Using Story To Heal The Past And Change The Future

When we think of "story," we tend to think of three bears, a girl with loathsome stepsisters, or the latest novel we've read. But story is integral to our personal lives, as well as our collective culture.

From Loss to Belonging

A few months after I married James, my mother passed away suddenly in Hong Kong. As a result, my first Thanksgiving with my new family was not as happy as I had imagined. For one thing, at that time I only knew James' family for a few months. For another, theirs is a close-knit Mandarin speaking family. Even though they tried their best to talk with me in English and their limited Cantonese, I still felt left out. I later realized that the biggest impact on me was my inner insecurity and fear. Interacting with them reminded me of my family back in Hong Kong, and not only did I miss my mother deeply, but I also felt reeling from the shadows of my family of origin. Even when someone expressed their love, my emotional baggage prevented me from enjoying the present moment

After becoming a Christian in 1989, I experienced a new sense of belonging. For the next few years, we attended our church retreat every Thanksgiving weekend, and experienced the church family as my home. When those annual retreats were moved to the summer, we resumed celebrating Thanksgiving with James' family. With my new perspective and attitude, I finally belong with James' family and enjoy time with them.

Change Your Story, Change Your Life

A popular teaching holds that we have the power to change our lives simply by changing our thoughts. This shift stems from recognizing that our thoughts are an ordered structure of reality, part of a story we're living. Instead of getting caught up in an endless stream of chaotic thoughts mid-sentence, examine the story you're telling yourself about yourself and decide how to rewrite it.

Jim Loehr, author of "The Power of Story: Change Your Story, Change Your Destiny in Business and in Life", says the stories we tell about our work, relationships, accomplishments and shortcomings determine our success in life and their destiny.

Here are some exercises to help you become aware of the stories that shape your life and reduce the influence of those that work against you:

Discover What You Learned from Your Life Stories

Divide a piece of paper into two columns. On the left, list the significant stories from various stages of your life and your understanding of those events. On the right, briefly describe what you learned from each experience or the decision you made.

Healing Past Experiences by Changing Your Story

Choose a difficult childhood event, or one that led you to make unhelpful decisions, and write about it. What happened? How did you feel at the time? Now, rewrite the story with a different ending. Use your imagination. Any outcome is possible.

Life stories can be filled with twists and turns, like the story of Joseph recorded in Genesis. He was his father's favorite son, dreaming of greatness. However, his life was not always smooth sailing. At 17, Joseph was betrayed by his 10 older brothers and sold to slave traders into slavery in Egypt. Who could have imagined that Joseph would become God's messenger, saving his father's entire family, including those who had betrayed him?

Years later, when his brothers were safely settled in Egypt, they became afraid that Joseph would avenge what they had done. After their father's death, the brothers fabricated a story to protect themselves from this possible threat. Genesis 50 records Joseph's stance: "His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. 'We are your slaves,' they said. But Joseph said to them, 'Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.'"

Don't let your past wounds kidnap your future. With God's help, you too can rewrite the ending of your story!

Discover Your Core Story

Explore how you view the "Five Dimensions" of yourself: work, family, health, money, and love. Write a page for each dimension. How do you feel about these aspects of your life? What did you learn as a child? Does the story you tell about one area undermine the values ​​and beliefs you hold in another? If any story doesn't align with your goals, start telling a different story.

Seeing your life as a story is a powerful way to understand its meaning, connect with your experiences, and share in their richness. When you realize that your stories can change, you have the power to improve your life.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2)

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

The Importance of Entertainment and Play

Do you feel that there is less and less time for leisure and entertainment in life? High technology and fast-paced life have created a culture of always working, always rushing, and always connected.

Finding Happiness in Busyness

With cell phones interrupting the theater, laptop computers at the beach, internet connections at every other café, and home offices that beckon us all hours of the night and day, it's hard to separate "play" from "work." However, play is crucial.

Have you seen kids staring at their homework for hours but going nowhere? Instead of scolding, lecturing, threatening, yelling, and nagging, try to look beyond the surface symptoms and understand what's happening inside them. When they complain about school, homework, and activities they don’t like, what’s the reason?

Whether adults like it or not, kids like to play. Indeed play brings pleasure. I often ask children what they like most about school, and the most common answer is "recess." It is so sad to see that children have less and less time to move around freely and play. In play, we discover joy, develop a sense of accomplishment, and gain a sense of belonging. In play, we learn, grow, and find an outlet to release stress.

