still unhappy and out of tune with her classmates at school. Fanny was also depressed at home and talked less and less. Under the suggestion and recommendation of her teacher, her parents finally agreed to allow her to receive psychological therapy.</p><p>When I first met Fanny, she was very shy, not talkative, but still cooperative. I asked her to draw three separate pictures: a house, a tree, and a person. The tree she drew was actually lying on the ground. There was no horizon line. Although the trees had leaves, but there was no root. When I asked about the tree, she said, "This tree has just been transplanted to a new garden. One day, the wind blew really hard. The leaves were very heavy. Nobody was there to help. And the tree fell down.”</p><p>In subsequent weekly sessions, Fanny drew the toppled tree a few times and repeated the story. But every time she shared a little bit more about what the tree thought and how it felt being uprooted. Suddenly one day, the tree she drew stood tall on the horizon with thick roots, healthy trunks, and green leaves. The girl smiled and said, "Someone helped to replant the tree in the garden. Now it has grown up and is no longer afraid of the strong wind."</p><p>The above is a true story of me helping a child in a public school almost 25 years ago, but the name and background have been changed to protect privacy. "Uprooting" had a great impact on body, mind and spirit. The girl didn't understand why her parents had to move and took her away from the stable home where she grew up, causing her to lose her familiar environment, classmates and friends all at once. Encountering new challenges and setbacks, she felt anxious and fearful. When she spoke out, no one seemed to understand. She only got different opinions, defenses, and advice, which made her feel even more lonely, helpless, and depressed. She was downcast and unmotivated, like the fallen tree with no one to help. Thank God that because of our one-on-one time, listening, and play therapy, she felt cared for and loved. In the course of time, unperceptibly, the root regrew and the tree was able to stand up once again, and Fanny was able to face tomorrow.</p><p>Immigrant parents often have strong personalities, try to find a way out on their own in everything. They want the best for their children, but they often forget that they are limited as human beings. I have also experienced such pressure of life, the different ideas between husband and wife, and the conflicts in parenting. Those challenges caused a lot of anxiety, frustration, anger, pain and disappointment in my heart. I even thought that life was meaningless. Thank God that in my desperation I met my Savior Jesus Christ who "came to seek and to save the lost." (Luke 19:10)</p><p>Everyone will experience difficulties and helplessness in life. What is the core Christians belief? The apostle Paul said, "For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures." (1 Corinthians 15:3-4)</p><p>Although the sky is not always blue after believing in Jesus Christ, but trusting that the Lord is with us, we can rely on Him who loves us to face the storms of life, just as the apostle Paul said: "We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us." (2 Corinthians 1:8-10)</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-57894657454032785162023-03-07T06:33:00.001-08:002023-03-07T06:49:43.291-08:00Handling Adversity: You're Stronger Than You Thought<p>Catastrophic events and bad news can knock us to our knees. COVID-19 epidemic, the Turkey & Syria earthquake, stabbing murder of four Idaho U students, successive shootings in the Chinese community in California, and Tyre Nichol's death after brutal police beating. But personal adversities can pack an equally powerful punch. Our parents get divorced, our spouse is diagnosed with cancer, our family member has a mental breakdown, we lose our home. Often these events seem to come out of nowhere and feel completely unmanageable as we struggle to regain our footing and any semblance of "normal."</p><p><span style="background-color: white;">But, like great trees, humans can grow stronger when exposed to powerful winds. That is easy to say, we may think, as we recall those who did not grow stronger but instead broke in the wind. How do we increase our inner strength and flexibility so that we not only survive the adversity but thrive? Here are several strategies that can help.</span></p><div><strong>Take responsibility<span style="background-color: white;">.</span></strong><span style="background-color: white;"> Look at your role in the situation. Was the event, in fact, predictable? You may have had more control over the situation than you realized. At the same time, don't take more responsibility than is warranted. If your child develops a brain tumor it's not because you did something wrong. Be honest, but don't point fingers, not even at yourself.</span></div><div><br /><span style="background-color: white;"><strong>Be optimistic and think creatively.</strong> Trust that there's a solution to every problem and let your mind soar. Approach the problem from new and different directions. Perhaps rather than losing your home, you could find a housemate whose rent would make the difference between paying the mortgage or not.</span></div><div><br /><span style="background-color: white;"><strong>Have courage and speak up.</strong> Courage is taking action despite the fear you feel. If someone isn't taking you seriously, speak up. Be your own advocate. Tell that person what you want and need. Don't assume he or she "should know."</span></div><div><br /><span style="background-color: white;"><strong>Take the long view.</strong> Recount other times when you have overcome challenges. How did you do it? Who or what helped you? Who or what can help you this time?</span></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><strong>Maintain a sense of humor.</strong> There's truth in the adage: "Laughter is the best medicine." Even in the darkest of times, laughter can help ease the pain.</span></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><strong>Get support.</strong> No one can handle everything alone. When you get that overwhelmed feeling—or even before—reach out. Ask for help. Next time, ask for it sooner. You'll be amazed by how much better you feel.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><strong>Don't quit.</strong> Persistence may be the greatest human quality that helps us overcome adversity. Draw inspiration from the great heroes of the world and the Bible who persisted despite the odds. Remember, you are your own best ally. And you're stronger and more resilient than you thought.</span></div><div><br /></div><div>The Apostle Paul shared his secret from his experience as a follower of Christ:</div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." (2 Corinthians 4:7-9)</span></div><div><br /></div><div><div align="right" style="color: #d5d5d5; font-size: 9px;">Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-75188851751610640542023-02-11T06:33:00.002-08:002023-02-11T08:03:17.814-08:00Come Sit Awhile with MeMany years ago, my husband James had to leave the house early for an all-day meeting. Knowing how he prefers oatmeal than donuts or pastries, I got up to fix breakfast. While cooking, lots of thoughts went through my mind.<div><div><i><br /></i><i>Just oatmeal? But I'm sleepy. Scrambled eggs? James would love that. But I'm really tired. Maybe I will g</i><i>o back to bed as soon as he starts eating.</i></div><div><br /></div><div>But I changed my mind. James obviously enjoyed his breakfast. Suddenly, he looked up and said, "Thanks for getting up early and fixing breakfast. I so appreciate you eating with me. Do you know that in the song <i>You Raise Me Up</i>, the phrase '<i>Until you Come and Sit Awhile with Me' </i>always moves me? It means so much that you sit with me, even just for 15 minutes. I know you are tired."