Love is Patient

That night my husband James was trying to teach me how to prepare a certain document on the computer. He was very patient and explained it slowly to make sure I understood. However, once I thought I knew it, I would act immediately and jump self-assuredly to the next step. Unexpectedly, there were some very important details that I didn't know so he tried to correct me. When I interrupted him he would slow down and explain again, but I wished he had told me earlier. I refused to admit that I didn't have the patience to listen carefully and understand. On the contrary, I got angry at him.

Because of my illness, I am not as alert and fast as before, but my habit of being impatient remains. Because I saw that James was working so hard, I wanted to do something to help him, but I ended up making things worse. I was embarrassed and sad to see him walk away quietly to wash dishes. I quickly apologized, added "I'm too tired", and went to bed.

This is a common pattern of interaction in many families. In fact, it is normal for one person to be faster or slower than the other. It is not necessarily as extreme as "a hasty man meets a slow man", but we always use our own pace as the standard.

The next morning, I thought about how I was impatient. Not only did I not help him, but I also ruined our relationship. I felt that I was very unloving and that I was taking the name of Jesus Christ in vain. What am I supposed to do now?

Before I could say anything, James said, “I just focused on solving the problem. You know I like to fix bugs.” He paused and smiled, “But there is a bug that I could not fix.”

I responded, “Maybe you can kill the bug single-handedly.” Suddenly, I couldn’t help laughing and said, “Remember the saying that this is not a bug, it is a feature?”

We both laughed and made peace with each other.

Home is a nest of love, where husband, wife and children live together, "Better a small serving of vegetables with love than a fattened calf with hatred." (Proverbs 15:17)

Love means cherishing one another, and the same is true for brothers and sisters in the church. Jesus said: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:34-35)

Some couples do not feel loved in their marriage even though their spouse keeps saying: "Am I not cooking, cleaning, and driving around all day for you and our children?" or "I work so hard to make money to support our family, and you still say I don't love you?" The truth of the matter is that people wants their needs to be understood, and they want to receive the kind of love they desire. Therefore, please pay special attention to complaints in the home. Does a exhausted mother need acts of service from her family? Does a problem solving father wish to be respected and affirmed?

To nurture a relationship, you need to constantly make deposits to your "love bank" because every negative interaction can offset 5-7 positive interactions. Therefore, do more positive, effective and constructive things. Pay special attention to your words and body language such as facial expressions, tone of voice, gestures and movements. Arrange regular time for the two of you to cultivate your relationship. On this upcoming Valentine's Day, let go of negative interactions and thoughts, and start listing the other person's strengths. Express your love by encouraging and affirming their efforts, listening to their feelings, hugging and kissing, saying "I love you" and buying (or making) a heart-to-heart gift.

Christian author Gary Thomas once said to a young friend, "If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there's no question--stay single. Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can't imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you'd never have to face otherwise."

I meditate on the long-suffering patient love of God our Father. Although I haven’t done well, He is still teaching me how to slow down to become a patient and loving person, and stop being self-centered.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)