When we fully immerse ourselves in recreation and leisure, worries and anxieties fade away. Whether we're running, walking, playing ping-pong or basketball, or immersing ourselves in a good novel, we feel joyful, energized, and relaxed. Nothing makes us more present than this.

Discovering Each Other's Fun

Often times, playing, laughing, and having fun put people at ease. Children of all ages (including youths and adults) can best focus their energy on learning, growing and performing when they feel emotionally secured.

Long ago, facing the pressures of life, I saw my husband James playing chess on the computer. I asked him, "With such a tight schedule and so many things to do, why are you still playing chess?" His answer shocked me: "I need to relax." That was when I understood his need. For someone who loves to think, having time to focus on other things is a great distraction and a coping mechanism for stress. While I don't relax by playing chess, I do find myself relaxing by playing Tetris on the computer when I'm at my most stressed.

Our eldest grandson also loves to play chess. A few years ago, James taught him how to play chess over video chat. The two of them teamed up to play against a computer. Clearly, playing chess brought them both joy and interaction. After we moved closer, James also taught him how to play Chinese chess. One night at dinner, I shared the story about James playing chess to relax. A few days later, near the end of dinner, our eldest grandson asked, "Yeye, do you need to relax after dinner?" This phrase has become a codeword for inviting him to play chess.

These memories remind me of the times when our son was growing up: I played Lego with him, told him stories, played ping-pong and basketball with him; and James played chess and various strategy games with him. It was amazing to see how much a child could learn while having fun.

When things are going well, you might enjoy working constantly because it's exciting, thrilling, and fun. I was a workaholic like that when I was young. However, with looming deadlines and a demanding boss, you might lose focus. If your boss or coworkers are overly demanding, the pressure might even cause you to call in sick. Similarly, our kids might lose interest in school if it is no longer fun.

Having Fun with Family and Friends

Life is too short. Think about what and who are really important to you when all is said and done! Any time you have the choice of whether to work "just one more hour" or give yourself over to play, consider what Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it." If you feel like you're losing free time and unstructured play in your life, try these suggestions:

• Turn-off. Turn off the television, computer, beeper and cell phone for at least two hours a day.
• Let your mind wander. Recall what you used to enjoy doing or what you always wanted to do before we became so technology-oriented.
• Include others. Invite someone over to play and hang out, just like you used to when you were a kid. Nothing planned, nothing structured. Let your play evolve naturally.
• Think physical. Go for a walk, ride your bike, rent some skates, play basketball ... go for a swim or a run.
• Pretend. Just for a moment, pretend you don't have any cares or worries. Pretend you have all the time in the world to laugh and play and enjoy. The truth is, you don’t need to pretend at all, just turn to the Lord Jesus.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:4-7).

When We Are Together

The lyrics of the nursery rhyme "The More We Get Together" are: "The more we get together, together, together. The more we get together, the happier we'll be. 'Cause your friends are my friends, and my friends are your friends. The more we get together, the happier we'll be." When we were young, we might not fully understand the meaning of "when we are together", but we already experienced and even longed for that simple and sincere happiness of having someone to accompany, smile and walk with us. So, what if you grow up?

Myth of Perfect Togetherness

The story goes like this: Two people fall in love and from that moment on, they go everywhere and do everything together. They are, of course, a perfect match, and their interests and values coincide in every respect. In fact, if they spend much time apart or socialize separately, people might wonder if there is trouble in the relationship.

This is the "Myth of Togetherness". Two people must merge into one, and individuality will disappear from then on, as if there is only "we", and there is no longer "me" and "you". However, such stories actually contain crises, which often lead to the opposite of togetherness: one side feels smothered and withdraws. The other feels rejected and abandoned. This push-pull dance of too much closeness or too much distance sets up a high level of anxiety for both partners and too often ends in heartache and separation.

The story about togetherness can be re-written and worthy of re-written. We might as well change our point of view: true togetherness is not merging of two people in which two halves make a whole, but two independent and complete individuals deeply commit to support each other's growth, dreams and call, and walk together in the journey of life.

"A co-creative relationship is one in which two people access more of their creativity as a result of their loving interaction," write Drs. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks in Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment. "Out of the harmony of a co-committed relationship springs an enhanced energy that enables both partners to make a greater contribution than either one could have made alone."

In such a relationship, both parties deeply support each other and help each other exert their unique talents. Whether it is intimate connection or necessary space, each other's needs can be respected and honored; and the communication channels are open to express each person's feelings, thoughts, needs and desires, and inject more passion and energy into the relationship.

A Togetherness that is Healthier and More Free

You can start from the following points to move towards a marital relationship that is healthier and more free:

First, pursue your own interests. Take classes, participate in projects, and engage in creation just because you like it. When you are nourished in creativity, emotions or wisdom, it will also inject fresh energy into the relationship; 

Second, cultivate pure and healthy friendships outside of marriage. Don't isolate yourself because of marriage. Your partner may not be able to meet all your emotional needs. Interacting with friends not only allows you to explore yourself, but also brings vitality and joy;

Third, be alone with yourself for a moment every day. Whether it is close to nature, exercise, gardening, bathing, singing, reading, writing a diary, praying or meditation, these can help you reconnect with yourself and with God;

Fourth, spend exclusive time with your partner and establish deep connections. Communication with love and honesty is the key to making relationships flourish. Take time to talk about each other’s hearts and desires, not just daily trivial matters. This emotional connection will become the source of strength to support your contribution to each other and to the world.

Even if You Work Hard, You Still May Hurt Each Other

"Conscious loving" and "Common commitment" can indeed greatly improve the marital relationship. Unfortunately, even if you work hard, some couples will accidentally hurt each other. It seems that human efforts alone are not enough. True "conscious loving" comes from a deep understanding and admiration for yourself, others, and for God. "Common commitment" is not just an expression of emotion, but also a promise, a vow, and a sacred covenant. At weddings, we often hear such vows: "I am willing... from now on, no matter whether it is good or bad, rich or poor, health or illness, I will love you and cherish you until death separates us. All of this, I am willing to follow the divine law of God." However, how many people can truly keep this promise for life?

The Bible clearly states that marriage is not a human invention, but a creation of God, as recorded in Genesis 2:20-25: So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

This passage depicts the original design of marriage. God created and arranged a partner for Adam so that the two would become one, support each other and bless each other. However, after Adam and Eve committed sin and fall, sin entered the world and the hearts of the people. Sinfulness makes people want to love but don’t know how to love. Want to be close but always hurts.

This fallen world, coupled with the errors in family environment, social structure and cultural concepts, has quickly exposed our weakness, selfishness, and self-centeredness to intimate relationships. When conflicts come, both sides often choose to blame each other and hurt each other, but they are rarely willing to admit their mistakes and humbly admit their guilt. People cannot repair broken relationships by themselves, nor can they achieve the love that "until death separates us." Such love is really hard to maintain by people alone.

Making Covenant in God and Walking with God

Romans 7:24-25 says, "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."

It is God who can truly help us love. Only by returning to the Lord who created marriage and let His love fill us first can we learn how to love. Because in Christ we are "new creations", the Holy Spirit in us not only heals our hearts, but also continues to help us, turning from the center of "I" to "you", from "demanding one another" to "denying oneself for one another." The perfect union is not the encounter between two perfect people, but two incomplete people who make covenant in God to walking together step by step and learning the lessons of love through His truth and grace.

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

Honor Your Father and Mother

“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:2-3)

Is Mother the Only Good Person in the World?

I was hurt by my father's infidelity, his betrayal of my mother, and his rejection of me. When I was young, I only thought about honoring my mother when I grew up, and I also tried to make my mother proud of me because she had sacrificed a lot for me. I rarely thought about honoring my father, even though I always worked hard to please my father and grandmother with good grades and good behavior, and seek their approval.

It is undeniable that mothers carry their babies for 9+ months and that mothers and children are closely connected. In addition, mothers usually spend more time taking care of their children than fathers, including holding babies, feeding, and changing diapers. During their growing years, children’s interactions with their parents are often based on the cultural tradition of “strict father and loving mother”, which has been passed down from generation to generation: “If you don’t obey, your father will beat you when he comes back.”

Even if both husband and wife go out to work, more mothers will still sacrifice their spare time to accompany and pamper their children. Focusing on reasoning, fathers are often more likely to make their children angry, causing them to be less willing to speak up, participate in family relationships, or even walk away. Compared with mothers, fathers often appear to be more indifferent, contemptuous, strict, reluctant, repulsive, disgusted, or even absent. Unfortunately, because many fathers have not experienced the love of a loving father since childhood, they have been hurt and even destroyed in sin from generation to generation.