</div><div><br /></div><div>My eyes got moist. "Thanks. I'm tired. Part of me didn't want to get up. I just wanted to cook breakfast and go back to sleep. I wasn't hungry, but there was another part of me that just wanted to sit with you for a while. Now you tell me the same thing: 'Come and sit awhile with me.' Actually, I thought of that song too."</div><div><div><br /></div><div>“Glad to hear that. Now I can see that every week when we sit down to talk or sing with Mama, or to go for a walk with her, we are giving her a gift.” (This was in the days that my mother-in-law was still alive.)</div><div><br /></div><div>Humans crave belonging and connection. Everyone needs a friend who will listen, sit down, fish or play basketball with. Caring is more than feeling sorry for someone when something bad happens. Caring is not just doing things for family members out of duty. We can learn how to help others joyfully by being there with them. CARE requires Compassion, Acceptance, Respect and Empathy. As followers of Christ, we already have new life. With the Holy Spirit dwelling in us, we can, by God's grace, be inspiring and encouraging helpers like Brother Barnabas.</div><div><br /></div><div>"News of this reached the church in Jerusalem, and they sent Barnabas to Antioch. When he arrived and saw what the grace of God had done, he was glad and encouraged them all to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts." (Acts 11:22-23).</div><div><div><br /></div><div>I'm so glad we spent time every week with Mama while she was still alive. James and I have recently moved to be closer to our son and his growing family. Although we still need to get used to the cold weather, how wonderful it is to spend time with one or many of them! Imagine our joy when our daughter-in-law showed up one day and said, "It's warm outside today, are you interested in taking a walk together?"</div></div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-6893930593291567422023-01-13T07:55:00.001-08:002023-01-13T08:08:48.525-08:00The Road Ahead: What Will You Do Differently This Year<div><span style="background-color: white;">Changing the way things are done can bring opportunities for great success. But reaction to change may be fearful and irrational, which can result in failures, a decrease in quality and a loss of productivity and production. When it comes to family, work, business and ministry, it can be tempting to give in to those anxieties by doing what's always been done. But some form of adjustment, such as freeing up time, money, and energy for new opportunities, is sometimes necessary in order to prepare for a better year.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">Firstly, decide which are the most important adjustments to make. Ask yourself these questions:</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">1. What personal and business toleration interfered with your personal and work progress? Having to "tolerate" something or someone may mean you believe there is no choice, so you just bite your tongue and grind your teeth. Toleration is a good indication of having certain problems you need to face.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">2. Were last year's goals reached? Why or why not? How will those obstacles be addressed? Setting new goals without having evaluated the previous year's goals can result in a cycle of substandard results.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><span>3. What are some fiscally responsible goals, e.g. increasing income, collaborating with people, creating new products or services, improving marketing strategies, etc.,</span> that will also be fun? Remember, all work and no play make Jack a dull (and bored) boy, as the saying goes.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">4. What expectations do you have for your relationships? For example, rekindling love with your spouse, getting along with your teenager, playing with your kid, enjoying and appreciating your family, and giving thanks to God for His love and faithfulness, etc. How will these goals bring joy to your life?</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">5. What self-care do you need to focus on for the health of your body, mind and spirit? For example, diet, exercise, spiritual disciplines, and other life issues. Are you focused on what really matters in your life?</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">Secondly, what do you need to change to have a better year? Here are some suggestions for your consideration:</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">1. Choose passion over profit. Connect to your bigger purpose in life, work, business and ministry; and then the rewards will flow effortlessly. Passionate people attract success.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">2. Learning with an open mind. Technology changes fast. Staying on top of what's working now is only half the battle. Reading the Bible, praying, observing, and thinking are essential. Discovering what's up and coming and leveraging that knowledge is the key to an exceptional year. Are there something new that you could learn with your spouse, children, friends, colleagues or co-workers?</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">3. Count your blessings and celebrate success. Acknowledging and rewarding success with gratitude keeps everyone motivated. Mark those mini-milestones with celebration and recognition!</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">4. Add, don't subtract. In business, when repeat clients stop buying your products or services, something needs to change. Instead of cutting prices, add value instead--bundle existing services/products, add bonuses or create new offerings. At home, when your family members are not talking to each other, something is wrong. Instead of pretending that all is well (e.g. "we never argue"), learn to listen attentively and talk assertively to engage them with respect and care.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">Finally, beware of blind spots</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">1. Every driver has blind spots. That's what rear-view mirrors are for. Blind spots in the family, church, work and business environment can be harder to identify. In a factory, how does a person avert disaster in a work environment without the benefit of mirrors? How can you find out your blind spots?</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">2. Ask around. Getting honest feedback from family and church members, clients, customers and service providers can be as uncomfortable as it is invaluable. Do it anyway.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">3. Coffee time. Chat up a friend, family member, co-worker or colleague and encourage them to share their observations about what you are doing well and what needs improvement. Sometimes what needs to change is missed because it is so "obvious."</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">4. Seek professional help. Getting an objective outsiders opinion can help you see what is going well or not.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">Moving into the New Year doesn't have to be a scary proposition. Having a clear sense of what's ahead can circumvent failure and create a successful year. Anxious of changing? Afraid of taking risks? Try your best and leave the outcome to God.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><div><br /></div><div>At the beginning of last year, I missed my family dearly. But due to the pandemic and our work schedule, it seemed impossible to visit loved ones whom I had not seen for several years. All I could do was to pray. Unexpectedly, God led step by step and allowed me to retire and move before year end. How grateful we are to be reunited with our son and his family! My husband and I can continue to study the Bible online with our brothers and sisters, and we can also watch our grandchildren grow up in close proximity. Everything is by grace. In the process, we cling to the word of God:</div></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><i>Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”</i> (James 4:13-15)</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">Of course, not everyone has to change for the sake of change. But you can still take some time to evaluate the past and look forward to the future, may the Lord show you His will, His way, and His timing in this new year!