Honor Your Father and Mother

“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:2-3)

Is Mother the Only Good Person in the World?

I was hurt by my father's infidelity, his betrayal of my mother, and his rejection of me. When I was young, I only thought about honoring my mother when I grew up, and I also tried to make my mother proud of me because she had sacrificed a lot for me. I rarely thought about honoring my father, even though I always worked hard to please my father and grandmother with good grades and good behavior, and seek their approval.

It is undeniable that mothers carry their babies for 9+ months and that mothers and children are closely connected. In addition, mothers usually spend more time taking care of their children than fathers, including holding babies, feeding, and changing diapers. During their growing years, children’s interactions with their parents are often based on the cultural tradition of “strict father and loving mother”, which has been passed down from generation to generation: “If you don’t obey, your father will beat you when he comes back.”

Even if both husband and wife go out to work, more mothers will still sacrifice their spare time to accompany and pamper their children. Focusing on reasoning, fathers are often more likely to make their children angry, causing them to be less willing to speak up, participate in family relationships, or even walk away. Compared with mothers, fathers often appear to be more indifferent, contemptuous, strict, reluctant, repulsive, disgusted, or even absent. Unfortunately, because many fathers have not experienced the love of a loving father since childhood, they have been hurt and even destroyed in sin from generation to generation.

Flowers of the Field

There is a song that has extraordinary meaning to me and our whole family.

There was a time when my husband James and I took our then teenage son on a short-term mission to teach English to elementary school students. We sang this song at the graduation ceremony with other teenagers from the United States. When my father-in-law passed away, James, our son, and I sang this song at the memorial service. When I was learning piano accompaniment, I played the piano when James sang this song solo in a family talent show. Many times, we often sang this song when we shared the gospel in the park or gathered in support groups. Many times, I have seen or heard that gospel friends were moved to tears by this song and drew closer to the Father because of it.

The song is "Flowers of the Field" by Heavenly Melody Choir. The lyrics show how our Heavenly Father cares for us and treats us with love:

Flowers of the field, put on beautiful clothes.
Birds of the air, never worry about their lives.
The loving Father watches over all.
He loves men so much, that He prepares them eternal life.

All of our needs, our heavenly Father already knew.
Sadness of the heart, let Him take away for you.
The loving Father watches over all.
He is the almighty God, blessed are those who believe in Him.

Boys are Future Fathers

"No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is Himself God and is in closest relationship with the Father, has made Him known." (John 1:18)

In his book, "Bringing up BOYS," Dr. James Dobson included a chapter on "the Essential Father" which shares the following research findings:

There is an undeniable linkage between fathers and babies beginning at birth. Infants as young as six weeks old can differentiate between a mother's and a father's voice. By eight weeks, babies can distinguish between their mother's and their father's caregiving methods.

Infants are born with a drive to find and connect to their fathers. As they begin to speak, their word for "father" often precedes their word for "mother." The reasons for this are unknown.

Toddlers are especially obvious in their assertions of their fatherneed: they will seek out their father, ask for him when he's not present, be fascinated when he talks to them on the phone, and investigate every part of his body if allowed.

Teenagers express fatherneed in yet more complex ways, competing with their father and confronting his values, beliefs, and, of course, limits. For so many sons and daughters, it is only at the death of the father that they discover the intensity and longevity of their fatherneed, especially when it has gone begging.

Dr. Dobson went on to show many statistics and trends about effects of fathers on the lives of sons. Here is the story of a fifty-eight-year-old man he met:

The man's father was a pastor who was busy with ministry and personal interests for many years and never took the time to participate in the important moments of his son's growth. He never appeared at his son's sports games, and never accompanied or encouraged him in extracurricular activities. He neither disciplined nor affirmed him.

By the time the boy was a senior in high school, he was the starting guard on a winning big-school football team. When his team advanced to the state championship game, he was looking forward to his father coming to watch the game, and pleaded with hope, "Can you come on Friday night? This is really important to me." His father agreed. However, on the night of the game, while the boy was warming up on the field, he saw his father and two men in suits walking into the stadium from a distance. They stood and chatted for a few minutes, then turned around and left without staying to watch the game.

Dr. Dobson recalled that when the man told this story, he still burst into tears. Although forty years have passed since that night, the loss and heartbreak of being rejected as a teenager still seem to be unforgettable. A year later, his father died at the age of 83. Standing in front of the coffin, he choked up and said, "Dad, we could have shared so much love together, but I never really knew you."

Dear friend, do you know the earthly father who gave birth to you and raised you? Do you really know the heavenly Father who created you, is always there, and loves you to the end? He is still waiting for you to respond to His love. Please listen to His voice:  "Because you are His sons, God sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, 'Abba, Father.' ” (Galatians 4:6)

Having Sons and Daughters

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.' ” (Genesis 1:27-28)

Passing on the Family Line and Establishing a Connection  

The eternal God is the source of life. He created Adam and Eve so that humans can reproduce from generation to generation, connect with God, live out God's love, and manifest God's glory.

"This is the written account of Adam’s family line. When God created mankind, he made them in the likeness of God. He created them male and female and blessed them. And he named them 'Mankind' when they were created. When Adam had lived 130 years, he had a son in his own likeness, in his own image; and he named him Seth. After Seth was born, Adam lived 800 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Adam lived a total of 930 years, and then he died." (Genesis 5:1-5)

The description of "Had other sons and daughters" appears more than a dozen times in Genesis Chapter 5 (before the flood) and Chapter 11 (after the flood). The usual pattern of description is: "After X (father's name) became the father of Y (son's name), X (father's name) lived so many years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, X (father's name) lived a total of so many years, and then he died."

The only exception to that description is: "After he became the father of Methuselah, Enoch walked faithfully with God 300 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Enoch lived a total of 365 years. Enoch walked faithfully with God; then he was no more, because God took him away." (Genesis 5:22-24)

Did you see how Enoch was different from the others?

Human Sinfulness Makes Good Things Difficult

God placed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, where they could have walked and talked with God. But after they ate the fruit of the tree that God had commanded them not to eat, sin entered the world and mankind. But Enoch was an exception in his walk with God.

Having sons and daughters become complicated when sinful people live in a fallen world. Adam and Eve originally gave birth to Cain and then Abel, but Cain killed his brother Abel, and Adam and Eve later gave birth to Seth.

Although the above verses only record the names of fathers, giving birth to a child is impossible without a mother. The Book of Genesis records the stories of Sarai, Rebekah, Leah, and Rachel. Their grudges and love fragments include:

"Now Sarai was childless because she was not able to conceive." (Genesis 11:30)

"Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was childless. The Lord answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant." (Genesis 25:21)

"When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless." (Genesis 29:31)

In order to win Jacob's favor by having children, Rachel and Leah each gave their maids to Jacob as concubines. Jacob's two wives and two concubines gave birth to twelve sons and one daughter. Joseph, born to Rachel, was the eleventh son. When his ten half-brothers saw how much their father loved Joseph, they hated him and alienated him, causing the breakdown of their brotherly relationship.

Habits that Alienate People

In his book "Unhappy Teenagers: A way for Parents and Teachers to Reach Them", author William Glasser, M.D. wrote about seven disconnecting habits. We get into such habits as criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing, and rewarding to control others. 

However, such external control never really works unless the other person is also motivated by survival, love and belonging, power, freedom and fun. Our children may be afraid of harsh punishments when they are small. But as they grow taller and stronger, any additional control can only lead to power struggles. Which prompt children to say things like "You can't make me!", further undermining the intimacy we so deeply desire.

Dr. Glasser suggested replacing these deadly habits with seven connecting habits. Think back to your own growing years, would you rather have caring, trusting, listening, supporting, consulting, befriending, and encouraging words and actions from your parents?