Flowers of the Field

There is a song that has extraordinary meaning to me and our whole family.

There was a time when my husband James and I took our then teenage son on a short-term mission to teach English to elementary school students. We sang this song at the graduation ceremony with other teenagers from the United States. When my father-in-law passed away, James, our son, and I sang this song at the memorial service. When I was learning piano accompaniment, I played the piano when James sang this song solo in a family talent show. Many times, we often sang this song when we shared the gospel in the park or gathered in support groups. Many times, I have seen or heard that gospel friends were moved to tears by this song and drew closer to the Father because of it.

The song is "Flowers of the Field" by Heavenly Melody Choir. The lyrics show how our Heavenly Father cares for us and treats us with love:

Flowers of the field, put on beautiful clothes.
Birds of the air, never worry about their lives.
The loving Father watches over all.
He loves men so much, that He prepares them eternal life.

All of our needs, our heavenly Father already knew.
Sadness of the heart, let Him take away for you.
The loving Father watches over all.
He is the almighty God, blessed are those who believe in Him.

Boys are Future Fathers

"No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is Himself God and is in closest relationship with the Father, has made Him known." (John 1:18)

In his book, "Bringing up BOYS," Dr. James Dobson included a chapter on "the Essential Father" which shares the following research findings:

There is an undeniable linkage between fathers and babies beginning at birth. Infants as young as six weeks old can differentiate between a mother's and a father's voice. By eight weeks, babies can distinguish between their mother's and their father's caregiving methods.

Infants are born with a drive to find and connect to their fathers. As they begin to speak, their word for "father" often precedes their word for "mother." The reasons for this are unknown.

Toddlers are especially obvious in their assertions of their fatherneed: they will seek out their father, ask for him when he's not present, be fascinated when he talks to them on the phone, and investigate every part of his body if allowed.

Teenagers express fatherneed in yet more complex ways, competing with their father and confronting his values, beliefs, and, of course, limits. For so many sons and daughters, it is only at the death of the father that they discover the intensity and longevity of their fatherneed, especially when it has gone begging.

Dr. Dobson went on to show many statistics and trends about effects of fathers on the lives of sons. Here is the story of a fifty-eight-year-old man he met:

The man's father was a pastor who was busy with ministry and personal interests for many years and never took the time to participate in the important moments of his son's growth. He never appeared at his son's sports games, and never accompanied or encouraged him in extracurricular activities. He neither disciplined nor affirmed him.

By the time the boy was a senior in high school, he was the starting guard on a winning big-school football team. When his team advanced to the state championship game, he was looking forward to his father coming to watch the game, and pleaded with hope, "Can you come on Friday night? This is really important to me." His father agreed. However, on the night of the game, while the boy was warming up on the field, he saw his father and two men in suits walking into the stadium from a distance. They stood and chatted for a few minutes, then turned around and left without staying to watch the game.

Dr. Dobson recalled that when the man told this story, he still burst into tears. Although forty years have passed since that night, the loss and heartbreak of being rejected as a teenager still seem to be unforgettable. A year later, his father died at the age of 83. Standing in front of the coffin, he choked up and said, "Dad, we could have shared so much love together, but I never really knew you."

Dear friend, do you know the earthly father who gave birth to you and raised you? Do you really know the heavenly Father who created you, is always there, and loves you to the end? He is still waiting for you to respond to His love. Please listen to His voice:  "Because you are His sons, God sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, 'Abba, Father.' ” (Galatians 4:6)

Having Sons and Daughters

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.' ” (Genesis 1:27-28)

Passing on the Family Line and Establishing a Connection  

The eternal God is the source of life. He created Adam and Eve so that humans can reproduce from generation to generation, connect with God, live out God's love, and manifest God's glory.

"This is the written account of Adam’s family line. When God created mankind, he made them in the likeness of God. He created them male and female and blessed them. And he named them 'Mankind' when they were created. When Adam had lived 130 years, he had a son in his own likeness, in his own image; and he named him Seth. After Seth was born, Adam lived 800 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Adam lived a total of 930 years, and then he died." (Genesis 5:1-5)

The description of "Had other sons and daughters" appears more than a dozen times in Genesis Chapter 5 (before the flood) and Chapter 11 (after the flood). The usual pattern of description is: "After X (father's name) became the father of Y (son's name), X (father's name) lived so many years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, X (father's name) lived a total of so many years, and then he died."