</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-66777133095633828962022-12-10T12:31:00.004-08:002023-01-12T05:42:11.657-08:00Gratefulness and What a Friend We Have in Jesus<p>Most of us are t<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;">hankful for our health, our safety, our loved ones. But what else? What do we take for granted? What moves us? What would fill our hearts daily if we would just notice it?</span></p><p><b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;">1. The senses.</span></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;"> Sight, sound, touch, smell and taste—daily miracles each of them.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;">2. The plant world.</span></b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;"> From the productivity of a late-summer tomato plant to the delicate unfurling of a fern, nature’s richness and tenderness is something to behold.</span></p><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="line-height: 18px;"><div style="background-color: white;"><span><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;">3. Opportunity.</span></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;"> Our steady companion, opportunity is always ready to take us down a path yet unknown. (Hint: We have to say “Yes!”)</span></p></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;">4. Beauty.</span></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;"> What do your eyes feast on? What splendor makes your heart rejoice? Beauty is all around us every day. How often do you stop to enjoy it?</span></p></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;">5. The ability to learn.</span></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;"> There is no age limit on learning—period. When we stop learning, we literally stop living.</span></p></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;">6. Young children.</span></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;"> They model for us innocence, faith, resilience, playfulness and unconditional love.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;">7. Music.</span></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;"> What inspires you and lifts your mood? Classical, Rock & roll, African drumming, violin concertos, a hymn, a nightingale?</span></p></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;">8. The ability to give.</span></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;"> Every act of love benefits the giver as much as the receiver.</span></p></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: 12px;"><b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;">9. Color.</span></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;"> Sunsets, paintings, green trees, blue sky, purple flowers. Imagine a world without color.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;">10. Change.</span></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;"> It’s unavoidable; the only constant. Change can be unsettling or challenging. But the mystery of it and what lies beyond it can keep us young at heart.</span></p></span></div><div><span><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times;">I used to take many good things for granted. Instead of being grateful for opportunities and changes, I was annoyed because they took me out of my familiar comfort zone.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times;">The reason I refused to go to church before I became a believer was because I didn't want to admit that there were problems in my life that I couldn't solve. </span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16px;">After saying "No" for six years, I finally accepted an invitation from two friends in 1988. We had dinner at their house</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16px;"> before going to their church's</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16px;"> Christmas celebration</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16px;">. We sang songs. We listened to people sharing. But the only thing that touched my heart was a skit performance. The drama compared and contrasted the lives of two women, one with Jesus and one without. </span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16px;">It got me thinking.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;">A few days later, on Sunday, January 1, 1989, I remembered the "new" church near our house that our friends mentioned. </span><span style="font-family: Times;">That was the first time I attended any Sunday worship. To avoid talking with people, I arrived late and departed early. </span><span style="font-family: Times;">Nevertheless, I went again the next Sunday, and the next. I heard about a upcoming </span><span style="font-family: Times;">"Double Healing" </span><span style="font-family: Times;">Evangelistic meeting that would be held on the last Saturday of January. Even though I had no idea what that was all about, I went because I yearned for healing.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;">The preacher at the meeting was a physician-turned-pastor. Like me, he came from Hong Kong to pursue the American dream. All of my proud accomplishments paled in comparison to his. To my surprise, he also experienced loneliness and emptiness </span><span style="font-family: Times;">at the peak of his career</span><span style="font-family: Times;">. He shared how he neglected family relationshi<span style="background-color: white;">ps i</span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times;">n pursuit of his career and material successes. </span><span style="font-family: Times;">Being suddenly diagnosed with terminal cancer was his wake up call. </span><span style="font-family: Times;">That's when he called out to Jesus Christ whom he had heard of as a child</span><span style="font-family: Times;">. Indeed “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” (Romans 10:13).</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Times;">Long story short, God restored his marriage and he began writing many letters to his young children so that they could receive timely letters from their "Father Far Away" while growing up without him. Miraculously, his cancer cells disappeared suddenly. He received double healing!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;">After he finished his testimony, someone led us to sing</span><span style="font-family: Times;"> "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." My heart was pierced by the lyrics "Oh, what peace we often forfeit? Oh What needless pain we bear? All because we do not carry everything to God in prayers!" I couldn't stop sobbing. It turns out that </span><span style="font-family: Times;">I also needed the Savior Jesus!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times;">I am thankful for the opportunity to say "Yes" to my friend's </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Times;">Christmas celebration invitation</span><span style="font-family: Times;">. I am grateful for the opportunity to say "Yes" to Jesus Christ on Saturday, January 28, 1989. Jesus Christ is my Lord, my God, my King, and my Good Shepherd. He is not only my Savior, but also my closest friend.