Let Go and Let God Take Charge

We cannot completely isolate our children from the corrupt world, but we can influence them through love, teaching, discipline, guidance, encouragement, support and good examples. Although some people have never had children, they help people grow, and bring people to God. Because the real help comes from God.

Having children is the continuation of God's great love. Therefore, whether you have children or not, when to have children, how many children to have, or whether they are boys or girls, everything is God's sovereignty and God's good will. Therefore, parents should be grateful for every child, because "Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him." (Psalm 127:3)

May all parents walk faithfully with God and be connected to their children in Christ because "His mercy extends to those who fear Him, from generation to generation." (Luke 1:50)

Without Knowing Death, How Can We Know Life?

Even though my husband James did not approve of my newfound faith, he was still happy to see his wife find peace. Therefore, on the day of my baptism, he was willing to come to church to help me take pictures.

My Baptism, My Husband's Coolness

After the baptism, an elder of the church came over to shake hands with James. With a big smile, he said, "Congratulations. You will be next." To that, James responded with, "Over my dead body" in his calm, cool and collected way.

Normally, I would be embarrassed by his reply, but that day I didn’t react much because I knew he meant what he said. He believed that "man could conquer nature" and thought that as long as he was alive, he could face life with his own efforts. When he said baptism would only happen "over my dead body", he was really willing to do whatever it took to prevent it from happening.

In his eyes, it was incredible that I went from not believing in Jesus to being baptized in just three months. To him, I was just impulsive and stubborn, and I habitually turned from a workaholic to a churchaholic, even though he also saw some positive changes in me.

Not Believing, Looking for the Weakness Link

As an engineer, James set out to find the weakest link in Christianity. In order to protect me from entering a cult, James took "undercover" and accompanied me to church every week to observe. He found that everyone was carrying a Bible and said it was "the Word of God." He disagreed and mocked it as a "myth".

He began to read the Bible on his own during his sabbatical and finally discovered the biggest loophole: "And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith." (1 Corinthians 15:14)

Why is Christ's resurrection the weakest link? The reason is: If the witnesses are credible, then we can believe what the witnesses say, but how do we know whether the witnesses are credible? There are three possibilities for witnesses of Christ's resurrection. First, they are all lying, second, they are all confused and deceived, and third, they are all telling the truth.

So he began to look for which one was most likely. After all, they couldn't be lying, because people might lie to save their lives, but they wouldn't lie to endanger their lives, so this possibility is extremely small.

The possibility of being deceived is also extremely small, because it is not just one person who claims to have seen the resurrected Christ. The Apostle Paul described it this way: "For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, and then to the Twelve. After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers and sisters at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep." (1 Corinthians 15:3-6)

What remains then is that they are most likely telling the truth. That is why their testimony can be considered credible.

Discover the Truth and Facts, Confess Sins and Return to the Lord

Although James believed that Jesus' resurrection from the dead was credible, he was unwilling to acknowledge Jesus as his Lord. After all, he still wanted to be his own boss and master. Moreover, he felt that he was a good person and did not need Jesus. A few months later, one day he suddenly thought of a verse: "For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse." (Romans 1:20)

In this way, under the inspiration of the Bible and the Holy Spirit, James finally admitted that he was also a sinner. The irrefutable evidence is that he clearly knew there was a Lord, but he was unwilling to acknowledge that Jesus was the Lord. Therefore, he finally confessed his sins and prayed, and accepted Christ Jesus as his Savior and Lord of life. If you don’t know death, how can you know life? Only when you are put in the position of death can you be reborn. The shameless words "over my dead body" really came true.

"We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his." (Romans 6:4-5)

10 Things We Can Control

That day, I went to the hospital for an injection. As usual, the disability parking space near the entrance was full. Hence, my husband James first unloaded my walker and then walked me in before he went to park the car. People came in and out, and I stood silently in the corner waiting. I worried that James couldn't find a parking space and prayed that he would come back soon.

In the corridor leading to the Check-In station, there was a row of wheelchairs parked aside waiting for patients. As soon as James came in, he went to get a wheelchair. I was confused by the lack of movement in the wheelchair queue. It turned out that a woman with a below-the-knee amputation was being helped onto her wheelchair. I was shocked and felt bad for her.

James pushed my wheelchair to the Check-In station. We were behind our arrival time. After turning a few corners, we got on the elevator, and hurried to the laboratory to draw blood. Afterwards we took the elevator again and walked for a while before finally arriving at the orthopedic clinic. I waited in the waiting room for the nurse to receive the blood test report to ensure that I could receive the injection that day! I was very tired by then. Sitting in a wheelchair with a heavy back brace was very uncomfortable, but I didn't want to move anymore and just wanted to close my eyes and rest.

After a while, I told James, “I’m going to get out of my wheelchair. I need to stretch.” Just then, I heard a woman whisper, “It must be nice.” I turned my head and looked, a woman nearby was sitting in her own electric wheelchair. It looked like she couldn’t move the lower half of her body at all. I was shocked and felt sorry for her.

While we can’t control the weather, illness, death, or what other people think, we would do well to pay attention to the areas in our life that we can actually do something about.

1. Our actions. We alone are responsible for what we do.

2. Our words. Spoken or written, the words we choose impact our lives and the lives of others.

3. Our beliefs. If we believe that others should take care of our needs, then we will be frustrated when they don’t. We can change our beliefs.

4. Our values. What’s important to us is our our personal decision. No one else can tell us what to value.

5. Our work. Although many of us may complain of being stuck in a job or career, we still get to choose how we will contribute in our work.

6. Our friends. Those we associate with say a lot about what we think about ourselves. We can choose to have friends who support us or who bring us down.

7. Our input. We can select our sources of news, turn off social media, televisions and/or ignore advertising.

8. Our time. Though it sometimes feels like we have no choice, we do choose every day how we will use the 24 hours a day gives us.

9. Our basic health. While we cannot control our genetic make-up or diseases, we can choose to exercise, get enough sleep, eat healthy food, and get routine check-ups, etc.

10. Our legacy. Everything we choose while we are alive, including our actions, words, etc., will become the gift we leave behind when we die.

Sometimes it really does seem like we don’t have much choices, but in fact we do have some. That day, the Lord Jesus showed me that I could spend my time and energy feeling sorry for myself, or I could focus more on others, pray for them, and thank God for His life-giving grace.

We cannot achieve self-control alone. Only by submitting to the Holy Spirit can we control ourselves. Don’t be discouraged if you can’t control yourself, just remember to live in Christ:

"For in Him we live and move and have our being." (Acts 17:28)

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." (Galatians 5:22-23)

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

Love is Patient

That night my husband James was trying to teach me how to prepare a certain document on the computer. He was very patient and explained it slowly to make sure I understood. However, once I thought I knew it, I would act immediately and jump self-assuredly to the next step. Unexpectedly, there were some very important details that I didn't know so he tried to correct me. When I interrupted him he would slow down and explain again, but I wished he had told me earlier. I refused to admit that I didn't have the patience to listen carefully and understand. On the contrary, I got angry at him.

Because of my illness, I am not as alert and fast as before, but my habit of being impatient remains. Because I saw that James was working so hard, I wanted to do something to help him, but I ended up making things worse. I was embarrassed and sad to see him walk away quietly to wash dishes. I quickly apologized, added "I'm too tired", and went to bed.

This is a common pattern of interaction in many families. In fact, it is normal for one person to be faster or slower than the other. It is not necessarily as extreme as "a hasty man meets a slow man", but we always use our own pace as the standard.

The next morning, I thought about how I was impatient. Not only did I not help him, but I also ruined our relationship. I felt that I was very unloving and that I was taking the name of Jesus Christ in vain. What am I supposed to do now?

Before I could say anything, James said, “I just focused on solving the problem. You know I like to fix bugs.” He paused and smiled, “But there is a bug that I could not fix.”

I responded, “Maybe you can kill the bug single-handedly.” Suddenly, I couldn’t help laughing and said, “Remember the saying that this is not a bug, it is a feature?”

We both laughed and made peace with each other.

Home is a nest of love, where husband, wife and children live together, "Better a small serving of vegetables with love than a fattened calf with hatred." (Proverbs 15:17)

Love means cherishing one another, and the same is true for brothers and sisters in the church. Jesus said: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:34-35)

Some couples do not feel loved in their marriage even though their spouse keeps saying: "Am I not cooking, cleaning, and driving around all day for you and our children?" or "I work so hard to make money to support our family, and you still say I don't love you?" The truth of the matter is that people wants their needs to be understood, and they want to receive the kind of love they desire. Therefore, please pay special attention to complaints in the home. Does a exhausted mother need acts of service from her family? Does a problem solving father wish to be respected and affirmed?

To nurture a relationship, you need to constantly make deposits to your "love bank" because every negative interaction can offset 5-7 positive interactions. Therefore, do more positive, effective and constructive things. Pay special attention to your words and body language such as facial expressions, tone of voice, gestures and movements. Arrange regular time for the two of you to cultivate your relationship. On this upcoming Valentine's Day, let go of negative interactions and thoughts, and start listing the other person's strengths. Express your love by encouraging and affirming their efforts, listening to their feelings, hugging and kissing, saying "I love you" and buying (or making) a heart-to-heart gift.

Christian author Gary Thomas once said to a young friend, "If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there's no question--stay single. Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can't imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you'd never have to face otherwise."

I meditate on the long-suffering patient love of God our Father. Although I haven’t done well, He is still teaching me how to slow down to become a patient and loving person, and stop being self-centered.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)

Living a Joyful Life

That day, I lay on the left side of my bed.  Although I could still move my arms and legs slightly, my torso was like a bag of flour, unable to move. Trapped in that position, staring at the ceiling, My heart was filled with sadness and anxiety. Would I ever recover?

Suddenly, my husband walked into the room and said, "Granddaughters are here with something for you."

Oh, they're here to visit the sick. I slowly raised the head of the bed that pushed my torso so that I could sit up diagonally.

Our three granddaughters came in. The middle girl excitedly handed me a piece of paper with three autumn leaves glued on it. "NaiNai, for You."

"Oh! Thank you, it's so beautiful."

The youngest girl looked a little scared in this temporary ward. I asked her, "Do you want NaiNai to read you a book? But I can only read one."

She nodded. Big sister immediately sent her two younger sisters to get the book while she continued to stand next to me and look  at me with concerned eyes. When the little sisters came back, Big sister picked up the youngest and put her on my bed. The middle sister wisely ran to stand on the other side of me.

I cleared my throat and started reading slowly, a little out of breath at first. Unexpectedly, I soon started telling stories almost as vividly as before, speaking in the voices of Papa, Mama, Brother, and Sister Bear, as if I had forgotten my illness. Three autumn leaves and three little angels made me see the invisible God.

"(A prayer of Moses the man of God.) Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the whole world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God. You turn people back to dust, saying, 'Return to dust, you mortals.'” (Psalm 90:1-3).

In the blink of an eye, more than a year has passed. My health has its ups and downs but instead of giving up, I focus on the next holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, etc. and everyone's upcoming birthdays. In fact, I am very grateful to live one more day because:

"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

Reciting Psalm 90 and meditating on the verses day and night gave me a better and deeper understanding of God, man, and the relationship between them. Every verse is a wise saying, but two verses jumped out to tell me: What is the most important thing in life every day? What can we pray for?

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble." (Psalm 90:14-15)

The apostle Paul’s secret to living out Christ is: "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12)

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" (Philippians 4:4)

My friend, are you willing to live a joyful life? Please listen to what the Lord Jesus taught His disciples:

"Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." (John 16:24)