The only exception to that description is: "After he became the father of Methuselah, Enoch walked faithfully with God 300 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Enoch lived a total of 365 years. Enoch walked faithfully with God; then he was no more, because God took him away." (Genesis 5:22-24)

Did you see how Enoch was different from the others?

Human Sinfulness Makes Good Things Difficult

God placed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, where they could have walked and talked with God. But after they ate the fruit of the tree that God had commanded them not to eat, sin entered the world and mankind. But Enoch was an exception in his walk with God.

Having sons and daughters become complicated when sinful people live in a fallen world. Adam and Eve originally gave birth to Cain and then Abel, but Cain killed his brother Abel, and Adam and Eve later gave birth to Seth.

Although the above verses only record the names of fathers, giving birth to a child is impossible without a mother. The Book of Genesis records the stories of Sarai, Rebekah, Leah, and Rachel. Their grudges and love fragments include:

"Now Sarai was childless because she was not able to conceive." (Genesis 11:30)

"Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was childless. The Lord answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant." (Genesis 25:21)

"When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless." (Genesis 29:31)

In order to win Jacob's favor by having children, Rachel and Leah each gave their maids to Jacob as concubines. Jacob's two wives and two concubines gave birth to twelve sons and one daughter. Joseph, born to Rachel, was the eleventh son. When his ten half-brothers saw how much their father loved Joseph, they hated him and alienated him, causing the breakdown of their brotherly relationship.

Habits that Alienate People

In his book "Unhappy Teenagers: A way for Parents and Teachers to Reach Them", author William Glasser, M.D. wrote about seven disconnecting habits. We get into such habits as criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing, and rewarding to control others. 

However, such external control never really works unless the other person is also motivated by survival, love and belonging, power, freedom and fun. Our children may be afraid of harsh punishments when they are small. But as they grow taller and stronger, any additional control can only lead to power struggles. Which prompt children to say things like "You can't make me!", further undermining the intimacy we so deeply desire.

Dr. Glasser suggested replacing these deadly habits with seven connecting habits. Think back to your own growing years, would you rather have caring, trusting, listening, supporting, consulting, befriending, and encouraging words and actions from your parents?

Let Go and Let God Take Charge

We cannot completely isolate our children from the corrupt world, but we can influence them through love, teaching, discipline, guidance, encouragement, support and good examples. Although some people have never had children, they help people grow, and bring people to God. Because the real help comes from God.

Having children is the continuation of God's great love. Therefore, whether you have children or not, when to have children, how many children to have, or whether they are boys or girls, everything is God's sovereignty and God's good will. Therefore, parents should be grateful for every child, because "Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him." (Psalm 127:3)

May all parents walk faithfully with God and be connected to their children in Christ because "His mercy extends to those who fear Him, from generation to generation." (Luke 1:50)

Without Knowing Death, How Can We Know Life?

Even though my husband James did not approve of my newfound faith, he was still happy to see his wife find peace. Therefore, on the day of my baptism, he was willing to come to church to help me take pictures.

My Baptism, My Husband's Coolness

After the baptism, an elder of the church came over to shake hands with James. With a big smile, he said, "Congratulations. You will be next." To that, James responded with, "Over my dead body" in his calm, cool and collected way.

Normally, I would be embarrassed by his reply, but that day I didn’t react much because I knew he meant what he said. He believed that "man could conquer nature" and thought that as long as he was alive, he could face life with his own efforts. When he said baptism would only happen "over my dead body", he was really willing to do whatever it took to prevent it from happening.

In his eyes, it was incredible that I went from not believing in Jesus to being baptized in just three months. To him, I was just impulsive and stubborn, and I habitually turned from a workaholic to a churchaholic, even though he also saw some positive changes in me.

Not Believing, Looking for the Weakness Link

As an engineer, James set out to find the weakest link in Christianity. In order to protect me from entering a cult, James took "undercover" and accompanied me to church every week to observe. He found that everyone was carrying a Bible and said it was "the Word of God." He disagreed and mocked it as a "myth".

He began to read the Bible on his own during his sabbatical and finally discovered the biggest loophole: "And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith." (1 Corinthians 15:14)

Why is Christ's resurrection the weakest link? The reason is: If the witnesses are credible, then we can believe what the witnesses say, but how do we know whether the witnesses are credible? There are three possibilities for witnesses of Christ's resurrection. First, they are all lying, second, they are all confused and deceived, and third, they are all telling the truth.