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times;">"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." (John 15:13)</span></p></span></div></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-9175499122677719872022-11-11T13:08:00.004-08:002022-11-11T20:47:15.717-08:00 Top 10 Ways to Have the Best Holidays Ever<p><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Year. With each special day will come the hope that this one will be truly exceptional. However, many of us quickly get bogged down in busyness, stress and old patterns. Here are 10 ways to turn that dynamic around.</span></p><p><b style="font-family: Cambria;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">1. Give yourself a break.</span> </b><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Perfection -- even perfect happiness -- just isn't possible by human efforts. Let your best be good enough. Make a budget for both your time and your money -- and stick to it. It really is the thought that counts. </span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;"><b style="font-family: Cambria;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">2. Make conscious decisions. </span></b><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Get clear about what you really want to do over the holidays before compromising with others. If you don't have a clear plan and clear intentions, you might find yourself getting swept along by others' desires. Even if you compromise later, get clear first. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Cambria;">Be loving and assertive, share your feeling and tell people what you want. Don't blame them for guessing your wishes wrong. Better yet, be sensitive to what God wants for your relationships.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: Cambria;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">3. Shorten your to-do list.</span> </span></b><span style="font-family: Cambria;">What do the holidays mean to you? For many, it’s about family and friends and spirituality. </span><span style="font-family: Cambria;">If an item doesn’t add to your holiday spirit, scratch it off. </span><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Otherwise, be creative! </span><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Many years ago, my <span style="background-color: white;">sister-in-law</span> (who has five kids) suggested each of us to bring one gift on Christmas Eve instead of buying one gift for each person. </span><span style="font-family: Cambria;">After dinner, we played a modified version of the "white elephant" game that allows you to "steal" a gift you really like. It has been a big hit ever since!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Cambria;">4. Say no when you want to.</span></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></b><span style="font-family: Cambria;">It’s very liberating. Try it and see. </span><span>It sounds simple, but too often obligation trumps desire. When faced with options, choose the one that would make you happier around people and pleasing to your Heavenly Father. </span>It is better to treat people with truth than to go along and be secretly dissatisfied.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria;"><b><span style="color: #cc0000;">5. Limit obligatory activities.</span> </b>If you can't avoid certain events, limit the time you're there. </span><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Don't burn yourself out.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="font-family: Cambria;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">6. Take good care of yourself.</span> </b><span style="font-family: Cambria;">The old standards help keep stress at bay: eat healthfully, exercise, drink lots of water, and breathe deeply. Please schedule time for relaxation and fun. I love to spend time by myself with the Lord to reflect on His love, goodness and faithfulness.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="font-family: Cambria;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">7. Start early.</span> </b><span style="font-family: Cambria;">To avoid a last-minute frenzy that can bust your budget, start shopping or making presents now. If you are not ready for the holidays this year, keep it simple. Just remember that </span><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Thanksgiving is a reminder to give thanks in all things; and Jesus Christ is the real reason for Christmas!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #cc0000;"><b><span style="font-family: Cambria;">8. Ask for help.</span></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></b></span><span style="font-family: Cambria;"><span>Don't be self-righteous and feel that everything is up to you. </span>The burden of preparations should not fall upon one person. </span><span style="font-family: Cambria;">The more specific you are in your request, the more successful you’ll be.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Cambria;">9. Get support.</span></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></b><span style="font-family: Cambria;">If a glorious holiday season feels completely out of reach, you may experience the holiday blues. Many people do. </span><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Don’t beat yourself up for feeling that way. </span><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Reach out for the support you need.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Cambria;">10. Establish new traditions.</span></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria;"> </span></b><span style="font-family: Cambria;">If you have experienced a major life-changing event, such as a death or divorce, consider doing something you</span><span style="font-family: Cambria;">'</span><span style="font-family: Cambria;"><span>ve never done before over the holidays, such as travel to another country or take a cruise or just enjoy in </span>quietness<span> and </span></span><span style="font-family: Cambria;">peace with gratitude.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Cambria;"><span>The pandemic has affected all of us. It reminds us that life is short and unpredictable. </span></span><span style="font-family: Cambria;">Many of us feel trapped, even imprisoned. Let's see </span><span style="font-family: Cambria;">how did the Apostle Paul exhorted believers in his letter </span><span style="font-family: Cambria;">while he was actually in prison.</span></p><div><span style="font-family: Cambria;">"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:4-7)</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-40527482091944563312022-10-08T06:30:00.001-07:002022-10-08T08:14:07.352-07:00Self-Acceptance is an Action<p>Imagine you are standing naked in front of a full-length mirror. You are asked to stare at yourself for two minutes.</p><p><span style="text-indent: 36pt;">Now take a quick inventory of the feelings </span><span style="text-indent: 48px;"> </span><span style="text-indent: 48px;">this suggestion evokes. </span><span style="text-indent: 36pt;">Did you feel curious or afraid? Interested or hesitant? Willing or unwilling? Or did you reject the whole idea as something you would absolutely never do? Imagining the experience gives you an indication of your level of self-acceptance; actually doing it will tell you even more.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span> </span><span>Self-acceptance is an action. It is something we do, not just something we feel. To say “I value myself” is an act of self-affirmation that provides a base from which self-esteem develops.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">When practicing self-acceptance, we don't have to like everything about ourselves. In fact, we almost certainly won't. What it really means is that we acknowledge and accept that our thoughts, actions, emotions, bodies, dreams, etc. (that is, everything about us) are our own.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span> </span><span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">“But I don’t want to be insecure (or afraid or judgmental or angry or fat or old or alcoholic or any of a dozen other things),” someone might say. “If I accept that about myself, it means I don’t want to change. Or I won’t change.”</span></span></p><div><span>Here’s the paradox: without acceptance of what is, it is impossible to change.</span></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="text-indent: 36pt;">When we deny any part of ourselves, we see that part alien or outside. To say, “I don’t want to be _________, therefore I won’t accept that I am,” is self-rejection, the exact opposite of self-acceptance. To say, “I don’t want to be ________, but I am and I am willing to change,” is the kind of self-acceptance that gives birth to transformation.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="text-indent: 36pt;">Healing and growth can only come in when awareness and acceptance open the door. Someone said, "Nothing boosts a person's self-esteem more than being aware of and accepting that part of oneself that is not valued."</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="text-indent: 36pt;">Here’s another exercise: Try on any emotion that is difficult to face — insecurity, jealousy, anger, fear. Try it on as if it were a sweater or a pair of shoes. Breathe into it and focus on it; feel your feelings. Notice how, as you accept and experience it, the feeling begins to melt away.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="text-indent: 36pt;">If you are resisting — tightening your muscles, holding your breath — accept your resistance. If you deny the resistance, it will only gain in strength. But, like the feelings themselves, if you embrace the resistance, it will dissipate.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="text-indent: 36pt;">It’s not only negative feelings or thoughts we sometimes don’t accept; we refuse our positive sides, too. In fact, some of our bright side can seem more frightening than the dark. What a loss to refuse to accept our excitement or joy, our </span><span style="text-indent: 48px;">charm</span><span style="text-indent: 36pt;"> or our beauty. </span><span style="text-indent: 48px;">How sad it is to be afraid of the talents, visions or dreams God has given us.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="text-indent: 36pt;">It has been said that the greatest crime we commit against ourselves is not that we deny and disown our shortcomings, but that we deny and disown our </span><span style="text-indent: 48px;">strengths or being different.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="text-indent: 36pt;">At its <span>lowest point</span>, self-acceptance is what keeps us alive. It is the strength that keeps us moving; it is what gives us the courage to finally say “No!” or “Yes!” It is the hand that reaches out for help.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="text-indent: 36pt;">To be self-accepting is to be for yourself, not against yourself. </span><span style="text-indent: 36pt;">This is the birthright by grace for every human being.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">"I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me." (1 Corinthians 4:3-4)</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #d5d5d5; font-size: 9px; text-align: -webkit-right;">Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications</span></p><div><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-76871952130634787552022-09-17T16:39:00.002-07:002022-10-08T08:14:56.366-07:00Develop Emotional Resilience to Meet Challenges<p><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">Major disruptions are traps we all experience at one time or another in our lives. We get fired, laid off or passed over; a loved one dies, leaves or gets in trouble; a project stalls or gets cancelled. The list, unfortunately, is endless.</span></p><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">For some, the impact of these hard times is overwhelming. Recovery, if it comes at all, can be painfully slow. Others show resilience and are admirably able to glide through these times fairly easily, bouncing back to a normal life again quickly. Resilience -- the strength required to adapt to change -- acts as our internal compass so we can resourcefully navigate an upset.</span></div><div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">When unexpected events turn life upside down, it's the degree to which our resiliency comes into play that makes these "make-or-break" situations an opportunity for growth. The good news is that each of us has the capacity to reorganize our life after a disruption and to achieve new levels of strength and meaningfulness. Though it's easy to feel vulnerable in the midst of chaos and uncertainty, life disruptions are not necessarily a bad thing because they help us grow and meet future challenges in our lives. It's a lot like a bone that was once fragile or broken, and is now strong from being used.</span></div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">So how can you become more resilient? Here's a look at seven key characteristics of Christians who demonstrate resilience during life's twists and turns.</span></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><strong style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">1. A Sense of Hope and Trust in God</strong><br /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Resilient people rely on their belief in the basic goodness of God and trust that things will turn out alright in the end. This positive attitude allows them to weather times when everything seems bleak and to look for and accept the support that is out there. This approach toward the world gives them the ability to hope for a better future.</span></div><div><br /></div><div><strong style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">2. Interpreting Experiences in a New Light</strong><br /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">The ability to look at a situation in a new way (a skill called "reframing") can minimize the impact of a difficult situation. Christians can reframe situations through the perspective of a loving and faithful God. Resilient people take a creative approach toward solving a problem, and don't always use an old definition for a new challenge.</span></div><div><br /></div><div><strong style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">3. A Meaningful System of Support</strong><br /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">One of the best ways to endure a crisis is to have the support of another person who can listen and validate your feelings. Knowing that others care and will come to our support decreases the feeling of isolation, especially when tackling a problem alone. It's important to choose people you trust. Don't be surprised if it takes several friends, each of whom can provide different kinds of support. Resilient people aren't stoic loners. They know the value of expressing their fears and frustrations, as well as receiving support, coaching or guidance from friends, family or a professional. Even if people fail you, remember that God will never leave you nor forsake you. God is your ultimate support!</span></div><div><br /></div><div><strong style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">4. Believing that God is in Control of Your Life</strong><br /><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">You may not be able to predict the future, but you can face problems with God, not by forces beyond your control. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">Resilient people know that ultimately their survival and the integrity of their life values depend on their ability to take action rather than remain passive. Tough times call for you to tap into your own sense of personal responsibility while journeying with God and others. Knowing God controls circumstances and outcomes, we can be free from performance anxiety while motivated to do our best for the glory of His Kingdom.