Come Sit Awhile with Me

Many years ago, my husband James had to leave the house early for an all-day meeting. Knowing how he prefers oatmeal than donuts or pastries, I got up to fix breakfast. While cooking, lots of thoughts went through my mind.

Just oatmeal? But I'm sleepy. Scrambled eggs? James would love that. But I'm really tired. Maybe I will go back to bed as soon as he starts eating.

But I changed my mind. James obviously enjoyed his breakfast. Suddenly, he looked up and said, "Thanks for getting up early and fixing breakfast. I so appreciate you eating with me. Do you know that in the song You Raise Me Up, the phrase 'Until you Come and Sit Awhile with Me' always moves me? It means so much that you sit with me, even just for 15 minutes. I know you are tired."

My eyes got moist. "Thanks. I'm tired. Part of me didn't want to get up. I just wanted to cook breakfast and go back to sleep. I wasn't hungry, but there was another part of me that just wanted to sit with you for a while. Now you tell me the same thing: 'Come and sit awhile with me.' Actually, I thought of that song too."

“Glad to hear that. Now I can see that every week when we sit down to talk or sing with Mama, or to go for a walk with her, we are giving her a gift.” (This was in the days that my mother-in-law was still alive.)

Humans crave belonging and connection. Everyone needs a friend who will listen, sit down, fish or play basketball with. Caring is more than feeling sorry for someone when something bad happens. Caring is not just doing things for family members out of duty. We can learn how to help others joyfully by being there with them. CARE requires Compassion, Acceptance, Respect and Empathy. As followers of Christ, we already have new life. With the Holy Spirit dwelling in us, we can, by God's grace, be inspiring and encouraging helpers like Brother Barnabas.

"News of this reached the church in Jerusalem, and they sent Barnabas to Antioch. When he arrived and saw what the grace of God had done, he was glad and encouraged them all to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts." (Acts 11:22-23).

I'm so glad we spent time every week with Mama while she was still alive. James and I have recently moved to be closer to our son and his growing family. Although we still need to get used to the cold weather, how wonderful it is to spend time with one or many of them! Imagine our joy when our daughter-in-law showed up one day and said, "It's warm outside today, are you interested in taking a walk together?"

The Road Ahead: What Will You Do Differently This Year

Changing the way things are done can bring opportunities for great success. But reaction to change may be fearful and irrational, which can result in failures, a decrease in quality and a loss of productivity and production. When it comes to family, work, business and ministry, it can be tempting to give in to those anxieties by doing what's always been done. But some form of adjustment, such as freeing up time, money, and energy for new opportunities, is sometimes necessary in order to prepare for a better year.

Firstly, decide which are the most important adjustments to make. Ask yourself these questions:

1. What personal and business toleration interfered with your personal and work progress? Having to "tolerate" something or someone may mean you believe there is no choice, so you just bite your tongue and grind your teeth. Toleration is a good indication of having certain problems you need to face.

2. Were last year's goals reached? Why or why not? How will those obstacles be addressed? Setting new goals without having evaluated the previous year's goals can result in a cycle of substandard results.

3. What are some fiscally responsible goals, e.g. increasing income, collaborating with people, creating new products or services, improving marketing strategies, etc., that will also be fun? Remember, all work and no play make Jack a dull (and bored) boy, as the saying goes.

4. What expectations do you have for your relationships? For example, rekindling love with your spouse, getting along with your teenager, playing with your kid, enjoying and appreciating your family, and giving thanks to God for His love and faithfulness, etc. How will these goals bring joy to your life?

5. What self-care do you need to focus on for the health of your body, mind and spirit? For example, diet, exercise, spiritual disciplines, and other life issues. Are you focused on what really matters in your life?

Secondly, what do you need to change to have a better year? Here are some suggestions for your consideration:

1. Choose passion over profit. Connect to your bigger purpose in life, work, business and ministry; and then the rewards will flow effortlessly. Passionate people attract success.

2. Learning with an open mind. Technology changes fast. Staying on top of what's working now is only half the battle. Reading the Bible, praying, observing, and thinking are essential. Discovering what's up and coming and leveraging that knowledge is the key to an exceptional year. Are there something new that you could learn with your spouse, children, friends, colleagues or co-workers?

3. Count your blessings and celebrate success. Acknowledging and rewarding success with gratitude keeps everyone motivated. Mark those mini-milestones with celebration and recognition!

4. Add, don't subtract. In business, when repeat clients stop buying your products or services, something needs to change. Instead of cutting prices, add value instead--bundle existing services/products, add bonuses or create new offerings. At home, when your family members are not talking to each other, something is wrong. Instead of pretending that all is well (e.g. "we never argue"), learn to listen attentively and talk assertively to engage them with respect and care.

Finally, beware of blind spots

1. Every driver has blind spots. That's what rear-view mirrors are for. Blind spots in the family, church, work and business environment can be harder to identify. In a factory, how does a person avert disaster in a work environment without the benefit of mirrors? How can you find out your blind spots?

2. Ask around. Getting honest feedback from family and church members, clients, customers and service providers can be as uncomfortable as it is invaluable. Do it anyway.

3. Coffee time. Chat up a friend, family member, co-worker or colleague and encourage them to share their observations about what you are doing well and what needs improvement. Sometimes what needs to change is missed because it is so "obvious."

4. Seek professional help. Getting an objective outsiders opinion can help you see what is going well or not.

Moving into the New Year doesn't have to be a scary proposition. Having a clear sense of what's ahead can circumvent failure and create a successful year. Anxious of changing? Afraid of taking risks? Try your best and leave the outcome to God.

At the beginning of last year, I missed my family dearly. But due to the pandemic and our work schedule, it seemed impossible to visit loved ones whom I had not seen for several years. All I could do was to pray. Unexpectedly, God led step by step and allowed me to retire and move before year end. How grateful we are to be reunited with our son and his family! My husband and I can continue to study the Bible online with our brothers and sisters, and we can also watch our grandchildren grow up in close proximity. Everything is by grace. In the process, we cling to the word of God:

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”  (James 4:13-15)

Of course, not everyone has to change for the sake of change. But you can still take some time to evaluate the past and look forward to the future, may the Lord show you His will, His way, and His timing in this new year!

Gratefulness and What a Friend We Have in Jesus

Most of us are thankful for our health, our safety, our loved ones. But what else? What do we take for granted? What moves us? What would fill our hearts daily if we would just notice it?

1. The senses. Sight, sound, touch, smell and taste—daily miracles each of them.

2. The plant world. From the productivity of a late-summer tomato plant to the delicate unfurling of a fern, nature’s richness and tenderness is something to behold.

3. Opportunity. Our steady companion, opportunity is always ready to take us down a path yet unknown. (Hint: We have to say “Yes!”)

4. Beauty. What do your eyes feast on? What splendor makes your heart rejoice? Beauty is all around us every day. How often do you stop to enjoy it?

5. The ability to learn. There is no age limit on learning—period. When we stop learning, we literally stop living.

6. Young children. They model for us innocence, faith, resilience, playfulness and unconditional love.

7. Music. What inspires you and lifts your mood? Classical, Rock & roll, African drumming, violin concertos, a hymn, a nightingale?

8. The ability to give. Every act of love benefits the giver as much as the receiver.

9. Color. Sunsets, paintings, green trees, blue sky, purple flowers. Imagine a world without color.

10. Change. It’s unavoidable; the only constant. Change can be unsettling or challenging. But the mystery of it and what lies beyond it can keep us young at heart.

I used to take many good things for granted. Instead of being grateful for opportunities and changes, I was annoyed because they took me out of my familiar comfort zone.

The reason I refused to go to church before I became a believer was because I didn't want to admit that there were problems in my life that I couldn't solve. After saying "No" for six years, I finally accepted an invitation from two friends in 1988. We had dinner at their house before going to their church's Christmas celebration. We sang songs. We listened to people sharing. But the only thing that touched my heart was a skit performance. The drama compared and contrasted the lives of two women, one with Jesus and one without. It got me thinking.

A few days later, on Sunday, January 1, 1989, I remembered the "new" church near our house that our friends mentioned. That was the first time I attended any Sunday worship. To avoid talking with people, I arrived late and departed early. Nevertheless, I went again the next Sunday, and the next. I heard about a upcoming "Double Healing" Evangelistic meeting that would be held on the last Saturday of January. Even though I had no idea what that was all about, I went because I yearned for healing.

