It is human nature to pursue happiness! Unexpectedly, my husband James and I had our first conflict after we got married over sharing a tube of toothpaste.
He said: "Why are you squeezing in the middle and ruining the toothpaste?"
I said: "Why do you have to squeeze up from the bottom? It's too slow! It's so stupid!"
My reaction was huge. I felt sad and disappointed inside because in the three months we dated, James had never said anything was wrong with me. How could he blame me so quickly when saying he would love me forever?
James didn't say anything and quickly bought another toothpaste so that we can each have our own way. But I was still hurt.
In marital and parenting relationship, there are always people who say they really don’t like to argue about trivial things all day long. Unfortunately, they don't know that everyone is pursuing that elusive "happiness". Everyone believes himself or herself is right and hopes that the other person will admit their wrongs. They argue, even to the point of biting and devouring each other. No wonder it is said that we ourselves are our worst enemies.
Here are some things that can take away your happiness. Please be alert and stop them because these behaviors affect your daily interactions with others (whether at home, outside, or online). No matter what, don't forget that your words and actions really matter!
1. Impressing others ... with what you have —your possessions, your accomplishments—don’t result in real relationship or lasting happiness.
2. Blaming. Your response to any situation is your choice. Try making it a learning opportunity—taking responsibility is empowering.
3. Controlling. It doesn't help you feel good about yourself. Honor your boundaries, but make space for others' needs and choices, too.
4. Criticizing. We are all unique and different, not better or worse. Appreciate the differences instead of zeroing in on shortcomings.
5. Whining. Complaining is ineffective, whereas asking for what you want is liberating.
6. Clinging to what is known. When you’re feeling afraid or insecure, be willing to let go of the familiar, take a risk and try something new.
7. Being Ungrateful. Stay aware of all the gifts, grace and blessings that you do have. Express gratitude then surely happiness will follow.
8. Lecturing. Another form of judging. Find more fun and empowering ways to share your knowledge.
9. Negative Self-talk. Train yourself to notice your mind's chatter. Working towards changing negative thoughts to positive ones will transform your life.
10. Fear. Don’t let fear get in the way of progress. Whatever you’ve been dreaming, get going on it. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Everyone needs understanding, support and encouragement from family and friends. Beware that what we think affects how we feel. When James didn’t argue, he thought he was being tolerant. But being ignored when I lost my temper only reinforced my belief that he didn't care.
I felt lonely when I only saw things through my own eyes. The shadow of my family of origin also made me feel fearful, anxious, depressed, and angry about my marriage and the future. These emotions might seem normal, but they built a wall between James and me. It wasn't until I believed in Jesus and felt the incomparable love of Christ that I had a turning point. I realized that I had been unconsciously destroying my own happiness over the years, losing much peace, and suffering in vain.
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery... You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other." (Galatians 5:1, 13-15)
Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications
