Parenting in a Different Culture

"Honor your father and mother—which is the first commandment with a promise— that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth" (Ephesians 6:2-3).

I love both my Mom and Dad although emotionally I always felt closer connected with my Mom. Like all parents, they had their ups and downs in life, and it was their broken relationship that affected me the most.

As a young girl, I heard about how Dad had a mistress who gave birth to a son (my half-brother) when I was only one year old. I was told that my grandmother told Dad, "Two girls in a row? You'd better go elsewhere to have a son," right after I was born. Since Mom wanted to give my older sister and me a good life, she eventually accepted my Dad's concubine.

There were pictures of me wearing boy's clothing before I started school. Feeling insignificant as a girl, I tried very hard to be better than boys academically, athletically, and socially. I wanted to please my dad and grandmother, and to honor my mom.

After their marital storm, my parents tried to live a normal life – as normal as it could be living with my grandmother. Being number 8 among ten children, my dad and us lived with grandmother's five youngest children (#6-10) and their families in her big house in Happy Valley, Hong Kong. Grandmother had two cooks. We used to eat dinner around four to five big round tables everyday. Since Dad's concubine lived in Kowloon, Dad only came home four nights a week.

On top of all this complexity, tragedy struck. When my half-brother was ten, he was run over and killed by his school bus. Dad was deeply saddened and guilt-stricken. Ironically, about one year before that fatal accident, my mom gave birth to my younger brother. After trying for nine years, Mom finally had a son of her own when I was almost 10. I cried when I first read the story of Abraham, Sarah and Hagar. Sadly, our mom passed away at age 48 when my brother was in his early teen. Dad felt guilty to both sides of his family but never really talked much about it.

Making Sleep a Priority

Over the last half a century, we have shaved off an average of two (precious) hours of sleep a night. According to a National Sleep Foundation poll a few years ago, 40 percent of adults say they get less than seven hours of sleep on a weeknight, compared with the seven to nine hours that are recommended.

Of course, most of us know this. We burn the midnight oil, we get up way before the kids just to get things done. Our days are go, go, go! And it’s often hard to stay asleep once we get there.

And while most of us know that too little sleep makes us cranky, less focused and less available to those who need us, did you know this?   

•  Bodies deprived of sleep produce less leptin, an appetite-regulating hormone; this increases our craving for sweets and salty carbohydrates.

•  Shortened sleep produces metabolic changes. These may lead to diabetes or may alter the nervous system in a way that could contribute to high blood pressure and heart-rhythm irregularities.

•  Insomnia substantially increases the risk of developing depression.

In short, not getting enough rest can affect both our mental and physical health much more than we thought. Here are some DOs and DON’Ts that will help you get healthful, renewing sleep more often.

The Impact of Unresolved Trauma on Relationships

Physicians use the word “trauma” to describe a serious injury to the physical body resulting from a sudden impact, such as an accident or a violent act. But you can also suffer emotional trauma, which can cause an equally painful wound to your sense of self as a whole, coherent being. Just like a wound to your physical body, emotional injuries also require care and attention so that you may heal.

When this trauma is left unresolved and your experience of yourself is one of not being whole—of somehow being broken—you are likely to bring the footprints of this to your relationships. To have healthy relationships, you must first have a healthy sense of your own being and place in the world.

Let’s take a brief look at trauma, its origins and symptoms, and then how this may affect your relationships.

Origins and Effects of Emotional Trauma

Emotional injuries result from any experience in which one feels that his or her life or well-being is endangered. These experiences might include the shaming of a young person by a parent or teacher, the molestation or beating of a child, the loss of a job or a divorce, a sudden death or life-changing accident, or being sent to war.

Whether the trauma occurred in childhood or adulthood, it changes your experience of yourself and your world. If you were young when the trauma occurred, you will likely have more scars, because you were more vulnerable and had fewer coping skills.

An “Exercise” in Vitality - The Missing Ingredient in Vital, Vibrant Living

Human beings do not like to be controlled by others. In 1776, the American colonists fought the British to became an independent country. We celebrate the independence of the United States on the Fourth of July.

While some people are thinking BBQ, road trips and fireworks, others are dealing with worries and concerns of this world. It seems that we are trapped in a world wide web of terrorism and catastrophes.

How do you feel reading the news about Brexit, Istanbul airport bombing, West Virginia flooding, California wild fires, shooting, killing and accidents everywhere? Just now I heard the breaking news about Gunmen attacking and holding hostages at a restaurant in a diplomatic zone, that was supposed to be the safest area in Dhaka, Bangladesh.

Can we really shield and shelter our next generation from these troubles in the world? How can we raise them to become mature and independent adults?

One thing we can do is to live through the ups and downs of life by trusting God who sent His Son Jesus Christ to save us.

Even as Christians, our love of independence often causes us to forget the truth that we cannot live or do anything without God, even exercise!

The Essential Father

Last Sunday morning, the deadliest shooting massacre in U.S. History happened in Orlando, Florida. At least 49 people were killed and more than 53 were injured. Like many people, I felt shocked and sad. I grieved for the victims and their families and friends, and worried about the effect on the general public.

The gunman was a 29-years-old husband and the father of a young child. Was he a lone-wolf home-grown terrorist? Investigations are digging up more and more things that seem confusing, conflicting, alarming, and troublesome. I cannot help but to follow some of the stories about his upbringings, his father, his ex-wife, his wife, his job, and his targets ... what people said ... and my head was spinning.

Who really was this guy? How can God let this kind of bad things happen?

I don't have the answer but this I know: If not for the mercy and grace of God, things could be much worse.

How can we live with so many bad news in a Fallen world?

I thought about what Jesus said. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

Father's Day is coming soon. I want to appreciate dads who are trying their best to be involved in the lives of their children. Even if you are learning as you go, your participation and involvement count. Don't ever underestimate your role.

Lost and Found

Last week, EgyptAir flight 804 went missing en route from Paris to Cairo. The plane just left Greece airspace when it disappeared. Later, it was found that the plane had crash. But why? how? what happened? There are lots of contradicting reports and speculations, and the truth may never be found.  But one thing is sure, all 66 precious lives were lost.

Sorry I haven't written you as often as I wished. I had to take care of a lingering back pain which seemed to get worse. In April, it was diagnosed as Sciatica nerve pain and I had to take care of myself, including going to physical therapy. Delays such as these were not in my plan.

I was worried about not being able to travel to the East Coast for a family reunion. I haven't seen my siblings for two years. So I prayed everyday that I would be well enough to travel. I had to be careful with my back so I checked in my carry-on bag while James carried his. With only a short time to make the connecting flight, I was happy to walk luggage-free.

When we arrived our final destination, we slowly walked to baggage claim area. Bags were coming out at carousel #2 but we didn't see mine. We waited, and waited, and waited.

Someone said those bags on the belt were from a different flight. "... Go to that room and ask. May be your bag was moved that already."

I gave a lady my tag and she looked among those poor bags sitting in the room waiting for their owners. "No. Yours is not here. Let me check."

She worked on her computer and looked up. "Your bag did not make the connecting flight."

Try New Ways to Communicate with Your Child

Parents are unique and so are their children. But there are common areas of concerns that parents can do something about. One of such areas is communication.

You probably have heard the saying that “Nobody cares about what you say unless they know you care.”

Parents who love their kids are devastated when preteens and teenagers yelled, “You don’t care!”

If you frequently get that comments from your child, no matter how old they are, pause, take a deep breath, and take some time to reflect on what is going on.  You love your child but how come she or he does not get it?

Does it surprise you that many children and teenagers complain about parents nagging them, being angry and critical of them, not listening to them, or not trusting them? If you have the tendency of reasoning with them but getting nowhere, and if you fear that your relationship is going down the drain, restore your hope by checking whether you could communicate better.

The Bible says, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19).

Mignon McLaughlin, journalist once said, "We hear only half of what is said to us, understand only half of that, believe only half of that, and remember only half of that."

When our minds are distracted (e.g. "hey, what is there for lunch?") or we are preparing for a comeback (e.g. "no no no, you get it wrong!"), we are at best half listening. Even worse, we interrupt the other person in mid sentence. In frustration, they interrupt us back hoping their points can be understood. And the vicious cycle continues.

The four-sides communication model by Friedemann Schulz von Thun reminds us that every message has four sides (e.g. facets and aspects): fact, self-revealing, relationship, and appeal.