The preacher at the meeting was a physician-turned-pastor. Like me, he came from Hong Kong to pursue the American dream. All of my proud accomplishments paled in comparison to his. To my surprise, he also experienced loneliness and emptiness at the peak of his career. He shared how he neglected family relationships in pursuit of his career and material successes. Being suddenly diagnosed with terminal cancer was his wake up call. That's when he called out to Jesus Christ whom he had heard of as a child. Indeed “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” (Romans 10:13).

Long story short, God restored his marriage and he began writing many letters to his young children so that they could receive timely letters from their "Father Far Away" while growing up without him. Miraculously, his cancer cells disappeared suddenly. He received double healing!

After he finished his testimony, someone led us to sing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." My heart was pierced by the lyrics "Oh, what peace we often forfeit? Oh What needless pain we bear? All because we do not carry everything to God in prayers!" I couldn't stop sobbing. It turns out that I also needed the Savior Jesus!

I am thankful for the opportunity to say "Yes" to my friend's Christmas celebration invitation. I am grateful for the opportunity to say "Yes" to Jesus Christ on Saturday, January 28, 1989. Jesus Christ is my Lord, my God, my King, and my Good Shepherd. He is not only my Savior, but also my closest friend.

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." (John 15:13)

Top 10 Ways to Have the Best Holidays Ever

Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Year. With each special day will come the hope that this one will be truly exceptional. However, many of us quickly get bogged down in busyness, stress and old patterns. Here are 10 ways to turn that dynamic around.

1. Give yourself a break. Perfection -- even perfect happiness -- just isn't possible by human efforts. Let your best be good enough. Make a budget for both your time and your money -- and stick to it. It really is the thought that counts. 

2. Make conscious decisions. Get clear about what you really want to do over the holidays before compromising with others. If you don't have a clear plan and clear intentions, you might find yourself getting swept along by others' desires. Even if you compromise later, get clear first. Be loving and assertive, share your feeling and tell people what you want. Don't blame them for guessing your wishes wrong. Better yet, be sensitive to what God wants for your relationships.

3. Shorten your to-do list. What do the holidays mean to you? For many, it’s about family and friends and spirituality. If an item doesn’t add to your holiday spirit, scratch it off. Otherwise, be creative! Many years ago, my sister-in-law (who has five kids) suggested each of us to bring one gift on Christmas Eve instead of buying one gift for each person. After dinner, we played a modified version of the "white elephant" game that allows you to "steal" a gift you really like. It has been a big hit ever since!

4. Say no when you want to. It’s very liberating. Try it and see. It sounds simple, but too often obligation trumps desire. When faced with options, choose the one that would make you happier around people and pleasing to your Heavenly Father. It is better to treat people with truth than to go along and be secretly dissatisfied.

5. Limit obligatory activities. If you can't avoid certain events, limit the time you're there. Don't burn yourself out.

6. Take good care of yourself. The old standards help keep stress at bay: eat healthfully, exercise, drink lots of water, and breathe deeply. Please schedule time for relaxation and fun. I love to spend time by myself with the Lord to reflect on His love, goodness and faithfulness.

7. Start early. To avoid a last-minute frenzy that can bust your budget, start shopping or making presents now. If you are not ready for the holidays this year, keep it simple. Just remember that Thanksgiving is a reminder to give thanks in all things; and Jesus Christ is the real reason for Christmas!

8. Ask for help. Don't be self-righteous and feel that everything is up to you. The burden of preparations should not fall upon one person. The more specific you are in your request, the more successful you’ll be.

9. Get support. If a glorious holiday season feels completely out of reach, you may experience the holiday blues. Many people do. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling that way. Reach out for the support you need.

10. Establish new traditions. If you have experienced a major life-changing event, such as a death or divorce, consider doing something you've never done before over the holidays, such as travel to another country or take a cruise or just enjoy in quietness and peace with gratitude.

The pandemic has affected all of us. It reminds us that life is short and unpredictable. Many of us feel trapped, even imprisoned. Let's see how did the Apostle Paul exhorted believers in his letter while he was actually in prison.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:4-7)

Self-Acceptance is an Action

Imagine you are standing naked in front of a full-length mirror. You are asked to stare at yourself for two minutes.

Now take a quick inventory of the feelings  this suggestion evokes. Did you feel curious or afraid? Interested or hesitant? Willing or unwilling? Or did you reject the whole idea as something you would absolutely never do? Imagining the experience gives you an indication of your level of self-acceptance; actually doing it will tell you even more.

Self-acceptance is an action. It is something we do, not just something we feel. To say “I value myself” is an act of self-affirmation that provides a base from which self-esteem develops.

When practicing self-acceptance, we don't have to like everything about ourselves. In fact, we almost certainly won't. What it really means is that we acknowledge and accept that our thoughts, actions, emotions, bodies, dreams, etc. (that is, everything about us) are our own.

“But I don’t want to be insecure (or afraid or judgmental or angry or fat or old or alcoholic or any of a dozen other things),” someone might say. “If I accept that about myself, it means I don’t want to change. Or I won’t change.”

Here’s the paradox: without acceptance of what is, it is impossible to change.

When we deny any part of ourselves, we see that part alien or outside. To say, “I don’t want to be _________, therefore I won’t accept that I am,” is self-rejection, the exact opposite of self-acceptance. To say, “I don’t want to be ________, but I am and I am willing to change,” is the kind of self-acceptance that gives birth to transformation.

Healing and growth can only come in when awareness and acceptance open the door. Someone said, "Nothing boosts a person's self-esteem more than being aware of and accepting that part of oneself that is not valued."

Here’s another exercise: Try on any emotion that is difficult to face — insecurity, jealousy, anger, fear. Try it on as if it were a sweater or a pair of shoes. Breathe into it and focus on it; feel your feelings. Notice how, as you accept and experience it, the feeling begins to melt away.

If you are resisting — tightening your muscles, holding your breath — accept your resistance. If you deny the resistance, it will only gain in strength. But, like the feelings themselves, if you embrace the resistance, it will dissipate.

It’s not only negative feelings or thoughts we sometimes don’t accept; we refuse our positive sides, too. In fact, some of our bright side can seem more frightening than the dark. What a loss to refuse to accept our excitement or joy, our charm or our beauty. How sad it is to be afraid of the talents, visions or dreams God has given us.

It has been said that the greatest crime we commit against ourselves is not that we deny and disown our shortcomings, but that we deny and disown our strengths or being different.

At its lowest point, self-acceptance is what keeps us alive. It is the strength that keeps us moving; it is what gives us the courage to finally say “No!” or “Yes!” It is the hand that reaches out for help.

To be self-accepting is to be for yourself, not against yourself. This is the birthright by grace for every human being.

"I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me." (1 Corinthians 4:3-4)

Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications

Develop Emotional Resilience to Meet Challenges

Major disruptions are traps we all experience at one time or another in our lives. We get fired, laid off or passed over; a loved one dies, leaves or gets in trouble; a project stalls or gets cancelled. The list, unfortunately, is endless.

For some, the impact of these hard times is overwhelming. Recovery, if it comes at all, can be painfully slow. Others show resilience and are admirably able to glide through these times fairly easily, bouncing back to a normal life again quickly. Resilience -- the strength required to adapt to change -- acts as our internal compass so we can resourcefully navigate an upset.

When unexpected events turn life upside down, it's the degree to which our resiliency comes into play that makes these "make-or-break" situations an opportunity for growth. The good news is that each of us has the capacity to reorganize our life after a disruption and to achieve new levels of strength and meaningfulness. Though it's easy to feel vulnerable in the midst of chaos and uncertainty, life disruptions are not necessarily a bad thing because they help us grow and meet future challenges in our lives. It's a lot like a bone that was once fragile or broken, and is now strong from being used.

So how can you become more resilient? Here's a look at seven key characteristics of Christians who demonstrate resilience during life's twists and turns.

1. A Sense of Hope and Trust in God
Resilient people rely on their belief in the basic goodness of God and trust that things will turn out alright in the end. This positive attitude allows them to weather times when everything seems bleak and to look for and accept the support that is out there. This approach toward the world gives them the ability to hope for a better future.

2. Interpreting Experiences in a New Light
The ability to look at a situation in a new way (a skill called "reframing") can minimize the impact of a difficult situation. Christians can reframe situations through the perspective of a loving and faithful God. Resilient people take a creative approach toward solving a problem, and don't always use an old definition for a new challenge.

3. A Meaningful System of Support
One of the best ways to endure a crisis is to have the support of another person who can listen and validate your feelings. Knowing that others care and will come to our support decreases the feeling of isolation, especially when tackling a problem alone. It's important to choose people you trust. Don't be surprised if it takes several friends, each of whom can provide different kinds of support. Resilient people aren't stoic loners. They know the value of expressing their fears and frustrations, as well as receiving support, coaching or guidance from friends, family or a professional. Even if people fail you, remember that God will never leave you nor forsake you. God is your ultimate support!

4. Believing that God is in Control of Your Life
You may not be able to predict the future, but you can face problems with God, not by forces beyond your control. Resilient people know that ultimately their survival and the integrity of their life values depend on their ability to take action rather than remain passive. Tough times call for you to tap into your own sense of personal responsibility while journeying with God and others. Knowing God controls circumstances and outcomes, we can be free from performance anxiety while motivated to do our best for the glory of His Kingdom.

5. Self-Reflection and Insight

Life's experiences provide fertile ground for learning. Asking yourself questions that invite introspection can open a door to new understanding and appreciation of who you are and what you stand for. Giving voice to your thoughts and feelings leads to insight and helps transform the meaning of a problem into something useful. Resilient people learn from life situations and do not succumb to punishing themselves because of decisions made in the past. Identity unleashed: "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1).

6. A Wide Range of Interests
People who show resilience in the face of adversity are those who have a diversity of interests. They're open to new experiences and ideas. Because their lives are rich and varied, it's easier for them to find relief from the ramifications and worries that often accompany a crisis. Each person has strengths and weaknesses. Each one of us is unique in God's eyes.

7. Sense of Humor
Have you ever had a wry laugh during a difficult situation? The ability to see the absurdity, irony, or genuine humor in a situation stimulates our sense of hope and possibility. Humor has both psychological and physical benefits in relieving stress because it encourages a swift change in your perception of your circumstances -- and when your thoughts change, your mood follows. Christians can rejoice even in our suffering because we know and trust we are loved by God for eternity.

When you look to improve these seven areas now before adversity hits, you'll be able to bounce back more quickly. By practicing in real life, you will influence your kids and develop resilience in them -- by showing, not just telling.

 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications

No One Wins in the Blaming Game

Whether we fabricate unbelievable excuses like, "The dog ate my homework," or blame others for what happens to us, we give up not only responsibility for our lives, but also our power.

When things go wrong, blame is an easy way of taking the spotlight off ourselves and shining it on others. From the first excuse we used as a child, shifting blame often becomes an all-purpose gadget in our toolbox of defenses, so handy we often reach for it without even thinking.

Why do people blame?

• Blame is a ready outlet for anger, hurt and disappointment. It is always easier to point the finger at someone for our troubles than to consider our own roles in causing or maintaining the problems.

• Having someone to blame allows us to maintain our self-image. In our own eyes, we can remain that punctual, efficient person we would be except for the interferences and inefficiencies of other people.

• Blame is a reflex action. It's the first thing you say when you've been caught and you need to preserve your dignity. Remember the time you tripped over a loose brick left on the sidewalk and immediately cried out, "What idiot left that here?"

• Blame is a convenient form of procrastination. To our own ears, the flimsiest of excuses can sound like a reasonable explanation when someone else is at fault. "I would build that bookshelf for you today if Jack had returned the tools he borrowed."

• Blame can act as a defense. Shifting responsibility to someone else can be comforting. For examples: "If only my parents had encouraged me, I could have become a really great dancer" and "if only your boss didn't demand so much, you'd have more time for those classes you want to take."

• Blaming others is less painful than blaming ourselves. If we regret choices we have made in our lives, pointing the finger at someone else means we don't have to own up to our decisions, some of which might not have been the wisest.

• Blame can be a potent psychological weapon. Making others feel guilty can give us a feeling of power.

• Blame obscures the root and true nature of problems. As long as someone or something else is responsible for our feelings, our failures, our lives, we don't have to do anything. The problem is not ours, but theirs.

The benefits of taking responsibility

.• The consequence of blame is that it traps us in the past and prevents us from moving forward. Blaming others keeps us in the role of victims. However, that didn't help change anything.

• While we may not always have complete control over what happens, we do have control over our own reactions and emotions. One way to claim our lives is by taking 100 percent responsibility for what we feel. Rather than "you make me feel...," say, "I feel... "

• Like using chewing gum and baling wire for a repair job, blame may be a handy tool, but it won't hold up over time. Using blame makes us forget we have power to control our own lives by the grace of the Lord, and that we can choose to take responsibility for ourselves and enjoy the freedom in Christ.

Are you familiar with when and how blame entered into the world?

God said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”  (Genesis 3:11-13)

Author's content used with permission, © Claire Communications