</span></div><div><br /></div><div><strong style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">5. Self-Reflection and Insight</strong></div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Life's experiences provide fertile ground for learning. Asking yourself questions that invite introspection can open a door to new understanding and appreciation of who you are and what you stand for. Giving voice to your thoughts and feelings leads to insight and helps transform the meaning of a problem into something useful. Resilient people learn from life situations and do not succumb to punishing themselves because of decisions made in the past. Identity unleashed: "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1).</span></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><strong style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">6. A Wide Range of Interests</strong><br /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">People who show resilience in the face of adversity are those who have a diversity of interests. They're open to new experiences and ideas. Because their lives are rich and varied, it's easier for them to find relief from the ramifications and worries that often accompany a crisis. Each person has strengths and weaknesses. Each one of us is unique in God's eyes.</span></div><div><br /></div><div><strong style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">7. Sense of Humor</strong><br /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Have you ever had a wry laugh during a difficult situation? The ability to see the absurdity, irony, or genuine humor in a situation stimulates our sense of hope and possibility. Humor has both psychological and physical benefits in relieving stress because it encourages a swift change in your perception of your circumstances -- and when your thoughts change, your mood follows. Christians can rejoice even in our suffering because we know and trust we are loved by God for eternity.</span></div><div><br /></div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">When you look to improve these seven areas now before adversity hits, you'll be able to bounce back more quickly. By practicing in real life, you will influence your kids and develop resilience in them -- by showing, not just telling.</span></div><div> </div><div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #d5d5d5; font-size: 9px; text-align: -webkit-right;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #d5d5d5; font-size: 9px; text-align: -webkit-right;">Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications</span></div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-1441022433490242442022-07-09T11:58:00.006-07:002022-07-11T07:53:26.645-07:00No One Wins in the Blaming Game<p><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">Whether we fabricate unbelievable excuses like, "The dog ate my homework," or blame others for what happens to us, we give up not only responsibility for our lives, but also our power.</span></p><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">When things go wrong, blame is an easy way of taking the spotlight off ourselves and shining it on others. From the first excuse we used as a child, shifting blame often becomes an all-purpose gadget in our toolbox of defenses, so handy we often reach for it without even thinking.</span></div><div><strong style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></strong><div><strong style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><span style="color: #990000;">Why do people blame?</span></strong></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">• Blame is a ready outlet for anger, hurt and disappointment. It is always easier to point the finger at someone for our troubles than to consider our own roles in causing or maintaining the problems.</span></div><div><br /></div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">• Having someone to blame allows us to maintain our self-image. In our own eyes, we can remain that punctual, efficient person we would be except for the interferences and inefficiencies of other people.</span></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">• Blame is a reflex action. It's the first thing you say when you've been caught and you need to preserve your dignity. Remember the time you tripped over a loose brick left on the sidewalk and immediately cried out, "What idiot left that here?"</span></div><div><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">• Blame is a convenient form of procrastination. To our own ears, the flimsiest of excuses can sound like a reasonable explanation when someone else is at fault. "I would build that bookshelf for you today if Jack had returned the tools he borrowed."</span></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">• Blame can act as a defense. Shifting responsibility to someone else can be comforting. For examples: "If only my parents had encouraged me, I could have become a really great dancer" and "if only your boss didn't demand so much, you'd have more time for those classes you want to take."</span><br /></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">• Blaming others is less painful than blaming ourselves. If we regret choices we have made in our lives, pointing the finger at someone else means we don't have to own up to our decisions, some of which might not have been the wisest.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">• Blame can be a potent psychological weapon. Making others feel guilty can give us a feeling of power.</span></div><div><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">• Blame obscures the root and true nature of problems. As long as someone or something else is responsible for our feelings, our failures, our lives, we don't have to do anything. The problem is not ours, but theirs.</span></div><div><br /></div><div><span face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #990000;"><b>The benefits of taking responsibility</b></span><br /></div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">.• The consequence of blame is that it traps us in the past and prevents us from moving forward. Blaming others keeps us in the role of victims. However, that didn't help change anything.</span></div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div><div><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">• While </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">we may not always have complete control over what happens, we do have control over our own reactions and emotions. One way to claim our lives is by taking 100 percent responsibility for what we feel. Rather than "you make me feel...," say, "I feel... "</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">• </span><span face=""verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Like using chewing gum and baling wire for a repair job, blame may be a handy tool, but it won't hold up over time. Using blame makes us forget we have power </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12px;">to control our own lives by the grace of the Lord, and that we can choose to take responsibility for ourselves and enjoy the freedom in Christ.</span></div><div><br /></div><div><span face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #990000;"><b>Are you familiar with when and how blame entered into the world?