10 Things We Can Control

That day, I went to the hospital for an injection. As usual, the disability parking space near the entrance was full. Hence, my husband James first unloaded my walker and then walked me in before he went to park the car. People came in and out, and I stood silently in the corner waiting. I worried that James couldn't find a parking space and prayed that he would come back soon.

In the corridor leading to the Check-In station, there was a row of wheelchairs parked aside waiting for patients. As soon as James came in, he went to get a wheelchair. I was confused by the lack of movement in the wheelchair queue. It turned out that a woman with a below-the-knee amputation was being helped onto her wheelchair. I was shocked and felt bad for her.

James pushed my wheelchair to the Check-In station. We were behind our arrival time. After turning a few corners, we got on the elevator, and hurried to the laboratory to draw blood. Afterwards we took the elevator again and walked for a while before finally arriving at the orthopedic clinic. I waited in the waiting room for the nurse to receive the blood test report to ensure that I could receive the injection that day! I was very tired by then. Sitting in a wheelchair with a heavy back brace was very uncomfortable, but I didn't want to move anymore and just wanted to close my eyes and rest.

After a while, I told James, “I’m going to get out of my wheelchair. I need to stretch.” Just then, I heard a woman whisper, “It must be nice.” I turned my head and looked, a woman nearby was sitting in her own electric wheelchair. It looked like she couldn’t move the lower half of her body at all. I was shocked and felt sorry for her.

While we can’t control the weather, illness, death, or what other people think, we would do well to pay attention to the areas in our life that we can actually do something about.

1. Our actions. We alone are responsible for what we do.

2. Our words. Spoken or written, the words we choose impact our lives and the lives of others.

3. Our beliefs. If we believe that others should take care of our needs, then we will be frustrated when they don’t. We can change our beliefs.

4. Our values. What’s important to us is our our personal decision. No one else can tell us what to value.

5. Our work. Although many of us may complain of being stuck in a job or career, we still get to choose how we will contribute in our work.

6. Our friends. Those we associate with say a lot about what we think about ourselves. We can choose to have friends who support us or who bring us down.

7. Our input. We can select our sources of news, turn off social media, televisions and/or ignore advertising.

8. Our time. Though it sometimes feels like we have no choice, we do choose every day how we will use the 24 hours a day gives us.

9. Our basic health. While we cannot control our genetic make-up or diseases, we can choose to exercise, get enough sleep, eat healthy food, and get routine check-ups, etc.

10. Our legacy. Everything we choose while we are alive, including our actions, words, etc., will become the gift we leave behind when we die.

Sometimes it really does seem like we don’t have much choices, but in fact we do have some. That day, the Lord Jesus showed me that I could spend my time and energy feeling sorry for myself, or I could focus more on others, pray for them, and thank God for His life-giving grace.

We cannot achieve self-control alone. Only by submitting to the Holy Spirit can we control ourselves. Don’t be discouraged if you can’t control yourself, just remember to live in Christ:

"For in Him we live and move and have our being." (Acts 17:28)

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." (Galatians 5:22-23)

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

Love is Patient

That night my husband James was trying to teach me how to prepare a certain document on the computer. He was very patient and explained it slowly to make sure I understood. However, once I thought I knew it, I would act immediately and jump self-assuredly to the next step. Unexpectedly, there were some very important details that I didn't know so he tried to correct me. When I interrupted him he would slow down and explain again, but I wished he had told me earlier. I refused to admit that I didn't have the patience to listen carefully and understand. On the contrary, I got angry at him.

Because of my illness, I am not as alert and fast as before, but my habit of being impatient remains. Because I saw that James was working so hard, I wanted to do something to help him, but I ended up making things worse. I was embarrassed and sad to see him walk away quietly to wash dishes. I quickly apologized, added "I'm too tired", and went to bed.

This is a common pattern of interaction in many families. In fact, it is normal for one person to be faster or slower than the other. It is not necessarily as extreme as "a hasty man meets a slow man", but we always use our own pace as the standard.

The next morning, I thought about how I was impatient. Not only did I not help him, but I also ruined our relationship. I felt that I was very unloving and that I was taking the name of Jesus Christ in vain. What am I supposed to do now?

Before I could say anything, James said, “I just focused on solving the problem. You know I like to fix bugs.” He paused and smiled, “But there is a bug that I could not fix.”

I responded, “Maybe you can kill the bug single-handedly.” Suddenly, I couldn’t help laughing and said, “Remember the saying that this is not a bug, it is a feature?”

We both laughed and made peace with each other.

Home is a nest of love, where husband, wife and children live together, "Better a small serving of vegetables with love than a fattened calf with hatred." (Proverbs 15:17)

Love means cherishing one another, and the same is true for brothers and sisters in the church. Jesus said: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:34-35)

Some couples do not feel loved in their marriage even though their spouse keeps saying: "Am I not cooking, cleaning, and driving around all day for you and our children?" or "I work so hard to make money to support our family, and you still say I don't love you?" The truth of the matter is that people wants their needs to be understood, and they want to receive the kind of love they desire. Therefore, please pay special attention to complaints in the home. Does a exhausted mother need acts of service from her family? Does a problem solving father wish to be respected and affirmed?

To nurture a relationship, you need to constantly make deposits to your "love bank" because every negative interaction can offset 5-7 positive interactions. Therefore, do more positive, effective and constructive things. Pay special attention to your words and body language such as facial expressions, tone of voice, gestures and movements. Arrange regular time for the two of you to cultivate your relationship. On this upcoming Valentine's Day, let go of negative interactions and thoughts, and start listing the other person's strengths. Express your love by encouraging and affirming their efforts, listening to their feelings, hugging and kissing, saying "I love you" and buying (or making) a heart-to-heart gift.

Christian author Gary Thomas once said to a young friend, "If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there's no question--stay single. Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can't imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you'd never have to face otherwise."

I meditate on the long-suffering patient love of God our Father. Although I haven’t done well, He is still teaching me how to slow down to become a patient and loving person, and stop being self-centered.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)

Living a Joyful Life

That day, I lay on the left side of my bed.  Although I could still move my arms and legs slightly, my torso was like a bag of flour, unable to move. Trapped in that position, staring at the ceiling, My heart was filled with sadness and anxiety. Would I ever recover?

Suddenly, my husband walked into the room and said, "Granddaughters are here with something for you."

Oh, they're here to visit the sick. I slowly raised the head of the bed that pushed my torso so that I could sit up diagonally.

Our three granddaughters came in. The middle girl excitedly handed me a piece of paper with three autumn leaves glued on it. "NaiNai, for You."

"Oh! Thank you, it's so beautiful."

The youngest girl looked a little scared in this temporary ward. I asked her, "Do you want NaiNai to read you a book? But I can only read one."

She nodded. Big sister immediately sent her two younger sisters to get the book while she continued to stand next to me and look  at me with concerned eyes. When the little sisters came back, Big sister picked up the youngest and put her on my bed. The middle sister wisely ran to stand on the other side of me.

I cleared my throat and started reading slowly, a little out of breath at first. Unexpectedly, I soon started telling stories almost as vividly as before, speaking in the voices of Papa, Mama, Brother, and Sister Bear, as if I had forgotten my illness. Three autumn leaves and three little angels made me see the invisible God.

"(A prayer of Moses the man of God.) Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the whole world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God. You turn people back to dust, saying, 'Return to dust, you mortals.'” (Psalm 90:1-3).

In the blink of an eye, more than a year has passed. My health has its ups and downs but instead of giving up, I focus on the next holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, etc. and everyone's upcoming birthdays. In fact, I am very grateful to live one more day because:

"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

Reciting Psalm 90 and meditating on the verses day and night gave me a better and deeper understanding of God, man, and the relationship between them. Every verse is a wise saying, but two verses jumped out to tell me: What is the most important thing in life every day? What can we pray for?

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble." (Psalm 90:14-15)

The apostle Paul’s secret to living out Christ is: "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12)

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" (Philippians 4:4)

My friend, are you willing to live a joyful life? Please listen to what the Lord Jesus taught His disciples:

"Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." (John 16:24)

And the Peace Which Transcends All Understanding

During November, I wanted to finish my December’s article early, but it didn't happen. With visits from the physical and occupational therapists, and time with my family, I was feeling very tired and needed a lot of rest. I actually didn't have enough energy or time to write because I could only move in slow motion. But to me, writing is a kind of therapy because it makes me grateful and joyful.

Christmas was coming. I wanted to celebrate the birth of my Savior and my Lord with my pen. I texted my editor and asked her to wait for me. Graciously she said yes.

Unexpectedly, not only was my body at its limit, but my laptop suddenly had flickering issues, and even our network suddenly stopped working. My son tried his best to diagnose and fix it, but now the computer was very slow. Maybe it's also because of aging?

I prayed and meditated on "Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain." (Psalm 127:1)

As the deadline approached, I kept praying to Jesus. He had already given me peace whether or not I could make it. Today is my last try. As I write, I pray and entrust ...

Most people hope to live in peace, hope for world peace, national peace and prosperity, and family harmony, but things often go against our wishes, because things are often unsatisfactory in life. Many times, our mood cannot be calmed, and we often struggle in various ways or feel angry, disappointed, sad, anxious, fearful... there is just no peace.

Husbands and wives often conflict over how to raise their children, each holding their own opinions and refusing to give in to each other, thus losing harmony. They all think that the other person is wrong and not considerate, and feel sorry for themselves. The first time I sang "O What peace we often forfeit? O what needless pain we bear? All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer," I knew there was hope. That night I confessed my sins, repented, and reconciled with God. My heart was filled with peace that surpasses all understanding.

Dear friend, do you want to have peace? Please listen to the record in Luke Chapter 2:8-14:

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

Jesus, the Son of God, is the Word became flesh. He came to earth as a human being. A baby was wrapped in cloths lying in a manger. When he grew up, he was crucified and rose from the dead on the third day in order to save His people from their sins. Before He died, He said to His disciples:

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27)

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

My friend, what has taken away your peace?

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

Give Thanks in All Circumstances

That night, as family worship was about to begin, my son found the sheet music of "My Dearest Friend" from my piano bench. As soon as he played the guitar, I couldn't help but start singing, even though my throat was tight and it was hard to breathe. After singing that song, I suggested singing some familiar English songs because I like the whole family to participate.

A week later, my son came ready with slides and started our worship again with "My Dearest Friend". Each slide had one stanza, which included four lines of lyrics in Chinese characters, and corresponding lyrics in pinyin, in English, and Do Re Mi tunes. This way, everyone was able to sing, hum, or whistle. I was very grateful hearing the children singing my heartfelt words according to the pinyin:

Lord, you are the friend who knows me the most
Lord, you are my precious and closest friend
My heart is thinking of you every day
Hoping to meet face to face

In my living and every step I take
In this life, every stop along the way
Your hand is always- guiding- me
Keeping me right by your side

Tell me the way I should go
so I won't slip and fall towards death
Your- love is- long, wide, deep and high
My heart is amazed

With the Lord what do I need?
My heart is his / my heart is aligned
I have vowed to- follow the- Lord-
and [to] ne-ver- change

I seemed to be in pretty good health in previous years. Unexpectedly, I suffered severe back pain in May last year, which caught me off guard. Later, it was discovered that there were several spinal compression fractures, but they were not suitable for surgery. Suddenly I couldn't take care of myself, and it was hard to explain the pain and figure out what was going on inside me.

At that time, all I could do was to pray without ceasing. I thought about how the Lord Jesus had saved me, led me, and accompanied me in the past. He spoke to me with different scriptures every day. For example:

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." (Psalm 121:1-2)

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." (Psalm 139:13-14)

"Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice." (Psalm 51:8)

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." (Proverbs 17:22)

I started wearing a special back spinal brace at the end of August last year and started monthly injections to treat osteoporosis in December, plus a nutrition plan and physical therapy to repair and build new bones and strengthen muscles. In May of this year, I thought I was much better when I no longer needed to wear the brace all day long. Unexpectedly, things went downhill again in June, and everything had to start over. To this day, I still need to wear a back brace all day and can only do very simple rehabilitation exercises, but thank God I am still alive.

Counting blessings and giving thanks can free our minds from worries. Try one or two of the following questions to cultivate a grateful heart.

1. What is the biggest gift (tangible or intangible) you have received this year?
2. What two things have changed your life this year?
3. What three things have helped your faith grow this year?
4. What are four blessings in your family that you would like to thank God for?
5. What are the five happy experiences you have had?
6. Even though we take them for granted, what six things in God’s creation are necessary for our existence?
7. Which seven people in your home or outside are you most grateful for?

In good times, we may take things for granted. During hard times, we complain about our misfortune. But how often do you and I encourage each other, help each other, and count God’s grace with thanksgiving?

Dear Lord Jesus, my most intimate friend, thank you for being with me and allowing me to deeply appreciate the love and faithfulness of God our Father. Please help me spend every day with joy and give thanks in everything:

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Life's Choices Aren't All Easy

Life is always about making choices.

Imagine you're standing at the counter of your favorite ice cream shop and asking the server "What do you think I want?"

Of course you wouldn't do that. With a variety of ice cream flavors tempting you, making a choice may be difficult, but you'll do it. "Please give me Cherry Jubilee and Chocolate Night, put the chocolate on the bottom and get a scoop with lots of cherries in it for the top."