So he began to look for which one was most likely. After all, they couldn't be lying, because people might lie to save their lives, but they wouldn't lie to endanger their lives, so this possibility is extremely small.

The possibility of being deceived is also extremely small, because it is not just one person who claims to have seen the resurrected Christ. The Apostle Paul described it this way: "For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, and then to the Twelve. After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers and sisters at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep." (1 Corinthians 15:3-6)

What remains then is that they are most likely telling the truth. That is why their testimony can be considered credible.

Discover the Truth and Facts, Confess Sins and Return to the Lord

Although James believed that Jesus' resurrection from the dead was credible, he was unwilling to acknowledge Jesus as his Lord. After all, he still wanted to be his own boss and master. Moreover, he felt that he was a good person and did not need Jesus. A few months later, one day he suddenly thought of a verse: "For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse." (Romans 1:20)

In this way, under the inspiration of the Bible and the Holy Spirit, James finally admitted that he was also a sinner. The irrefutable evidence is that he clearly knew there was a Lord, but he was unwilling to acknowledge that Jesus was the Lord. Therefore, he finally confessed his sins and prayed, and accepted Christ Jesus as his Savior and Lord of life. If you don’t know death, how can you know life? Only when you are put in the position of death can you be reborn. The shameless words "over my dead body" really came true.

"We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his." (Romans 6:4-5)

10 Things We Can Control

That day, I went to the hospital for an injection. As usual, the disability parking space near the entrance was full. Hence, my husband James first unloaded my walker and then walked me in before he went to park the car. People came in and out, and I stood silently in the corner waiting. I worried that James couldn't find a parking space and prayed that he would come back soon.

In the corridor leading to the Check-In station, there was a row of wheelchairs parked aside waiting for patients. As soon as James came in, he went to get a wheelchair. I was confused by the lack of movement in the wheelchair queue. It turned out that a woman with a below-the-knee amputation was being helped onto her wheelchair. I was shocked and felt bad for her.

James pushed my wheelchair to the Check-In station. We were behind our arrival time. After turning a few corners, we got on the elevator, and hurried to the laboratory to draw blood. Afterwards we took the elevator again and walked for a while before finally arriving at the orthopedic clinic. I waited in the waiting room for the nurse to receive the blood test report to ensure that I could receive the injection that day! I was very tired by then. Sitting in a wheelchair with a heavy back brace was very uncomfortable, but I didn't want to move anymore and just wanted to close my eyes and rest.

After a while, I told James, “I’m going to get out of my wheelchair. I need to stretch.” Just then, I heard a woman whisper, “It must be nice.” I turned my head and looked, a woman nearby was sitting in her own electric wheelchair. It looked like she couldn’t move the lower half of her body at all. I was shocked and felt sorry for her.

While we can’t control the weather, illness, death, or what other people think, we would do well to pay attention to the areas in our life that we can actually do something about.

1. Our actions. We alone are responsible for what we do.

2. Our words. Spoken or written, the words we choose impact our lives and the lives of others.

3. Our beliefs. If we believe that others should take care of our needs, then we will be frustrated when they don’t. We can change our beliefs.

4. Our values. What’s important to us is our our personal decision. No one else can tell us what to value.

5. Our work. Although many of us may complain of being stuck in a job or career, we still get to choose how we will contribute in our work.

6. Our friends. Those we associate with say a lot about what we think about ourselves. We can choose to have friends who support us or who bring us down.

7. Our input. We can select our sources of news, turn off social media, televisions and/or ignore advertising.

8. Our time. Though it sometimes feels like we have no choice, we do choose every day how we will use the 24 hours a day gives us.

9. Our basic health. While we cannot control our genetic make-up or diseases, we can choose to exercise, get enough sleep, eat healthy food, and get routine check-ups, etc.

10. Our legacy. Everything we choose while we are alive, including our actions, words, etc., will become the gift we leave behind when we die.

Sometimes it really does seem like we don’t have much choices, but in fact we do have some. That day, the Lord Jesus showed me that I could spend my time and energy feeling sorry for myself, or I could focus more on others, pray for them, and thank God for His life-giving grace.

We cannot achieve self-control alone. Only by submitting to the Holy Spirit can we control ourselves. Don’t be discouraged if you can’t control yourself, just remember to live in Christ:

"For in Him we live and move and have our being." (Acts 17:28)

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." (Galatians 5:22-23)

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