</b></span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;" /></div><div><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 12px;">God said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”</span></div><div><div><span style="font-size: 12px;">The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”</span></div><div><span style="font-size: 12px;">Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”</span></div><div><span style="font-size: 12px;">The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:11-13)</span></div><div align="right" style="background-color: white; color: #d5d5d5; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9px; line-height: 18px;">Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications</div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-25565976632022407172022-06-03T18:30:00.064-07:002022-06-03T21:00:16.386-07:00How to Handle Resentments<p>Some people can spend hours dwelling on the wrongs done them, the injustices, the slights, the snubs, insults, indifferences, slurs, and just plain bad treatment. They can think of a particular instance and, sure as Pavlov’s dog, up comes the same feeling the original occurrence caused, and they get mad all over again. They hold onto their resentments with the same tenacity that dog’s hair might cling to a cashmere sweater.</p><p>Resent comes from the French word sentir, to feel or experience. To resent something or someone is to feel again the fear, the anger, the hurt, the humiliation, the pain of the original experience — real or imagined. Carried along with us, this feeling gets packed away in a bag labeled grudge or blame. It’s a bag full of judgments where other people are always wrong and at fault, and, after a while, it can make for a pretty heavy load.</p><p>“Of all the futile and destructive emotions to which human beings are prey, perhaps the most universal is resentment,” said Theodore Dalrymple in his essay, “The Uses of Resentment.” Resentment eats away at self-esteem and peace of mind. It replaces hope with bitterness and opportunities for growth with stagnation. If a person can blame someone else, then they don’t have to take responsibility for themselves. </p><p>Of course, we can’t always have control over what happened to us, especially if we were children, but we do have control on how we choose to respond to it today, and how we will deal with it.</p><p>A life filled with resentments chains the one who would be victim and stifles any change that could make life easier, more productive and joyful. “Resentments,” as the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous puts it, “keep us from the sunlight of the spirit.”</p><p>From one perspective, any time a resentment takes up emotional space, it indicates there’s something at issue that has not been resolved. Maybe the best thing is to slow down and try to see what part of is still trying to get your attention.</p><p>Getting rid of old resentments isn’t as easy as simply saying, “Resentment, be gone.” Judgments, the need to be right, not taking responsibility for certain actions or behaviors, a feeling of being special or entitled, vindictiveness or a need for revenge, a simple (or not so simple) misunderstanding, or an inability to forgive — all these might be in the way of releasing resentments.</p><p>Along with causing a “re-feeling” of the original emotion, resentments give a person an opportunity to re-look at the event or situation. Sometimes holding onto a resentment is a way of avoiding pain, and this re-looking can unlock the doors that have held it at bay. </p><p>How to deal with old resentments? Write them down; talk about them, not in a blaming way, but with a willingness to see all sides of the issue. Determine what the lessons are, what needs to be let go of, what needs more work. You may begin to see where empathy can create wholeness and where forgiveness can heal. </p><p>Tragedies in my family of origin, including my grandma's preference of boys over girls, my dad's infidelity to my mom, and Mommy's untimely death caused me to be filled with inexplicable resentment in my married life. I thank the Lord Jesus for the opportunity to break free from the bondage of sin. Not only was I released from resentment, I was able to forgive those who had hurt me, so that I could experience freedom in Christ. I am especially grateful that my father finally believed in the Lord. The old has gone, the new is here! </p><p>"Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong ... Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil." (Psalm 37:1,7-8)</p><p><span style="color: #cccccc; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: x-small; text-align: -webkit-right;">Author's content used under license, </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: x-small; line-height: 20px; text-align: -webkit-right;">©</span><span style="color: #cccccc; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: x-small; text-align: -webkit-right;"> Claire Communications</span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-4309783276098641242022-05-04T12:34:00.175-07:002022-06-03T21:01:38.627-07:00In Your Anger Do Not Sin<p>The day before I left Hong Kong in August 1973, my Mommy insisted on personally ironing my every shirt. I was packing when I suddenly heard her yelled, "Oh, No!"</p><p>Rushing out of the room, seeing the burn marks on the pointed collar of my yellow blouse, I couldn't help but shout, "Mommy! Why did you do that?"</p><p>But I felt bad as soon as the words came out. I hurriedly fled the scene and ran back to the room to hide my frustration and disappointment.</p><p>It seemed that my head was about to explode. I was mad at losing my favorite top. That silk blouse had a pointed collar, a bright yellow background, and a cute pattern of little white elephants. Not only did it look good in my eyes, but it was often envied by my classmates and friends. Now that one collar was burned, how could I wear it again?</p><p>On the other hand, Mommy's pale face reminded me of her sacrificial love. <i>How could I lose temper at Mommy before leaving to study in the United States? The blouse was ruined, and I broke her heart. Why did I do that? </i>The more I thought about it, the more guilty I felt. Tears were streaming down my face.</p><p>Just when I was frustrated and dazed, Mommy showed up and said in a gentle voice, "Your blouse is good to go again. Look!" She held up the blouse with a smile. After her skillful repair, the pointed collars on both sides became round collars and the blouse looked cuter than before. Through my tears I smiled again.</p><p>We hugged goodbye the next day. I didn't expect it to be a farewell, but I never saw Mommy again. Two years later, her heart suddenly stopped and she died in Hong Kong at the age of forty-eight.</p><p>At that time, I was still a college student who recently got married after only 3 months of dating. (My husband and his family had immigrated from Taiwan a few years back.) I never had the chance to fulfill my childhood dream of buying a big house for Mommy and taking her around the world, and my biggest regret is that she never saw my husband, son, and grandkids.</p><p>However, I will never forget her selfless and gracious love. Her understanding, acceptance and forgiveness had always encouraged and motivated me. Thank God for my Mommy! Years later, I got to know the Lord Jesus and experienced the great love of my Heavenly Father. I began to learn the importance of being responsible for my own thoughts, feelings, words and deeds. I want to love people around me, especially those closest to me, while I still have time.</p><p>“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." (Ephesians 4:26-27)</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-64438399832923297622022-04-15T11:29:00.006-07:002022-04-15T11:30:01.479-07:00Ten Fears that Make Us Withdraw<p><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif";">Fear often stands between us and our ability to make decisions, take actions, ask for what we want—even to know what we really want. It is the gatekeeper of our comfort zone. But as poet-philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “He has not learned the lesson of life who does not every day surmount a fear.” Below are 10 fears that commonly get in our way.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">1. Fear of being judged. </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif";">Many people often need the approval of family members or friends to have the courage to act. Once denied, we are often unable to bravely pursue our dreams and goals.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">2. Fear of rejection.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Rejection just means that someone else has a different opinion.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">3. Fear of emotional pain.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="background-color: white;"> Rather than incapacitate us, painful feelings can sharpen our sense of joy and gratitude.</span><o:p style="background-color: #fcff01;"></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">4. Fear of embarrassment.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="background-color: white;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif";">Sometimes it's terrible when our mistakes are made public, and we feel ashamed. But in fact, it is not so embarrassing and scary to face mistakes bravely and correct them in time.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">5. Fear of being alone and abandoned.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="background-color: white;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif";">Don't worry too much.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif";"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif";">A strong sense of self-worth and what we can offer the world reduces this fear.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">6. Fear of failure.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="background-color: white;"> A biggie for most of us and born of the notion that it’s not OK to fail.</span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif";"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif";">Don't be afraid, believe in the famous saying "Failure is the mother of success".</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">7. Fear of success.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="background-color: white;"> More responsibility, more attention, pressure to perform can be frightening when we don’t believe in ourselves. </span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;">But in fact, our contribution to this world is reflected in this aspect.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">8. Fear of expressing feelings.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="background-color: white;"> An authentic life means being willing to express our true feelings to our loved ones, colleagues, adversaries—even ourselves.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">9. Fear of intimacy. </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="background-color: white;">Emotional intimacy—really being seen by another—can be very scary. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif";">However, there is no need to hide. Sometimes you may be more likable when you are real and be yourself.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">10. Fear of the unknown.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> The unknown can be exciting and expansive if we shift our fear to curiosity.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;">So, don't worry and fear too much, because God tells us that all things work together. Sometimes bad things and feelings are God's way to prepare us to receive what is better. With faith in Christ, we pray and rely on God to transcend everything by experiencing the presence of God. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;">"I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears." (Psalm 34:4)</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Remember Good Friday. Don't forget that Easter is just around the corner!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 8pt;">Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications</span></i></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7346872470239092290.post-47682488385330473122022-03-10T21:22:00.007-08:002022-10-08T08:16:11.759-07:00How to Interrupt Negative Patterns<p>When unfavorable situations, actions and emotional conflicts happen again and again in your life—same scene, different characters—there's a good chance you are in the presence of a negative "pattern."</p><p><span style="background-color: white;">Some examples. Repeatedly choosing the wrong friend or partner, having constant conflicts with coworkers, being chronically in debt, trying to please others, seeming to get along with everyone, but often throwing tantrums at a family member you care most about!</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;">At best, these negative patterns lead to frustration. At worst, they cause undue pain, uphill struggle, bodily harm, and sometimes even death.</span></p><p>The good news is: you have the power to change these negative patterns. Below are some ways to begin to disrupt them so that you can start laying down new, more positive patterns.</p><p><b>Become aware.</b></p><p>No matter how entrenched a pattern seems, the act of noticing begins the shift away from damaging thoughts or behaviors. Put simply, you can't change what you're not aware of.</p><p>One way to increase awareness is to sit and think and observe patterns. The goal here is to pay attention, nothing more.</p><p>In this step, focus your awareness on just the facts and feelings of the patterns. Don't let your mind wander into the analysis of "why" you have them right now, for it will likely try to justify and defend the pattern. You can analyze later (see below); for now, just notice.</p><p>Also, ask people you trust to help you see the patterns. Our blind spots are called "blind" for a reason; we just don't see them. But they'll be clear to others.</p><p><b>Discover the hidden payoff.</b></p><p>Becoming aware of your negative patterns, and you will see evidence they are damaging you and your relationships. For example, your pattern of conflict with co-workers has gotten you fired several times, and now your resume reflects that pattern, too.</p><p>The key to interrupting negative patterns is to understand this: we generally don't keep repeating behaviors unless, on some level, we get something good out of them.</p><p>These hidden reasons are known as "payoffs," and they either help you get more of something you want or avoid something you don't want.</p><p>In the example above, the person in constant conflict with co-workers could be using the conflict to cover up deep insecurity with the quality of his/her work. The conflict, in effect, distracts from scrutiny.</p><p>Or the conflict could stem from uncensored outspokenness. The person may have an oppressive situation at home, and being excessively frank at work may allow him/her to feel powerful and self-expressive in at least one arena of life. </p><p><b>Look for positive patterns.</b></p><p>One of the best ways to disrupt the negative patterns that may be wreaking havoc with your life is to also study the positive patterns in your life. For these can be "grafted" onto your negative patterns with great success.</p><p>For example, you can use the discipline you've been exercising regularly to stop using credit to finance your lifestyle. For another example, if the boss calls during a quarrel, the couple can immediately stop the fight.</p><p>Even if you will, if you are frustrated that things are too difficult to change, remember that you are not alone. There is hope because "what is impossible with man is possible with God" (Luke 18:27)</p><p>"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2)</p><p><span style="color: #cccccc; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: x-small; text-align: -webkit-right;">Author's content used under license, </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: x-small; line-height: 20px; text-align: -webkit-right;">©</span><span style="color: #cccccc; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: x-small; text-align: -webkit-right;"> Claire Communications</span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0