It’s true that most choices in life are not as simple as choosing between chocolate and vanilla, but what you choose, how you make the choice, or don't make them, is as important to your self-esteem as taking responsibility for yourself. 

There are two types of choices: Active — when you make something happen and live with the consequences; and Passive — when you "choose not to choose," and continue with the status quo. Passive choice may be because you believe that making any choice may lead to change and come with high risks.

Active choices can be painful; feelings of fear and vulnerability often accompany these decisions. Just because we know what's best for us doesn't make it any easier. This kind of choice-making is risky, too. The most difficult choices don't have any absolute right or wrong; there is no perfect solution. It takes great courage to face these hard decisions. 

On the other hand, the postponement of choice can have serious backlashes in the way of stress, depression, discouragement, apathy, even physical illness. Procrastination seldom has any favorable results.

Though in the end the choice is yours, getting to the place to be able to make a decision doesn't have to be a solo trip. Ask for help. Talking things out with another person can be helpful, especially someone who is on your side but has nothing at stake in your decision. Don’t forget that God is always waiting for you to ask Him for help.

Even just expressing your concerns may help you sort things out, and writing down the pros and cons will give you more clarity than keeping everything in your head. Getting some distance (emotional or physical) may make assessment easier, especially if that distance allows you to see the reality of the situation and not just your wishful thinking.

Even with thoughtful consideration, not every choice will be the right one. But wrong decisions don't make you wrong. And, trite as it may sound, one of the ways we learn is through the mistakes we make.

Not each of the choices you make will have profound effect on the whole of your life. But the ongoing and continuous act of making choices will.

Seeking God's will, making choices you believe in, making conscious, thoughtful choices, and taking responsibility for your choices are all signs of becoming a person of faith and commitment, like the biblical character Joshua.

"But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 24:15)

Still worried about choosing? Please consider what Jesus Christ told his disciples and let our Lord guide you:

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you." (John 15:16)

Author’s content used  under license, © Claire Communications

Do Not Worry About Tomorrow

At its essence, worry is a useful reaction, helping us anticipate and avoid danger by taking constructive action. But too often, worry becomes an endless loop that makes it hard to focus and perform, and stresses our physical systems. Take the self-test below to see how well you handle worry.

1. I seem confident and carefree to everyone who knows me. Actually, that was when I kept my worries to myself because I didn’t want to burden anyone with sharing my concerns.

2. I write about my fears and worries. This seems to take some of the power out of them. After writing, creative solutions seem to just show up.

3. I lie in bed for two or three hours at night worrying, just hoping to fall back asleep. I feel tired all the time.

4. Getting involved with my family, friends, church, neighborhood, organizations, etc., gives me the sense of being part of something bigger than myself. When I turn my attention from inside to outside, my worries seem to disappear.

5. When I find myself worrying, I get up and move around. Action seems to relieve my anxiety and give me a better perspective.

6. What really works for me when I’m feeling nervous and afraid is to take a long walk, run or bike ride, or go work out. It seems like the more I move, the less I worry.

7. When my worries are on an endless cycle, I know it’s time to make a gratitude list. Focusing on the things I’m grateful for is like completely letting go of my worries.

8. My worries seem to come out of nowhere and out of control. When I'm stuck, I feel like I can't come up with any solutions.

9. I worry mostly about things that, in fact, have a very low probability of actually happening, such as going bankrupt, dying in a plane crash, getting fired, etc.

10. Instead of letting nighttime thoughts keep me from falling asleep, I focus on physical sensations, such as the feel of my sheets and the warmth of my body.

11. I try to catch my worrying as close to its beginning as possible. Then I take some time to relax, breathe deeply and get centered again.

12. When I'm lost in my worrying thoughts, I experience physical sensations that I rarely notice, such as a racing heart, sweating, and shaking.

13. The more repetitive my worrying becomes, the more persuasive it seems.

14. I worry about other people because I don’t really trust that they can take care of themselves.

15. When I worry about something, I take action. Then I let go, trusting that I have done all I could.

Shifting your worry to wonder opens up possibilities for curiosity and action rather than dread and immobility. It is not uncommon to think about "What will happen? How will it all turn out? How can I act to make the outcome the best it can be?" But don’t stress yourself out unnecessarily by worrying about what may or may not happen. The Lord Jesus knows your and my needs, and He also accepts that we will have worries. Please listen to His teachings:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? ...

So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ... your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:25-34)

                                                                                                                                                Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications