Forgiveness Brings Freedom

In his book, The Weight of Glory, C.S. Lewis wrote this about forgiveness: "To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you."

Connecting with God

When people get hurt, they often react with resentment, anger, rage, and even hatred. While some of these feelings may be appropriate responses, holding on to them will cause more emotional pain and stress. Nurturing old wounds and resentments is like tending weeds in a garden. The more care you give them, the more they take over until there's no room for the feelings that can nourish you.

Forgiveness doesn't mean condoning inappropriate behavior and excusing personal violations. It doesn't mean hiding or denying what was done. To forgive someone of something doesn't necessarily mean turning the other cheek so that you can be hurt again. To forgive doesn't mean you forget that you were harmed. Or that you felt the way you did as a result.

What it does mean is letting go of the feelings of anger or resentment, so that you can get on with your life. Forgiving is a process -- sometimes slow -- that heals wounds and returns our power to us. So long as we hold onto old feelings, we give control of our lives over to those who have hurt us. Forgiveness sets us free.

In spite of this tremendous potential of freedom, could mere mortals really forgive? The Bible (Luke 5:20-21) recorded that Jesus said to a paralytic, "Man, your sins are forgiven you." In their heart, the Pharisees retorted, "Who can forgive sins but God alone?" It is true that forgiveness of sins is beyond human. Thanks be to God, that the spirit of each Christian has been united with the Spirit of Christ (Romans 6:5). Therefore, each is given the resource for true forgiveness.

Renewing Your Mind

Forgiving is an active process. Christians could practice forgiveness through the renewing of their mind (Romans 12:2). To get from here to there is a journey to be traveled. But you don't have to take it alone. Don't be afraid to ask for help along the way. Here are some suggestions:

• Acknowledge all the feelings. Though anger and resentment might be on top, beneath may lie feelings of hurt, betrayal, loss and grief. Uncovering these more tender emotions may be painful, but, like curves in the road, it is part of the journey to be traveled.

• Stop blaming. So long as you hold someone else responsible for your feelings or circumstances, you continue to hand over the control of your life to others. As a Christian, you belong to Christ and the Holy Spirit dwells in you. Therefore, you could rely on the divine resource within you to forgive.

• Release the desire for revenge. The wish to inflict suffering or pain on the person who hurt us keeps us in a place of suffering and pain. We cannot experience the freedom of forgiveness until we are willing to move away from the need to punish. We can refrain from taking justice into our own hands because God is the judge of all.

• Learn to accept. It's virtually impossible to stop judging. However, the fewer negative judgments, the easier it is to accept the established facts. Does complaining about "the weather is awful" or "the sunset is not pretty" really change things? Acceptance is an expression of forgiveness.

• Decide to confront or not. Talking with the person who has harmed you may or may not be the best action to take. You need Godly wisdom and timing. Professional counseling can help you in making this decision.

• Let go. Only through releasing all feelings of anger, resentment, or animosity can forgiveness be unconditional. Unforgiveness is incompatible with our new spirit in Christ. Letting go is possible only because we now trust that God cares for us. Forgiveness would free us from captivity and bondage of the past when we let the Holy Spirit lead our new life.

Practicing Changes

When we say, "I'll never forgive myself," we sentence ourselves to a life of guilt and shame. Forgiveness is not just an outward expression toward others. Turning the open hand of forgiveness inward is one of the greatest gifts that God has given us. When we forgive ourselves we acknowledge our human limitations, release ourselves from our own judgments and practice self-acceptance. These actions are essential for a life of freedom and joy.

You can practice self-forgiveness in the following ways:

•      accepting yourself rather than judging yourself
•      honoring yourself rather than blaming yourself
•      nurturing yourself rather than criticizing yourself
•      releasing the past rather than holding onto it

All the above is possible only through identifying yourself with the new spirit already in you because, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Forgiveness, even self-forgiveness cannot be forced. And it may not come easily. Like many other skills we must learn, self-forgiveness takes practice. If you are unable to immediately release the past and move on, be forgiving of yourself and continue the practice.

Still find it hard to forgive someone or yourself? Remember, your Heavenly Father has forgiven you in His Son. God loves you. You belong to Him as His children. Nothing can separate you from His love. Approach His throne boldly.

"If we confess our sins, He (God) is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)

I'm so grateful that my Dad believed in Christ a few months before he died of lung cancer. A few years later, I became a Christian and learned to love and to forgive.

Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications

A Loving Mother with Needlework

Mother's Day is coming again. This year I miss not only my mother, but also my mother-in-law, my second mother.

On March 10 this year, my mother-in-law went to be with the Lord in her sleep. In her memorial service, James' older sister showed everyone a beautiful sweater knitted by their mom. At the graveside service, James' younger brother recited the poem "You Zi Yin" by poet Meng Jiao of the Tang Dynasty.  I found an English translation on the Internet to share with you:

A Traveler's Lament by MENG Jiao, translated by Betty Tseng

"A loving mother busied herself with needlework
On clothes for a son who was going away;

On the eve of his departure she sewed thread after thread,
Worrying that his return would be delayed and late.

How could the love of grass only inches tall
Ever reciprocate spring after spring of sunshine day after day?"

Skillful Hands of Mommy (My Mother)

Mommy is what I called my beloved mother. At the end of August 1973, the day before I left Hong Kong to study in the United States, Mommy accidentally burned my favorite silk blouse while ironing. However, Mommy quickly tailored the burnt collar from sharp corners to rounded corners, and turned my tears into laughter.  The next day we embraced and said goodbye. It was the last time we saw each other.

Two years later, Mommy suffered a heart attack and died in Hong Kong at the age of 48.  Another Chinese saying described how I felt: "The son wants to provide but the parents are no longer there." For years, I was tormented by the thought that I failed to fulfil my childhood promise to buy her a house and take her traveling. I never had the chance to take care of Mommy as she aged (she didn't). But the most regrettable thing is that she had never seen my husband and son.

"Why did I leave Mommy for the United States?" There was a knot in my heart for many years. I couldn't forgive myself until I became a believer in 1989.

The Story of Mama (My Mother-in-Law)

Mama is what I called James' mother after we got married. Mama  had a happy and easy-going personality. It is hard to imagine that she lost her father at the age of 6 and was raised by her widowed mother and widowed grandmother. (Both lost their husbands in their twenties.)

In 1948, Mama took a boat to Taiwan to marry her fiancé. She did not expect her separation from her mother and grandmother would be permanent. Mama got married, taught school, and raised four children. She walked with her husband through many challenges, including moving to the United States in 1968.

In 2000, James' father passed away after a stroke and Mama experienced tremendous grief. Attending seminary at the time, James visited her weekly on a weekday and read the Bible with her. Mama was a skeptic about resurrection (although she was a Catholic) but eventually she believed in Salvation through Jesus Christ and understood and accepted the sovereignty of God.

In 2003, James took Mama to join a senior fellowship in a Christian church. Mama was invited to start a Chinese painting class in 2004 and taught until she was 92 years old. Mama lived a meaningful and joyous life by participating in Thursday fellowship and Sunday worship, teaching Tuesday Chinese painting class, and enjoying time with her children, grandchildren and friends.

Unless we were out of the Bay Area, James and I visited Mama every Sunday. It was always a special time instead of just a routine. Mama loved to sing hymns and praise songs. After Sunday dinner, Mama and James sang one song after another while I played the piano. We read the Bible, talked about happenings during the week, and prayed together. Every Monday morning, we took her for a walk around Stow Lake in Golden Gate Park, year after year.

She loved looking at photos in her family albums. Many times she would suddenly say, "Winnis, thank you for bringing James to church so that Baba and I can also know the Lord Jesus."

I remember a time when James and I were going to Europe to train disciples of Christ. As usual, Mama walked us downstairs. Before we left, she hugged me tightly and said, "Winnis, thank you for taking care of James all these years." I hugged her back and said, "Mama, thank you! I love you!"

Thank God that James' younger sister and her husband moved Mama to live downstairs with them three years ago. During the COVID-19 Pandemic, James' sister helped Mama to zoom with us every Sunday until two weeks before her passing.

On the afternoon of March 5th, our brother-in-law called James and said that Mama was approaching her end. We rushed to San Francisco immediately. Mama was in bed with her eyes closed, but she still responded to her favorite songs: "Whom I Have But You", "Jehovah is Love", "Sing a Heavenly Song", and "Thanks to God for My Redeemer".

Gifts from Mothers

Thank God that I have two mothers who love me. Mama lived for 98 years and Mommy was only alive for 48 years. I have learned that nobody can control how long we live. But whether our life is long or short, we can still make the best of our lives because living is the grace of God.

I love Mommy because she encouraged me and sacrificed for me. I admire Mama because she pursued the development of a healthy true self throughout her life, and was the pillar of her family. Mama used her words and examples to build a healthy and happy marriage and family.

After Mama believed in the Lord, she even lived out a Christ-centered life in faith.  Other than her own children, grandchildren and friends, she served faithfully in church, leaving many precious gifts to the next generations.

Reflecting on Mama's life, James realized how God had looked after her all her life, even when she left China for Taiwan and then moved to the United States. In Taiwan, Mama believed in God when some nuns visited the school she taught in. Through the hard years of immigrant life, God kept her faithful in attending Mass every week. Although she did not know Christ before understanding the Bible, she held on to God's love and faithfulness.

What can a mother leave for her children? The apostle Paul once wrote to Timothy, "I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also." (2 Timothy 1:5)